I enjoyed reading your story very much. I did however at times find the flow a little abrupt, to many short sentences. You have good descriptive sense and are a good storyteller. I enjoyed the dialogue very much, keep it up. I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
This was a lot of fun reading, well done. Nice ending, linked to the beginning. Good style and descriptive sense, enticing the reader to go on. The belief of love and romance to come gives way to professional manipulation, stylish intrigue and calculated wealth grab. What a gal, introductions please! It was an interesting turnaround, enjoyed it thoroughly. Look forward to more of your pieces.
Very well done, I enjoyed it immensely. You're very well versed at story telling and it comes across loud and clear. Your descriptive sense is bold and exciting and I really don't have any criticism other than a few typos. The story line is enthralling and left me wanting more. Now that's exactly what you want to create, something that captures your readers with intrigue and passion. Is there perhaps more to come? In any regards I look forward to reading more of your works. Thank you for the journey.
I like the flow of your writing and your descriptive intent is good and I was really hoping to understand it completely, rather than just in a general abstract sense.
However, I have to confess that I'm a little confused. I've read it about ten times hoping to pick up on some nuances that I may have missed the previous times...but it never happened. I sort of get the overall gist, but all the - lets start from the end but still referring to the past, which is really toward the beginning...gets a trifle mixed. I wanted to rate you higher but I needed some clarity.
Please understand that I do not mean this in any kind of disparaging manner. I do believe honesty is vital in reviews, but it is only my review and it may mean something completely different to someone else. I would however be keen on reading more of your works and will keep an eye out for them.
I would greatly appreciate it if you would let me know what it is I'm missing, as I am
interested in knowing.
Firstly let me say how much I enjoyed reading your poem. A wonderfully descriptive
narrative of the coming day. I was left with the elation of life around us and it's worth. I would like to offer a suggestion and please understand that this does not detract from a good piece, well written.
I had somewhat of a disconnect with the following line,
"Now the time has come, for this song to be done, as the sun so does decree".
and the rest of the poem that comes before it.
It seems to me that throughout the poem the approaching day is spoken of in future tense, yet to come and all that it promises to deliver. we never really experience it now, so when we realize the day is done and the sun is setting its happening now and for me it breaks the flow. Perhaps explaining the end of the day also in terms of future tense- yet to happen and the sun will make it's decree etc. Of course written in the same wonderful style and rhyme you have presented.
The intrepid warriors in all their glory, with their undiluted taste for victory. Warriors you can depend on to the end. A true soldiers story. Great flow and description. I very much liked " and scenes of celestial glory at mount Olympus".
If I may make a suggestion, the second word at the beginning should be "clanging" rather than "clinging". This was I'm sure a typing error. I look forward to more of your works.
Very good, I enjoyed it immensely. One is left feeling strong and secure that one's burning desires within one's heart is protected against all external treachery, a place where truth can and will survive. Keep it up, I will look out for more.
As we travel through hardship in our relationship, receiving scars of passion during our journey of ineffable love and discovery, the reconciliation of both hearts excite the romantic. I enjoyed it very much, well done.
A joy to read. Taking this trip with you, one could imagine that such a relationship between angels and demons exists, bringing them into the realm of our reality, instead of the mysterious evil that so often plagues our vision of the afterlife. Hey, the devil would be approachable and sexy...just watch that pitch fork! Well done.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/maurizio
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 1:42pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
