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Review by Michael Crouch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.5)
General thoughts of the Piece:

Tone: – I couldn’t really get a sense for the piece. I had no feeling whatsoever.

Voice: – Your narrative voice could use some work to be honest. I felt there little or no characterization in the way you presented “Cody”, and I couldn’t become attached to him. The same thing goes with the Grandfather.

I would suggest fleshing out your characters. Bring them to life with their own little quirks and personalities. The piece would have drawn me in if you had accomplished it.

General Strengths of the Piece:

*The piece had a good pace to it.

*I liked the dialogue.

*You have the potential to craft a good story

General criticism of the Piece:

* There were point of view errors

* There were grammatical mistakes. For example,
“Today was Cody's birthday, and his grandfather wanted to buy his first gift of the day”

The correction

Today was Cody's birthday, and his grandfather wanted to buy him his first gift of the day”

*Very minimal characterization

*Poor transition. You repeatedly had bad transition between paragraphs. It made the piece difficult to read

Rating and Summary:

1.5 Stars

Your writing mechanics need work, and I’d suggest brushing up on them basics(they’ll make you a better writer) Bad characterization and transitioning also made the piece dull and hard to read. I also think you left out a lot of information that was vital to the logical progression of the story.

Despite all the criticism, I just wanted to let you know that I wouldn’t be giving you this review if you didn’t have potential. The elements of good story-telling are there, you just need to work on the craft, and take to heart the feedback you receive on your work. You’ll be a better writer for it.
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