I liked it. It was an interesting piece. I wonder to myself if you've ever been to Iraq yourself, if you're speaking from experiance. If you weren't actually ever there you do a nice job convincing the reader you were, although I'm not sure the landscape description is a focal point in this story, and the story gets on rather well without such a description. It seems to me your intent was to highlight the emotions of war, and to be in depth with one thing you generally have to give up something else, and the landscape was what you gave up. A good work will do this, but won't make the compensation conspicuous. If you were to describe mental conflict, and then go on with a detailed landscape description, the reader might lose interest. Your description of mental conflict is done well enough to supplement the loss.
My only suggestion is more meat in the story. It sort of starts and ends, there isn't much to it. Maybe focus more on the inner struggle of PFC Toal, or even Woods or the Lt.
As it is the story is good, but nothing really jumps out. It's a pleasant read but nothing more. Give it some more substance. All in all it was a good piece, and these are just my thoughts on it.
By the way, my last name is Woods :)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mankind716
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 11:57am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
