This was a nice story full of suspense and a small lesson at the end. I liked the two girls Karen and Dianna They seemed very believable. Just two kids out for fun before the school year starts.
I did notice that you had two spellings for Diane and Dianne. I have done that plenty of times when writing my books. Over all this was a fun short read. Well done. Keep up the great work.
This was absolutely adorable. This would be a great kids book or maybe a great flash back to a young adult romance. I could imagine the young boy running all these thoughts. The twist at the end about him wetting the bed was just perfect. But now I want to know what happens when he comes face to face with Lee Ann.
I didn't see anything I would change other then wanting to read more on this story. Let me know if you add to it. great work!!!
This is a really good story. I can't wait to see what happens next.I didn't really see anything wrong but I would consider putting in a scene with him and his sister at the hospital at some point. Really hopeing that him and the nurse end up getting together.
I really enjoyed this story!! its really good as a short story and I see a great deal of potential for it to be a novelette or a full novel. There were only a couple of grammatical errors that I seen. The only other small thing I seen was in the beginning your characters' speech seemed a little stiff. it was all very proper I am, you are that kind of thing usually when people tend to be flustered or scared they run their words together I'm, we're, they're etc.. Not to say there was anything wrong with the way you wrote it. This is your story after all. :) but for me at lest it would make the story more believable and draw me into it that much more. Now back to the good stuff! I really did enjoy the story and would love to see what you do next with it. See where Cass and Michael's relationship goes. See Steve get what is coming to him or even see Cass's friend find her true love. Like I said the story has all kinds of potential and I look forward to seeing more. Feel free to message me or email me if you want any help or need a beta reader. I would love to help!!! (And I really mean that!) hope to hear from you p.s. I would put this under romance instead of erotica but once again it is only a suggestion :)
Megan
email here mckplk@writing.com
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