I love the way this is turning out! At the beginning, I thought it felt a little bit cliche, but by the end there's definitely a story here that I would love to continue reading. I'm definitely more interested in Jeffrey than I am in Tanya, though, I have to say--although I'm worried about what's going to happen to Tanya. What an awesome beginning to a story. I would suggest going though and editing for grammar, just to make the entire thing flow more smoothly, but other than that, just awesome!
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