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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meacu1pa
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4 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of All I Really Want  Open in new Window.
Review by Mea Culpa Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I can feel this piece, and I understand the awardicon. I haven't been in "that place" in a while, but I know it well.

The stanza repitition is quite lulling. It creates a nice cyclical feeling. I wonder if you can throw in something unexpected to jar the reader just a bit- like a verbal slap across the face. The only reason I say this is because the reader may actually get TOO comfortable in that rhythm- like it's either ok to be there, or it's like violence on tv- you experience so much of it, you can become apathetic to it. Just, maybe, something with which to play.

Thank you for sharing both pain and freedom.

Mea Culpa
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Review by Mea Culpa Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is one of those stories that you just read while nodding your head in acknowledgment- beginning witht the title. I like the various images that you use through the story. My FAVORITE is your description of the hot fries. That was beautiful (and, again, something every woman can relate to.)

I like her feeling of absurd disappointment that mirrors, very closely, the absurd and incredulous laughter I can hear throughout the story. Something akin to, "how the h*ll did I get to this point?" I think everyone has asked that question once or twice in their lifetime, at least.

Let's see, anything for improvement? Only one little grammatical thing.
"see all the good in the world buried behind them, how you are the best thing could ever happen to anyone," =insert that

Mea Culpa
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