OVERALL:
I picture someone lying on the concrete, spending the night looking at the sky while their mind wanders.
Title/Description/Rating:
I really like the title; it's simple and effective. Is "wonders" supposed to be "wanders" in the description?
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
There seems to be punctuation missing at the end of the first and second lines. They seem out of place as the rest of the poem has punctuation.
Other Suggestions:
I'd like to see this go a little more in the mind, more specifics. That's just personal preference though.
Likes:
Good imagery. This poem really drew me in. It drifts from one thing to another, as does the restless mind in the poem.
CONCLUSION:
I really enjoyed reading this. You took something simple and really brought it to life, making the simple act of letting your mind wander become a wondrous thing. Thanks for sharing this. Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Title of Item: Pretty attacked
Author: Kronocide
Reviewer: Emerald Enchantress
Plot/Story Comments:
I got a laugh out of this one. You turned an ordinary event into something interesting and dramatic. Good description and tension. It was unexpected and perfect. Title and description are great.
I honestly can't find anything to improve. It kept me entertained and didn't have any grammatical errors that I could find. Wonderful job with this. Keep writing!
~You've been reviewed by a Writing.Com Survivor Member~
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1009879 by Not Available.
Title of Item: The Alley
Author: TheWarmth
Reviewer: Emerald Enchantress
Plot/Story Comments:
Ooh, I love the first paragraph. Lots of great description. This is a nightmare come to life (not writing wise). Wonderful scene setting and use of the senses. Flows well, and ends perfectly.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar Comments: In my front human backs.
This doesn't seem to work. Could reword to "In front of me, human backs." or "In front of me are human backs."
I, myself have been going with the flow for quite some time now.
"myself" should either be removed or at least have a comma after it.
All sound I once recognised has never sounded here, in the alley; Instead, silence is the loudest, as it fiercely bounces from one wall to the opposite, trying to escape, just like I am.
Spelling: recognized. Semicolon should be a period, or "Instead" should not be capitalized. (I really like the imagery here, by the way.)
Other Comments/Suggestions:
Just fix those few grammar issues.
I really like your imagery and writing style. Lots of good contrasting images. I'd quote favorite lines, but I like all of it. I felt like I was there--very creepy. Great job at portraying your fears. Keep writing!
~You've been reviewed by a Writing.Com Survivor Member~
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1009879 by Not Available.
Title of Item: Your Wish, O Father! is Mine
Author: SWP
Reviewer: Emerald Enchantress
Plot/Story Comments:
Well done. Instead of focusing on the external surroundings, you focused more on the narrators internal struggle. I really liked that. You did give a sense of the coliseum and the background though.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar Comments: Coli-seum should be spelled without a hyphen. There are other instances of hyphenated words which shouldn't be. If the word was cut off at the end of a line you'd only want to hyphenate it if it was a really long word, otherwise just start it on the next line.
As I raise my sigh
This doesn't make any sense. Do you mean "raise my sight"? If so, I think it would be better to say "As I raise my sight to look one more time..." Just my opinion.
suddenly glare from the sun blinds me.
Need to insert the word 'a' after 'suddenly'.
For few seconds as I fall on the dry ground the pain is gone, but I cannot move.
Also needs the word 'a' after 'for'.
Other Comments/Suggestions:
Other than the few grammar suggestions, the only thing I think could be improved is a little more explanation. I don't understand the term "thumb-up". With that confusion, the opponents words don't make sense to me.
Good writing. I enjoyed reading this short story. It was refreshing to read a story about a gladiator who was Christian. You did a great job at bringing out his character and personality. One of my favorite lines was: No words can describe the weight of my tears at night … Keep writing!
~You've been reviewed by a Writing.Com Survivor Member~
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1009879 by Not Available.
Title of Item: First Antarctica, Then the World
Author: faith seeker
Reviewer: Emerald Enchantress
Plot/Story Comments:
I generally don't like stories that end in "it was just a dream". Just a personal opinion. The story was unique though. If it wasn't a dream then you'd need to do a lot more research. I do like the character names you came up with, they were clever and humorous.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar Comments: That’s when it hit me, what if they weren’t normal penguins.
