pretty inspirational- as an athiest even, i am touched by this story.
i like the bible quote at the begining- i think its a good introduction to this annecdote. however the purple bit, after the bible quote and before the actual story...you can scrap that i think. i think you should get rid of the purple because its sort of like another thing you have to read before you get into the story, and its also distracting, because your story is not about what an angel looks like it is more about what an angel did to for your son. the purple writing doesnt need to be there
in the actual story. good structure. avoid cliches....
well done
good points
i cant leave myself/ i tried
that little bit gives the poem structure, and i think structure is a really good thing.
you may want a bit more repeated words, or lines,
dont like the ending...
but i cant leave...
its just a little bit passive
i want to be chilled, or shocked or something
maybe a repeated line/ word could work
the last stanza does seem a little bit out of place from the rest...
try to have a thread- an idea that is present in all stanzas- again- the repeated lines could do this
other than that- love the rhyming in the first two stanzas
really good imagery, however personally i like a bit more personality rather than description. i think some dialoge between the persona and the woman might improve it. the ending didn't really do it for me....my future awaits.... just a little bit blunt to be honest.
i like the use of an ice lake as a metaphor.
the preoccupations of forgiveness, and renewal- thats really deep and strong, but i definitely think you need a bit of background- thats what i meant by it needs personality. i understand how it feels to be in the ice lake, but i do not know /why/ i am there. if we have some background, i think it will be just right.
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