This has some really great potential, I love how the first part could so beautifully reflect the second. I just have a nagging idea that if you used that line "Johnny slumped. How is this possible..." down to "I can't wait to grow up...!" and so on, as your first line it would really create some great symmetry with that last line which is crafted very well "He longed for his days as a child when he could do whatever he wanted to do." It's a great last line.
I also love Johnny's character (both of them) they're very clear and strong and you really emphasise the sense of discontent running through them both.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mcecallaghan
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 2:52pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.