A dash or colon would be better here than a comma.
...and a thriving population they could not just ignore me.
Sentence would be tighter and stronger without the word 'just'.
One class period, World History, while we were doing our current events, my teacher, Coach Mo Ron, told me I needed to be more like T. A. Keover, and be more involved and gung-ho about politics.
This is a long sentence, really broken up with commas. You might want to rewrite it to make it simpler. You can cut out a lot of info we don't need. For example: One day my World History teacher told me I needed to be more like T. A. Keover and be more involved and gung-ho about politics.
My biology teacher, Mrs. Strieghtn Narow, was wondering how I knew so much about genetics, but I simply replied, “Internet”, and that was enough to satisfy her.
The commas on either side of "Internet" are not needed.
Other Comments/Suggestions:
Indent the paragraphs {indent}, or double space between them, to make it easier to read. As it is, some of the paragraphs blend together.
Since this is a dream, anything can happen. However, I did wonder where she kept all those animals she was engineering initially.
This was entertaining to read. Keep writing!
~You've been reviewed by a Writing.Com Survivor Member~
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1009879 by Not Available.
Review of: How the Big Dipper Came to Be Author: Cynaemon
OVERALL:
A fun poem to tell a legend.
Title/Description/Rating:
All looks good here.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
Looks good.
Other Suggestions: Way he would go,
With the rythm set up as it is, I keep reading this line as: Way he'd go
I have to stop myself to read it the way it's written.
Also, in that same stanza, you use the word 'way' twice. Maybe change the second one to 'road'? Up to you, of course.
Into Oblivion it’s said;
This line also breaks the flow. Way too many syllables.
Likes:
I like how you didn't stick to a rhyme scheme, but kept it sing-songy like a nursery rhyme. I could imagine someone skipping rope to this.
Good imagery throughout. I could see the story play out. I love the image in the last stanza, of scooping up tea from the milky way.
CONCLUSION:
I like your little legend on the big dipper. A few spots that broke rhythm, but overall it was good. It was an enjoyable read. Keep writing! Raided by Emerald Enchantress
Review of: Dream Until Your Dreams Come True Author: Cynaemon
OVERALL:
A wonderfully done acrostic poem.
Title/Description/Rating:
Everything looks good here.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
I have no suggestions for improvement.
Likes:
I like that you didn't restrict yourself to ending a thought at the end of the line. Acrostics are difficult, but you did a great job. My favorite part is: Don’t just sit and try to
Relive the memories of your dreams
Everlasting.
Awake, and sit up!
Make your dreams come true!
Sadly, so many never do.
CONCLUSION:
This poem was well written, with a great message. Looks to me like you overcame the challenge. This poem motivates me to keep working towards my dreams, and never give up. Thanks for writing this one, it was truly a joy to read. Keep writing! Raided by Emerald Enchantress
OVERALL:
An enjoyable read about a visit to Vancouver. The letter style was well done.
Title/Description/Rating:
Everything looks good here.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: when it was in blue.
Blue should be bloom.
invited to a Potlach
I'm not sure on the correct spelling on this. You have it spelled potlach here, and then in the next sentence you have potlatch. Also, you have it capitalized in one place and not the other.
Likes:
You were very descriptive and I had no problem visualizing Vancouver and the tribe. It felt like I was there. I learned a lot from this piece.
CONCLUSION:
Great job. You have a talent with imagery. I love your writing style. This was a very entertaining and educational piece. Keep writing! Raided by Emerald Enchantress
Review of: We Buried Them in the Fall of the Year Author: Cynaemon
OVERALL:
Very well done piece, the narrator reminisces about a memorable day. Very elegant, it reads like a classic.
Title/Description/Rating:
I like the title. That would be a great first line for something. It sets an immediate mood of respect and sorrow.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: It was a beautiful fall day today.
If you're referring to today, then it is a beautiful day, not was. If you're referring to the day mentioned, then it should be that day or simply end the sentence after fall day.
