Decent effort here. The writing itself is strong and leaves nothing wanting.
The premise of the story is also good. A classic settling. But the ending feels a bit predictable. As soon as they knocked on the back door I knew they would be in the house soon.The biggest question is if the knocking is coming from a person or something supernatural. I can see it both ways.
I saw your word count at the start so I'm guessing that this was written for a flash fiction contest. For this reason I gave it an extra star. Flash fiction can be so hard to get right.
Now for what I would change. Take out the part where she calls her mom, it doesn't really go anywhere. I would use that space to clarify if the knocker is a person or something more. For example you mention that she checked the locks and I assumed they were locked, but it's not clear.
I always like to close with something I liked. I felt that her calling 911 and then hanging up was very realistic.
Lastly please take everything I said with a grain of salt. Ultimately this is your piece and if you are happy with it that's all that matters.
I want to start by saying that this is just one opinion.
The content of this poem is very good and makes one think. I highly enjoyed it.
With that said the rhythm of the rhymes threw me off quite a bit. It felt that there was never a consistent flow.
First I want to say that this is just one opinion.
The content of this essay shows an understanding of both poems and how Whitman's view on Lincoln's death and death in general morphs over time.
The writing itself left something to be desired. It felt very stream of consciousness.
I found this poem searching "Lovecraft" so I'm going to guess you were going for a Lovecraftian feel. On that base, it's a little lacking for me. It's almost there but falls a little short. You have a bit the small feeling but I think this piece is just too short to really get that feeling.
Now beyond that, it's a very good poem. If you decide to expand it I'll be happy to review it again.
you have a great poem here. Very strong from beginning to in. Both in the technical field and in the emotional field that matters so much in a good work. You grab your reader from the start and simply refuse to release them. i say keep up the good work
great poem here. From start to finish it holds onto the reader and does noot let go. It is well written and offers no stumbling blocks along the way that could trip up the reader and damage the flow of the piece. Keep up the wonderful work and i look forward to reading more of your work
I have to say you have a Nice little piece you have here. It starts off good and offers no stumbling block along the way. the content is true and the reader can feel that. the reader can tell that you feel strongly in your faith and it rings in this piece
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:00am on Dec 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
