Content-wise, this has the makings of a good story. As a piece of flash fiction, it delivers a complete tale as we can assume that Rainsford is about to meet his end.
Slightly confused over the role of the main character - starts off as a guard, then a cook, then armed and ready to kill. These varying aspects felt at odds with each other - maybe my imagination didn't stretch that far, but I'd look for more clarity on the MC's actual role.
His (or her) disappointment at not being able to kill Rainsford following their first encounter could be expanded upon - and then the reader would appreciate his (or her) glee at then being able to hunt him down. This would elevate the tension too.
Overall, a fun read - easy enough to follow (although the formatting would have made it clearer still) and with a good twist at the end.
I love this style of writing - it's wordy and evocative of the era. Your tone reflects the pomp of the period very well and your vocabulary is nicely fuelled by satire towards the idea of appropriateness in such a setting.
It has the effect of telling me that the protagonist feels silenced by society and yet cringes beneath the whale-boned corsets and stuffy attire with a desire to scream out at the hypocrisy. The humour is subtle - as it should be - but definitely present.
I loved the 'silver spoon' touch!
Although, would a child of this time really think in such a way? Is he/she not a product of that society? What makes him/her blur the boundaries of what is 'proper' and what is farce?
I'd be interested in reading more :)
Whilst the revenge action within the story is clear to see, it all happens a bit too fast and there is no explanation for the revenge.
I'm not sure of the sequence of events - if Molly is now dead, why does the family not seem that bothered?
If you fleshed this out with more detail and explained why she wants revenge, then the story would be more interesting.
There needs to be more emotional reactions to both her death / murder and to the trouble she causes to scare them.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meandthemutts
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 8:13am on Dec 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