Likes:
I like the different point of view. It was unexpected but well done.
CONCLUSION:
This was a beautiful piece. A lot of great imagery and poetic words. It's original. I really liked this. Keep writing! Raided by Emerald Enchantress
Title/Description/Rating:
I like the title and description.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
It feels like some punctuation is missing from the end of stanza one, line three.
Other Suggestions:
The rhythm doesn't feel right in the following lines: Praying that the goodwill never ends. That we remember stories of a bright star,
The flow isn't quite right in the last stanza, between lines three and four. Maybe all it needs is a period instead of a comma, as the two parts don't seem as connected.
Likes:
My favorite stanza is the first one. It does a great job of setting the scene. You can feel the magic.
CONCLUSION:
I like the concept of Christmas having too powerful a beat to ignore. Even with all the chaos, the magic of Christmas is still there on Christmas day. Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
OVERALL:
Very ingenious of you, grouping your poems in one item. Saves on portfolio space. I'm glad I decided to read this, as it has been a great joy. I'm putting it on my favorites list.
Title/Description/Rating:
Title and description sum it up nicely, and rating is appropriate.
Other Suggestions:
I can't see how any of them could be improved!
Likes: FIRST POEM
I really like how you echoed the first line in the last. It brought it full circle, and it's a beautiful line. I love the word choice in this poem. It reads aloud wonderfully. The rhythm is perfect, and imagery is strong. I can read this one many times and still love the sound of every word. This poem makes me want to dance and rejoice in the glory of Life.
SECOND POEM
Wonderful imagery. I love the metaphor of the Stone standing strong despite the raging storms. You've shown me the Stone a glorious, majestic thing, strong and vigilant, ever waiting. I don't know what the narrator is waiting for, but it's the fact that he still waits that makes him strong.
THIRD POEM
You've definitely captured the mystery, beauty, and power of nature. It truly is God's gift to us. I'd quote a favorite line, but I love them all. I like how you set the first stanza up with questions, and then answered it in the second stanza. Another wonderful poem. You have quite a talent in picking the perfect words.
CONCLUSION:
You have three absolutely wonderful poems here. You may be a newbie here at Writing.com, but you are definitely no newbie to writing poetry. I'll definitely be back to check out the rest of your port.
Let me know if you have any questions, about the review or the site itself. ~Emerald Enchantress Keep writing!
Plot and Setting:
A wistful poem about being watched by a unicorn. It gives the feeling that if you open your eyes it will be gone.
Additional Comments:
Great rhythm and flow. I do have a question on one part though: You think I know not,
Of what you seek?
What does the unicorn seek? Magic? A virgin?
Spelling/Grammar:
In the last stanza the commas aren't needed, and the dashes should have a space in front of them or be double-dashes: But I know
That you didn't vanish-- Like the wind into space--
Because you stand there.
This was an enjoyable read. I can picture a unicorn standing over you, afraid to open your eyes fully or it would vanish, and wondering why it chose you. Great job with this. Keep Writing! Reviewed by Emerald Enchantress
OVERALL:
I love your port forecast. Your personality really shines through, and you stick to the weather analogy.
Title/Description:
Wouldn't know what it was without the description. I like the unique title. Great way to draw people in.
Suggestions:
Really, nothing needs to be improved.
Likes:
This was a lot of fun to read. I would never have thought to categorize poetry and other writings as storms, but your analogies are well thought out and entertaining. I like the light blue. Pleasing on the eye, and goes with the theme.
CONCLUSION:
An inviting piece, I'll definitely have to come back and do some storm chasing in your port. Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*applauds* Great article you have here. It's to the point. I think you do a good job at describing the situation without pointing fingers or getting offensive. I'm in the boat of wanting more GPs so I can use them and give them. However, I feel they are much more worthwhile when I earn them. I agree with everything you have here. Not only did you explain the problem, but you pointed out the solution. There are alternative ways to get GPs other than begging, and you cover all the bases.
The only error I found was in your 5th paragraph. You forgot the closing parentheses after Site Navigation.
I like the fact that you linked the item on Daily Review Rewards.
