I liked this. I liked the gentle flow that nicely carried me from the start to the end. It perfectly described feelings I've once felt. Every line worked well together to generate this beautifully written piece.
I haven't any suggestions to give, other than...keep up the good writing!:)
This is an open, sincere poem with a unique and interesting style. You are able to say so much, in so little time, with so few words.
One of the intentions of writing, beyond expressing a portion of inner self, is to, through words, connect to the world beyond our own personal interpretation. There are millions who can relate to this poem and probably reherse its lines daily...just not in the poetic form in which you presented.
Interesting poem. I enjoyed reading the creative use of language, like, "It's been three lifetimes of planets." I love that. Also, "deep, brown wells beneath ridges that question my sainity." I love this one, too. This is a unique and creative presentation. I enjoyed reading it...one part I didn't quite understand was, "black locks confirm what brown eyes deny."
I like the style and rhythm of this poem. It's a nice way to bring attention to such a relationship-as the one Lisa shared with all in the poem.
The majority of the time people are too busy howling, scowling, crying, sighing, and indulging in their fun to ever remember Lisa or her emotions until somebody wrote a poem like this, or until Lisa quit!:) Which ever came first.
LOVED IT!! I really enjoyed this one. My favorite line was, "Creating illnesses we can't cure." This hits close to home, because I am strong believer in the idea that how we feel about ourselves and our surroundings directly affects our health, positively or negatively. Thank you for speaking OUR mind...write on.:)
Not only does your mate give you joy, he also gave you a fresh idea to write about...the love of your life. I can understand the frustrations of wanting recognition for holidays, even though fully aware that the love doesn't rest on such displays. It seems that you have something that he couldn't have picked up for you from the store. You have HIM.:)
I have found myself in the past coloring my day black and blue with saddness of what I didn't get...candy, flowers, cards, bears...I wanted some of what thousands of women got and what was displayed at every store I went to. I wanted to be shown I was loved.
It took my last boyfriend to bring a little more sense my way. His gifts were always after the stroke of midnight, whether it be Christmas, to wait on the big sell, my birthday, because he had to work, or Valentine's day, because I relied too much upon receiving commercialized gifts. After I had a fit about how much he didn't love me, because the day had officially passed, he handed me seven cards, one for every day of that week, a dozen of roses, and a bag of Twizzlers, because he knew I hated chocolate. In addition to a silver necklace with diamonds outlining a heart and a matching heart linked bracelet to match.
I felt unworthy of his gifts after how I had acted. He told me it didn't take a holiday for him to shower me with gifts, which he pointed out were mere symbols of his affection and love for me. That's why this Valentine's day, I was able to accept not getting anything tangible besides a visit from my partner. I felt joy, though I was giftless. I knew I'd come a long way.
Sorry for such a long review. Your piece inspired us both to share the true meaning of love and a bond of a relationship. Thanks for sharing.
Aww, what a beautiful short story-and a collection of communication between a young girl and her grandmother. They were good for each other. I really enjoyed reading this. It reminded me of my mother...she died May-2006. I wish she had lived a bit longer so that my 8yr old daughter would have had the opportunity Kira had. Anyway, I enjoyed taking the journey through their union. I was glad Kira and her grandmother both made it to their islands. In the end they both found peace and fulfillment. Their love and letters carried them.
Thanks for writing and sharing this. I admired the unique format. The pictures were great. CREATIVE!!;)
I like this poem. It's short and touching. In seven lines it displays the emotions felt by families when they live a part, then are brought back together. Even though distance has grown between the members, the love shared still exists, in spite of the passage of time and the inevitable aging of its members.
I'm not quite sure why you said, "with-ering," instead of withering, but overall I enjoyed this poem. Keep up the insightful writing.:)
I like this. This is a creative way to express your view of the human race. Honestly, is so unique, I wouldn't change a thing...although the word "old" in line five doesn't seem to fit. I would have said something like "young and dumb," but that may not be the message you are trying to convey.
The only reason I give four and a half stars, instead of five is because of the tiny quirk I had with line five. Beyond that it is perfect. Welcome to writing.com. I look forward to reading more of your work.:)
I must say that I am glad to know that someone else has experienced going through the process of death although as soon as I say it I feel empathy for the individual. The lady I took this challenging journey with was my mother. I found this piece really effective in conveying the process as well as the emotional reactions. Minor grammatical changes, deciding on past, present, and future tense could have made it more readable yet its discrepency helped to convey the phenomenom of...life, death, and the uncertain moment in between. Overall I'd say this piece is insightful, well put together, and descriptive of the nature of such an event. I enjoyed reading it all three times I read it. Thanks. Keep them coming!:)
What an efficient and effective use of language. Line seven is my favorite..."igniting desire's fire to the icicles," because of the vivid image of contrast. From start to finish we can feel the emotions of love and longing along with fulfillment from the two.
I can't think of anything that is missing or that could have been done better. It is perfect in its uniqueness of style and the emotions found within. I enjoyed it.
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