I liked the idea of an "awakening," of a way to realize there is more, and to give up trying to transform the bad into what it can never be. I thought your portrayal of the boyfriend was realistic, with his apologetic pleas and promises after wretched behavior the norm for a person who cannot or does not want to face repercussion for his actions.
Be careful to use commas when separating items or indicating a pause, and semicolons when dividing independent clauses. This occurred throughout your piece, and while your subject matter was intense, you don't want it overshadowed by grammatical errors. It is too important in theme to have anything else competing for attention. Great job!
"i'm building my castle out of shadows" is so fresh and original, casting an image of despair immediately. The act of building implies that something needs to be created, whether for the first time, or because it no longer exists. To use shadows as the builder's materials is quite ingenious, implying darkness and a non-reality to the situation; we are not sure if it will ever get done. The similes, such as "the moon cuts like a razor" and "blankets like dying worms" are vivid and striking, but my favorite has to be "teardrops shatter like glass" along with the sad reference to how they are products of poems that are now lost, perhaps because when life becomes stressful, all joy and poetry seem to be flushed away. My only critique would be to change your second use of the word "blankets" to something else, for the first one is so significant that you don't want to lessen it with repetitive use.
The second line was an emotionally-charged one, with the words "But the nightfall in me remains" so eloquent and true. In fact, the entire poem can be encapsulated in that image, which sets a tone of lonesomeness and desperation for everything that follows. Very sad, but poets know all to well how to find that ripple of heartbreak and capture it as a snapshot in time.
Very nicely done, with suspense that builds right from the start. I thought the dialogue among the teens was very relevant and revealing of their characters, which is especially important in a short story where there is not so much space to give lengthy descriptions. The intensity continued throughout the visit to the park and beyond, and I felt every nuance of being in the Fun House, complete with the frustration of being unable to help distressed friends. I especially liked the aspect of the "F" falling from the sign, creating the image that "un house" inspires, as well as the prologue and epilogue you included. Great use of all the storytelling elements in a compact package!
Wow! This poem has and does it all, taking me on a journey of discovering a true love in all its glory, and realizing what you never knew you missed before that time. You could not have done a better job in presenting each emotion, with phrases like "cushions my falls" and "her innocence is my light in a world of darkness" so finely written. But my favorite has to be "a perfect representation of love," which is the best compliment a poet could create. If this is your first for Ciara, I can't even imagine how beautiful ones to follow could be. But I hope we are given the opportunity to find out!
So funny and clever! I enjoyed this humorous short story, and felt that it was the perfect length, with just the right twist on an old cliche at the end. You have a very nice writing style -- easy to read, and attention-getting. The situations were presented well, and caused a chuckle in places where another writer with less skill might have stopped at silliness. Nice work!
The first two lines of your poem are among the most beautiful images (and saddest) I have ever read. What a way to express this emotion!
Words like "stranded," "stumble," and "sting" are well-placed and effective in your portrayal of isolation, blindsidedness, and pain.Yet, I still felt the hope you did, in your "refusing to believe" this treasure had been lost forever. It was there in every iamb and every line break, poetic itself, in its defiance to logic. I loved it!
I liked the premise of a sound causing all kinds of unnecessary destruction. I also liked the dialogue you used, and felt it was natural to the situation. I even felt upset when Fred had to move out--especially with such a hefty price to pay--and this indicates I began to identify with your character. I am not sure if the sound heard at the end of your story portends more of Fred's bad luck, or an imagination that might be turning psychotic. I had my doubts while reading of his rampage in taking such desperate measures to remove the sound, and wondered if the average, sane person would do the same. I also paused to think about why he would differentiate somewhat forcefully between the words "noise" and "sound," considering the negative connotation the former holds. My only critique is that perhaps it could be shortened a bit, because you don't want the reader to lose interest once your point has been made. Maybe a sequel should follow, to let us know if Fred is indeed a character destined to live his life overshadowed by an Edgar Allan Poe-esque obsession!
Yes, it is suspenseful from the very first sentence, because when I read, "And they had nothing to say to each other," I felt that the opposite could be true -- that they in fact had too much to say, but couldn't, being prevented from doing so by a unique set of circumstances.
Just be careful with "they're" in the next sentence; it should be the possessive form, "their."
I know you accomplished what you set out to do, because I hope to read more very soon! Keep us posted.
"Ghosting through towering pines" is so inspiring, I can see and feel the vividness of your words. Your use of alliteration in "wind," "waving," "wild," and even within the word "towering" is accurately placed and an effective way to begin. But I felt the repetition in the poem was the most captivating, calling attention again and again to the words that needed to be emphasized. Beautiful job!
This poem is nearly perfect, gathering emotions as easily as the "cobwebs and dust" clung to that special chair, a source of memories, pure and true. I especially liked the idea of calling the poem "Red Chevrolet," because to me, it emphasizes a new direction your life has taken. And perhaps, it has become a replacement for the chair itself. I understand the pain of loss and how difficult it is to remove anything that serves as a reminder of days gone by. So I applaud your wonderful verse for the myriad of feelings you were able to express, and the courage to be able to drive away in the end.
Nice job! I liked your ending, "But she won't be all that I could be," and while at the onset of the poem you say you are too young, I found this a very mature statement to make. The ending also provided insight into where your love had gone (as well as your approximate age), and knowing this information made your situation even more powerful to me. Don't feel you have to dismiss such feelings as "sappy," when the reality is that they are more intense and life-changing than we sometimes give them credit for being. I enjoyed it and hope you continue to write!
I loved the alliteration, the beautifully flowing rhymes, and the original take on leaves, purpose, and your own questions of mortality and what mark you will make in this world.The comparisons were skillfully drawn, while the return to "pretty leaves outside my window" to enclose the verse was not forced, but a happy return to a lovely image. I believe this poem shows you have found your purpose in this world.
Thank you for a well-constructed quiz on poetic terms and devices. It was eye-opening, and presented multiple answers that required much thoughtful dissection. I would love to see more of this type of quiz to keep us on poetic toes, and plan to keep this page as a useful reference tool.
I agree with the author's view on music, and I only wish a category had been supplied that listed 90 - 99% important because that is more accurate for me. I almost voted 100%, but I am always wary with the wholeness of such a statement, because of the implication that there is no room for anything else in a person's life. Therefore, music is on my list of the top few things in this world that I truly love!
The sentiments are expressed so well in this poem, in which the poet finds what she is searching for in her own "backyard," her home. I liked the phrase, "I've traveled through my choices," because the poet is taking responsibility for decisions made along the way, right or wrong, and is not quick to judge others since she knows what it means to be vulnerable herself. I would like to suggest either removing "alone we may bend," or incorporating it differently into the ending, becauseI feel it throws off the nice balance by being an extra line in your poem. And be careful to use "run" instead of "ran," in line nine, to keep the verb tense correct. Otherwise, a very nice image of a happy life realized!
I enjoyed the poet's transition from "girl" to ""woman," and finally to "lady" by the poem's end, as the transforming power of love is fully realized. The rhymes work well, and there is a pleasant rhythm in place at all times. "My love runneth over" is my favorite phrase here, because this is an aspect of love that cannot be controlled, it seems. It is especially wonderful when you don't have to!
I loved your essay, your take on life, and the wittiness you used to convey it all. It was smoothly written, un-put-downable, and as the format indicated, comedic. I believe it is so difficult to take what could be construed as tragic (or at the very least, serious) -- an attempt to find true love again -- and raise it to the level you did, where it is weighed in against time, and still comes out the victor! Thanks for bringing a smile to my face, and for the wonderful literary twists and turns along the way.
The "limerick" style of poetry works well here, and I loved the use of words like "ration" and "extol," to express what only we as writers know to be our literary fix! Lots of nice illerative phrases, some very effortlessly placed, with occasional consonance contributing to the overall effect. The only thing I would change is the rhyme of "stuff" with "stuff," and even using "stuff" again within that same stanza. I thought it was just a bit distracting, even though I understand that you might have chosen this type of repetition knowingly. How about changing one of them -- perhaps the one with the word "light," for instance, with "fluff"? Maybe even switching the order of "light" and "dark" around, so that the ending rhyme is different? Just a thought! Other than that, I enjoyed the poem and related to the overall theme so well!
This is a nice, happy poem about how wonderful it is for love to be fully realized. The tone of the poem captures the laziness or carefree feeling that can only be found when one is fully relaxed and content. It seems like an aftermath of sorts, and the poet is basking in the afterglow without wanting to disturb anything, without wanting to change anything about that moment. I liked every image, and the only thing I would change, is not actually an alteration at all, but merely to add just another syllable to that last line. I realize that it matches the previous line with seven syllables, but to create a more dramatic ending, I just felt one more syllable would have given it the closing it deserves.
Wow -- I especially liked the rhyme scheme used in this poem, as well as the intensity that I felt from lines with the same rhyme (the aaaa, bbbb of stanzas one and two, broken up by the cdcd pattern of stanza three, for example). Very nice work, and great effect in using rhymes this way. I also adored your last line, and the way the title and ending encapsulate the poem so nicely!
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