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Review Requests: OFF
283 Public Reviews Given
366 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Behind Bars Again  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this very honest poem with us!
It may not have been easy to tell us about being behind bars, I can imagine many 'inmates' would rather have kept it secret.
Your almost brutal honesty about feeling bad about yourself, the difficulty to avoid doing 'bad things', the hardship of life behind bars... I do hope others may find some support in this poem, in trying to stay away from a wrong path.

Well, most striking about this poem is of course its exceptional content but apart from that I think this is also a good poem: it flows, good word choice, well written and a good read!
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Review of RoadWork  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this poem! What an unusual but interesting subject for poetry.

Turning (the labour of) concrete road surfacing into a poetic and original poem is no small achievement in my opinion.

The middle stanza with it's appearance of movement is a good invention, well suited to this poem, and yet full of meaning. I loved the other two stanzas equally though.

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in some way helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review of Barn  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi...,

I'm reviewing your item for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Star*Very beautiful and strongly evocative poem about an unusual subject - an old and long since abandoned farm - inviting melancholy and meandering thoughts in me. as reader.

*Star*I loved your wonderful poetic lines and strong imagery. It is such a powerful and well written poem, that it intensely 'caught' me, where usually this is not entirely my type of subject. Thus leaving me all the more impressed by beauty and depth of your writing.

*Star*I also liked the harmonious structure of the stanzas and the fact that it is a very poetic poem, without the use of rhyme. Proving that Free Verse can be 'as poetic', when done well! *Smile*


*Flower1* Thank you for taking part this month!


Regards,
Maria

Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!



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Review of A Whispered Call  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi...,

I'm reviewing your item for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Star*Your poem made had quite some impact on me and led me to reread several times and think and wonder. Are you speaking for yourself or have you placed yourself in the 'shoes' of someone else? Not that it matters much for the experience of the poem, but I do strongly hope you will find answers and a way back, if it is about you!

*Star*As a religious poem, I like this one more than I usually do. I love that it lacks sentimentalism, preachiness or being stereotype. You have powerfully and 'originally' worded deeply painful feelings and questions, related to belief.

*Star*I noticed this is technically a good poem, with consistent ten syllable count and natural feeling abab rhyme scheme. I'm no expert, but I think this is a Shakespearean sonnet (after a brief consult of Wikipedia), which appears quite difficult to write to me. So that makes it only more deserving, in my eyes, of five stars.

In case it's a sonnet indeed, I think it wouldn't have been amiss to mention that somewhere in the description or below the poem, Just to inform the reader. Though I guess many readers will recognise sonnets without trouble, not me, however. *Smile*


*Flower1* Thank you for taking part this month!


Regards,
Maria

Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!



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Review of Meaning  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great poem! Such strong expression and captivating thoughts about life, beautifully caught in sculpted lines.

This poem strongly proves the merit of Free Verse: way more expressive and powerful than prose or other forms of poetry could lightly and likely achieve.

My favourite stanza:

There is nothing new
under this sun.
Our progress an illusion
brought about by rearranging
the cast offs of yesterday.


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like this interesting poem very much! It is well written, clear and emotional and about a feeling, as I interpret it, that 'speaks to me'.

The funny thing is that the question you pose above it - about what the reader think it's about - makes me doubt very much if what I read in it, is whom you wrote it about. But, as I see a number of possibilities - from an unanswered love for someone in a bad situation (which was my first feeling when reading) , to a child in need to a pet in need - I am curious whom you wrote it about, so I hope you'd like to tell me? *Smile*

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Flower1* Hi,

This is my review of your short story: Dahlia Deep

*Note1* What a chilling woman and what a chilling story. Yet, she is such a believable character. We all know of such self-centered, manipulative people, don't we? Though of course, by far the most of them will never resort to what 'your' Dahlia did...but still, what she did is simply fitting with her character - living it to the ultimate, so to say.

*Note2* I like your economy with words: a lot told in a very short story. It adds to the haunting feeling that it was just a minor step for her.

*Note3* Concluding, I think this is a well written story and a very good read! *Smile*

*Flower1* Thank you for sharing!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Leaf* What an interesting poem! Both in contents as visually. I love it!!!

It's an amusing poem too, as you compellingly invite us to reflect upon this poem likewise as you are reflecting, in it, upon others' poems; but of course also because of the ironic wording. Ironic, without becoming 'a joke' though...just a light way of wording your thoughts. And it is this lightness of tone which is, for me, definitely an added charm and makes it more poetic. *Smile*

The questions you pose in the last stanza's are a nice catalogue of the questions we all could ask when reading a poem and which could help us review as well.

Why do I feel now as if we have come full circle *Bigsmile*

All in all an unusual poem of beauty and tremendous joy to read. Great!

*Leaf* Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review of Husk  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

This is my review of your poem Husk.

Impression: I really like this poem! It is sharp and to the point and yet it is clearly poetic. It is also beautiful and the combination of a slightly dark subject, poetic feel and meaningful contents, lifts your poem well above the average in my opinion. Great item!

Rhythm, flow, style:
You call it 'Non structured poetry'. I googled that term and found 'unstructured poetry' to be an existing term. Yet I would prefer to use 'free verse' because I believe that poetry will never benefit from being completely unstructured. Unstructured poetry, free verse, still needs a minimum of rhythm and flow to help it appeal to a reader *Smile* Happily, although rhythm is not the strongest point of your poem, but still it is all right in this respect, I believe. The rhythm varies a bit much, here and there. It looks like that you have broken up the lines in their 'natural' position. Perhaps you could play a bit with that, like you have done in the penultimate line of the first stanza. With a slightly enhanced rhythm and flow, I'd have given this poem 5 stars.

Contents: I must say I recognize what you are saying and agree with it. The hyped - media, peer pressure - wish to buy and have more and more and then also the use of all those things takes our attention away, in a (sometimes) devastating way, of what is really important in life, of simple things, friendship, family, nature, our inner selves even. So yes, I believe many of us in the 'West' are depleted of our original fantasies. And actually, to me that is not so much a pessimistic, dark view, but rather an optimistic view: as it is in other words to see the beauty in simple things, in life itself.

Remarks:

*Leaf* My favourite part, very poetical and of a nice rhythm:
The soul long since vanished,
Never to take angelic flight,
With scarce contribution to,
The magnificence of life.


*LeafO* I love the first stanza very much, the second a tad less. I think perhaps also that the last line Till it grinds us beneath the ground is a bit too 'heavy in meaning' in relation to the rest of the poem, a bit overdone, so to say.

*LeafBr* All in all a very promising poem and I truly enjoyed reading it!

Write on,
Maria


General Disclaimer:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though I ask you to consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!



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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Eerie and fascinating story. fitting with this time of year. I think it is rather well written, but I remain somehow with a feeling of a few unanswered questions, though that may very well be the effect you're after. *Bigsmile*

As soon as I read the name the creature used for the child, I understood it was to be read backwards and that meant the story was taking a very different turn and meaning from there...it took me by surprise and that was nice!

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


** Image ID #1725597 Unavailable **
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awesome poem on a great subject! I really, really love it. It is ironic and yet very serious and respectful about God. Which in itself looks like an achievement to me *Delight*

The philosophical questions posed here are deep and very interesting and at the same time seem so 'earthly' because of the way how you bring them up. For me this lifts this poem to a high level; one to read again, to ponder over and to remember!

The form of the poem adds to it, with the indented lines, making it look like 'floating' a bit. Also the wording is light, poetical, of good rhythm and flow and thus making it a wonderful read!

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you.


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Review of LOVE SONG  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like your beautiful and powerful poem about a far-away love. Very clear expression of strong emotions, which are both painful and with hope shimmering. Honest too - about hiding and thus not giving a chance to possible other lovers and the need to trust in each others love and person to take the plunge and vanish that barrier of distance. The repetition of words and parts of sentences works very well to strengthen the emotionality, I think.
The poem has a good rhythm and flow to it as well. It really gripped me!

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!



Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you.


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Review of The Circus  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower1* Hi,

I'm reviewing your 'Word Search': The Circus

*Note1* Thank you! This was a very nice game to play! I love circuses and I often feel they don't get the attention and admiration due to them. So I was happy to see a word search on this very topic.

*Note2* You had a nice variety of words to look for and they were quite well spread out over the grid, so it was a nice challenge!

*Note3* You are newly registered...so welcome to Writing.com (WDC) and I wish you a great and inspiring time in this wonderful community!

*Flower1* Thank you for sharing!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review of SHINE  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A beautiful small and mysterious poem, that captivates and almost made me wish it were longer. Especially because your wording is highly poetic and near magical.

Could you elaborate on it, whilst keeping it poetical and mysterious, I would absolutely love to read more of it. Though I very well understand that it was not without reason that you kept the poem as short as it is: it's pointedness adds to its mystery and is a quality in itself *Smile*

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!


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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What an awesome poem! You call it a dark poem and dark it is indeed, but written with a nice touch of irony and with such great poetic skill that I absolutely loved reading it!

Your poetic skill shows, I think, in the rhythm, fast, well established and easy to read, but above all in the rhyme which is supple and beautiful and nowhere a line suffers in meaning or flow because it needed to rhyme. The rhyme seems to come naturally.

But it is not only the poetic qualities which make this a great poem: it tells a well developed, interesting and amusing story of two exploitative characters - even the story alone made it well worth the read!

Great job!


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!


