Shae Dema's (mcdanian) Reviews

Shae Dema

Review Requests: OFF

7 Public Reviews Given

7 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4495670

Review of How to Respond in English quickly

Review by Shae Dema

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello!

This is a very inspiring story. I enjoyed learning how Naoki came up with a plan to help Eisuke and how the game they played would work.

The names are a little difficult for me to wrap my tongue around (and I worry about not being able to pronounce them correctly) but I believe that adds to the charm of the story.

On the formatting side you may wish to place another line in between different paragraphs for those of us who find it difficult to follow one line to the next. Someone (k5rakitan) pointed this out to me on a piece I shared and I thought I'd pass along the information.

I hope Naoki and Eisuke continue their story with another instalment.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4495662

Review of Bella's Fantasy

Review by Shae Dema

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello!

This was a very interesting tale! I love how you worked so many different characters into a fantasy land with a cat narrator. It captures the imagination and makes me feel like a kid reading a story that I'll dream about later.

Great job and I love the art work!

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4495581

Review of Changes

Review by Shae Dema

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi there.

I enjoyed this piece you've shared. It painted daily life and the struggle I go through daily.

I don't really have any tips for you since I would change anything about your piece. I'm not an expert in poetry but if this was the first piece I read in a book I would probably purchase it.

Great job!

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4494987

Review of A Different Kind of Power

Review by Shae Dema

Rated: ASR

| (2.5)

This is a captivating world you've created. Your balance of description and dialogue is good. The pacing seemed a little off in the middle to me with the shorter breaks and lack of action descriptions. I think the pacing would be okay in a longer piece (which I really hope you choose to do). Especially if the end of the scene presents another challenge for Alyzia.

I really hope there is more to this story.

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4494975

Review of In my head!

Review by Shae Dema

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi Kiara!

I have to admit this piece made me smile (probably not what you intended) and remind me of my own stream of writing whatever pops into my head. I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this. And to be honest it is very comendable for putting this piece out for comments.

So while I had trouble jumping around with you I did enjoy the piece. Technically I wish you had broken up the sentences a little more to allow the reader a little breathing space instead of a giant chunk of text, but I'm not sure if that would have made your sentiments stand out anymore.

The only other thing I can really say is that you may not be as good or better than your brother with a guitar, drums, or keyboard commandeer one of them and play your heart out. It will annoy him and give you a bit of happiness too.