Well written. A piece everyone should read. Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I feel no guilt at all in giving this piece a five. It deserves a standing ovation! I, too, am guilty of encouraging the inflation. If I see too many problems and feel it's lower than a 3, then I have a tendency to not even take the time to rate or review. More out of laziness and not wanting to discourage than keeping my rating average high. I don't mind recieving ratings lower than a 4, but I too like the accompanying review to explain why. In fact, I often feel uncomfortable when some of my items recieve lots of 4's and 5's. I know they could use some work, and I would rather have someone point out where it's not quite working than pat me on the head and say good job.
I like how you pointed out that the rating system is really a 1-9. I will try to keep that in mind. If I think in those terms, then a 5 (3 stars) should be a lot easier to give. I will challenge myself to be more honest in my ratings, and take the time to review some of those that fall on the lower end.
Thank you for writing and sharing this. It has brought to light many of the naggings that tend to show up when I'm on a reviewing spree. Well written, no mistakes, and everyone should read it. I'm going to link this in my highlighted items and my sig.
Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is poetry review 6/10, won through "Invalid Item" .
OVERALL:
I'm glad you have no more need to close off those words and hold them in. Poetry is the perfect expression.
Title/Description:
Fitting title, the words that trigger the poem.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
Grammar and spelling are fine. Little punctuation, but it works for this poem.
Other Suggestions:
Bubblicious is a brand name so I'd capitalize that. Or change it to bubblegum.
Likes:
I like the lack of punctuation. It keeps the poem flowing like your thoughts, as if the act of forming sentences would let the words out.
CONCLUSION:
Wonderful poem here. It's long, but the pace--determined by the short lines, lack of stanza breaks, and structure--carry the reader quickly through the poem. You can feel the pressure building, and the determination not to say a single word. Well written. It definitely deserves the awardicon attached. Keep writing!
Let me be the first to review this truly unique raffle. With %100 of the jackpot going to the winner, and tickets only 1 GP each, you should draw a lot of participation. The details are all written clearly. Color was used well, it emphasizes without distracting. All in all, a great raffle here! Good luck with it and Keep Writing!
Title/Description:
Title isn't worded very well. Either remove the question mark, or change it to: When did you know you liked to write?
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
Everything is fine.
Other Suggestions
You have 22 in two categories: 17-22 and 22-28.
Likes:
I like that you included your reason for the poll in your description. I like to know the purpose behind the poll, even if it's just curiosity. And you kept the question itself simple.
CONCLUSION:
Good age groupings for your options. This is something I've been interested in knowing as well. It appears that the older you get, the less likely you are to start liking something for the first time. And if you don't already like it by age 35, then you aren't going to. I voted age 5-10. I've liked writing ever since I could. Thanks for hosting this poll. Keep writing!
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: Stanza 1, Line 6: Arms flailing to balance, need to give my all
Need some punctuation at the end of the line.
Stanza 7:
The punctuation needs to be looked at for the second half of this stanza. Some commas should be periods or semi-colons, and question mark at the end should be a period.
Other Suggestions Stanza 5, Line 5: Wrote I felt the rainbow's colours
This part just doesn't feel right for me, not sure why.
I noticed the lines were from 9 to 15 syllables. It might make it tighter if they were more uniform. I know that would be a challenge, but it may be worth it. I do like it the way it is though.
Likes:
I like the metaphor of stepping stones. Each day represented a stepping stone for you, and crossing that river of doubt to the other side.
I liked the rhyme. It didn't stand out, but it added to the rhythm and feel of the poem. Moving from one rhyme to the next added to the feel of going from one stepping stone to another.
CONCLUSION:
Very well written, and from the heart. It doesn't feel forced. It's a longer poem, but it doesn't feel long because it's exactly the length it needs to be. You share your journey with us. I enjoyed reading this poem. Tighten up a few spots and fix the punctuation and it would be perfect. Keep writing!
OVERALL:
This is a piece that I can relate to as a writer. We all have our fears, and room for growth. Kudos to you for stepping up and taking the challenge to face those fears.
