Hi,
This is my review of your poem Husk.
Impression: I really like this poem! It is sharp and to the point and yet it is clearly poetic. It is also beautiful and the combination of a slightly dark subject, poetic feel and meaningful contents, lifts your poem well above the average in my opinion. Great item!
Rhythm, flow, style: You call it 'Non structured poetry'. I googled that term and found 'unstructured poetry' to be an existing term. Yet I would prefer to use 'free verse' because I believe that poetry will never benefit from being completely unstructured. Unstructured poetry, free verse, still needs a minimum of rhythm and flow to help it appeal to a reader Happily, although rhythm is not the strongest point of your poem, but still it is all right in this respect, I believe. The rhythm varies a bit much, here and there. It looks like that you have broken up the lines in their 'natural' position. Perhaps you could play a bit with that, like you have done in the penultimate line of the first stanza. With a slightly enhanced rhythm and flow, I'd have given this poem 5 stars.
Contents: I must say I recognize what you are saying and agree with it. The hyped - media, peer pressure - wish to buy and have more and more and then also the use of all those things takes our attention away, in a (sometimes) devastating way, of what is really important in life, of simple things, friendship, family, nature, our inner selves even. So yes, I believe many of us in the 'West' are depleted of our original fantasies. And actually, to me that is not so much a pessimistic, dark view, but rather an optimistic view: as it is in other words to see the beauty in simple things, in life itself.
Remarks:
My favourite part, very poetical and of a nice rhythm:
The soul long since vanished,
Never to take angelic flight,
With scarce contribution to,
The magnificence of life.
I love the first stanza very much, the second a tad less. I think perhaps also that the last line Till it grinds us beneath the ground is a bit too 'heavy in meaning' in relation to the rest of the poem, a bit overdone, so to say.
All in all a very promising poem and I truly enjoyed reading it!
Write on,
Maria
General Disclaimer:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though I ask you to consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!
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