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Review of The long way home  Open in new Window.
Review by MayoP Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Wow, this was a rather creepy read but held my attention all the way to the end. I think the frantic, terrified emotion was described in simple words that emphasised them; that was good. I like how the beginning was actually the continuation of the ending. Overall you have a nice straightforward writing style.

You might want to do a grammatical check for some minor errors here and there. For example, "While hearing the whistle of the wind which made her shiver, Cassie tightened her arms around her chest." This sentence sounds awkward and fragmented. You could break it into two sentences, like "The whistle of the wind was making her shiver. Cassie tightened her arms around her chest."

Also, you might want to think of fleshing the essay out more, either through Cassie's inner thought narration or third person description. Otherwise this piece comes across as a rather random, no head or tail piece. I'd think it would be hard to find a sabre in just any old house.

Hope this review helped.
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