Title/Description:
Good title and description. Makes we want to find out what you learned in your excursion, and if a writing course would be beneficial to me.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
Your first sentence is a fragment. It needs to be part of the following sentence.
I think meeting with other women, it was a womens only college that I attended,with a liking for writing, was the best thing that I could have done.
Two comments here. First, womens only needs to be hyphenated. Second, I think the highlighted section would be better set off by parentheses or dashes.
I also noticed quite a few spots where I felt there needed to be commas.
Other Suggestions
There's one place where you have a line break, but don't double space as you do between other paragraphs: I decided to attend a creative writing course that lasted a week but which took me through a lifetime of emotions.
The poem "Stepping Stones From Here To There" tells of the journey I embarked on and the enormous distance I travelled.
In fact, I think the two sections would be better in the same paragraph, just remove the line break.
Likes: I had to acknowledge my weaknesses and try to overcome my fears.
This is something we all have to deal with at some point. It is a challenge, but one that must be taken on if we are to grow (in writing or in life).
CONCLUSION:
I always enjoy reading other people's experiences with writing and growth. I can relate to a lot of the same emotions. You have such a gift of memory. I think it's wonderful that you can remember things so vividly. That would be such a wonderful tool in your writing. Thank you for sharing this. Keep writing!
Title/Description:
Very descriptive. You let us know exactly what sort of things will be talked about. Having it a question invites everyone to come in and answer.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
A couple of times in your Forum Description you have a statement followed by a question. For example: I always read/review with an eye to saleability, is this what you strive for?
I think a semi-colon would be better than a comma, as they are two separate sentences.
Likes:
You clearly state the rating for the forum, and what topics will be discussed. I like all the questions. It makes me think, and gives me ideas for what to say in my first post. I also like your welcome. You tell about yourself and your need to write, and answer your own questions: I write because I have to. I need food, water, air, shelter, and writing. I can live longer without all but air, than I could live without writing. I want publication and payment because to me this validates my work. I know it's good if somebody gives me cold, hard cash for it.
This gives a great example for what you are looking for when people post (just in case they didn't understand from reading your Forum Description).
CONCLUSION:
You write because you have to, and that's something I can relate to. I've tried giving up on my writing, telling myself I'll never get anywhere, but I find it doesn't work. It doesn't matter if I'm good or not, or if it will be published (though I sure hope it will be). I, too, have to write. Thank you for hosting this forum where we can come discuss motivation, and publication issues. I've enjoyed reading the posts and hope it will be around for a while. Keep writing!
Title/Description:
As you said, an appropriate title. I would suggest putting more of a description though.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
No mistakes found.
Likes:
I like every word. I won't quote it because that would defeat the purpose of someone coming to read it. It's simple, every word counts.
CONCLUSION:
This made me think a scene in the movie Spiderman. From these two simple lines, I feel peace, love, and conviction. There is no doubt in the narrator's mind. I have no suggestions for the poem itself. It's beautiful. You could write more, and make it a longer poem, but it stands on its own. Good job. Keep writing!
Good use of imagery! You used imagery to tell your story, enhancing it instead of overwhelming it. I really enjoyed reading this. My favorite lines were: From her somber lips flowing nothings came
The blood soaked soil absorbed her sorrow
and the red trees weeped in sympathy.
Your poem flowed well, and read clearly. Thanks for entering my contest "Invalid Item" . Good job and keep writing.
Wow, this place is popular. I discovered this site yesterday, and have been involved reading the posts since. This is a great place for everyone to come hang out, discuss writing, and get some encouragement. You have a great set of rules to follow, and make everyone feel welcome. Thanks for hosting this forum. Keep writing!
This is a great group! I wish someone had welcomed me when I first joined writing.com. This is a great way to welcome newbies into the community and help them feel comfortable. I love the wagon picture, and the "Welcome" in different languages. Kudos to you and your group! Keep welcoming, and keep writing!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/maryjensen
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 3:51am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Looks great!
Merry Christmas, and Welcome to Writing.com!
Plot and Setting:
