well done. there isnt much more i can say. I'm not going to lie, i cried a little bit, and i dont cry often. You have a talent. You should polish it and let it shine bright for everyone to be impressed with. You say you are thiteen, i say you are more grown up than most. to be able to acurately describe what your character felt, you are something special. don't you ever quit.
very well written. The dialog and rehlm which the story takes place in is very appealing and the majic used brings the fantasy to life. i liked this piece very much. well done
write on
well done. This is a great chapter I can't wait to read more. You seem to have mastered the art of adding tuns of RELEVANT details in this well organized, piece. I didn't find any errors, and i thought you did everything extremely well. Whether it was your background, or your side tracks, or character descriptions, it was all very acuratate. you wrote a fantasy story, but you made it believable. That is what mad Tolkien so good. well done once again. it was a great read.
it was a good poem, but the one thing that i would tell you to work on is making the number of sylabols the same in every line. it will make your poetry flow more evenly. the key to flow is format. shakespear used to use iambic pentameter (ten sylabols for every line or somethings like that) it made his work flow.
i like the simplicity of this poem. All of your poetry seems to shoot true to the source. i would like to see you try to develop a poem. make one really long one, just for s***s a giggles. I bet you could make it great.
Any way, your use of metaphor is truely eloquent. i did enjoy it.
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