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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice small poem about the feelings poetry may evoke. I like the form, monometer, though perhaps it would be nice to include a footnote with a small explanation of the used form.
I especially like the first and third stanza. However the second seemed less fluent, because I wonder if it is grammatically totally correct (not being a native, I find this hard to judge though).
The fourth stanza, in all it's brevity, contains the word "soul" three times. I think it would be enhanced by using synonyms.

All in all a lovely little poem!


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of Climax  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! What a great poem! Meaning, clarity, wonderful rhyme, flow, rhythm, great choice of words (nothing wasted, everything in place)...I can think of a whole list of qualities which I found in this poem. And the speed in which I could read it - not that that is a sign of quality always, but here it is - breathtaking.
I really love this remarkable poem, with it's unusual subject of a woman at the top. I think it is an exceptional piece.
Perhaps one may point out that it is not a very lyrical poem, but that is also not a requirement for great poetry I believe. The sharp observation, the critical analysis with yet a touch of compassion, so apprehensible (nothing woolly or wrapped up) and yet not commonplace...now I'm getting lyrical *Smile*

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of Chicago  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, so very recognizable, your feelings about the trip of your young daughter! I like a lot that you have kept it short, only related to this trip and didn't turn it into a tear-jerker. That combined makes it a very palatable read. You describe your daughter with a lot of love and a nice touch of pride. Lovely item!

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of Be my everything  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A passionate message about deep love in the form of an acrostic poem and with a feel of prose...you've written a captivating and emotional piece and I love the strong feelings you are showing us.
Only mistake I noticed was "your" in the second line where it should be "you're".
I think you've made what you wanted to say all important, which had the consequence that the rhythm of your poem is not too smooth. But I can imagine that you wanted it like this: straight from the heart.
Well done!


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of MY PURPOSE  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your item: MY PURPOSE for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Note1* You wrote a very personal item and I think it is courageous that you made it public and even entered it for a contest. As if you are making your resolve even stronger this way (though I may be very wrong with my interpretation: you will have your very own reasons)

*Note2* Powerful and well formulated and no errors or typo's, so I can't find any fault with it. I think you are able to create high quality prose or poetry.

*Note3* Even though I see no fault and in spite of the powerful expressiveness, yet as a reader I can't do much with it: I feel your words as a statement - the outcome of a process in which I had no part (because that process in you, which made you wish to re-focus, is not present in this prose-poem). And that's why somehow I don't feel like giving more than four stars. But I must say that the quality of your writing makes me wish to read more by you....

*Flower1* Thank you for entering your item!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your item: Giggles from the visitation room for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Note1* I like this poem about the visitation room. The compassion for the mom makes it very special (with that I'm not saying that you have no compassion for the child). You make us aware of an aspect of foster care and adoption, which we not often get confronted with.

*Note2* I don't see mistakes in spelling or grammar. A well written piece, with good flow.

*Flower1* Thank you for sharing!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review of The Almost Catch  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's a very promising try, could be a potential 4,5 or 5 star item: well written, a suitable small anecdote for a 55-word-story, but....it's not very well balanced. Not balanced in the sense that the end gets too little attention, in my opinion. "then quickly plopped out" is sort of an anti-climax to me as a reader, Of course, to be all geared up for a crucial moment in ones sports-career and then drop the ball IS an anti-climax, but that doesn't come across very well.
My suggestion would be to delete one or two words from " He glanced at the praised and exalted Quarterback as he lined up." and one or two elsewhere (such as "had" in the second line) and change these last words into something like "only to slip through his hands..." or "only to bounce on the grass..."
Just my idea and it's your story, so in the end you know best what you want to convey *Smile*

But please keep on writing, you obviously have it in you!
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

*Flower1**Flower2**Flower1*

An absolutely beautiful item, Kiya! Asking for participation, even if just in the form of a small poem or a few lines, should make us think about and realize the importance and vulnerability of our planet. Beautiful, meaningful, inspiring quotes and other contributions, layout....truly a tribute to our Earth and a strong appeal to care.

Thank you Kiya, you inspire as always *Smile*

*Flower1**Flower2**Flower1*
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Review of Follow the Leader  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OOOHHH! Why did I miss this when you announced it! This looks wonderful: how I'd loved to take part and rejuvenate my blog (even though I did the same two days ago, all by myself *Smile*). What an inspiring and exceptional contest!
I hope you'll soon organize it again and I hope this time I won't be sleeping when you do!

Greetings,
Maria
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Review of Outsider  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi Vee,

*Star* I like this simple but expressive poem. You tell very clearly how you feel among certain people. And it's easy to recognize what you mean.

*Star* Your word-choice is simple but good. Not pretentious and no mistakes.

*Star* This poem lacks a bit in poetic feeling, it's almost prose in a nice format, but it doesn't really matter: its clear and powerful expression give it a value of it's own!

*Star* Thanks for sharing. I'm fan of such personal and emotional poetry!

Greetings,
Maria


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