Nice wording and idea! I wish there was more to read, it left me hanging at the end. It felt like you didn't really finish your idea. Also, in the beginning with the repetition of the first two lines, maybe switch up the words a bit or find a better way to convey that they are the same. I liked it, but it makes reading it feel a little choppy and slow. Other than some flow issues, I thought this was great! Awesome job!3
Awesome job! Wow! I loved it, your rhyme was on point and you told a great story. Sometimes your word choice got a little redundant and repetitive, but other than a few tweaks here and there I think it's wonderful. I love the feminism approach, I'm all for it. This kind of s*** happens too much in our society, and kudos to you for speaking out about it. Again, great job!
Very nice imagery here! However, be careful with pretty words. Sometimes too much can make your writing seem muddy. You can have nice word choice and clarity, there just has to be a balance. Other than that, I really liked it! Great job and awesome descriptions!
Cool 8) I could see a zombie lord or some sort of supernatural being shouting this and her zombie minions rise from the dead! Very creative. The only word I'd change is "forevermore", it just doesn't fit very well and it a bit of a mouth full. Otherwise, great job! Cool idea, I've never really seen a "chant" submitted before.
Wow! Very wonderful word choice here. You definitely have some potential to become a GREAT author. The only thing I'd suggest is that there is a lot of repetition of your words, for example using "there's" over and over. It makes trying to read it a little monotonous and gives a choppy feel to the poem. That aside, great work! 8)
I liked this! However, I feel that sometimes your word choice was a little awkward. Good flow in your writing comes from more practice. You had a great idea and I loved your story- but sometimes the choppy sentences made it a little hard to understand and read. Overall, great job! Keep it up! I'd love to see more of your writing 8)
This is wonderful! You conveyed your emotions and struggle very well. I like your word choice and the way that the poem flows. Personally, I was able to relate. I loved this poem, however if I had to offer advice I'd say to choose transition words with a little more caution. Words like "but" and "and" at the begining of every sentence makes it feel a little choppy. I loved your rhyme scheme. There isn't much else I would change here. Awesome job!
I love the imagery used here, very beautiful writing! I especially love the lines, "I buried my heart deep,Because your reach was long – ". I love this poem, however, if I had to give some critique I would advise displaying more emotion. Do more to delve into the feeling of sadness using more clear examples. You captured it well, however it's easy to lose sight of what you're trying to say with vague comparisons. Overall, very nice! Great work!
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