You did a nice job for a piece of flash fiction. The scene is set quickly and the characters are established with a minimum of words. My only suggestion would be to build the suspense once Mickey enters the house. This could be just describing sounds or the looks of the house.
First, off - hello fellow insomniac, it is what drew me to the poem.
While I like the content and sentiment, I think you might consider breaking and shortening the lines so it mimics the slow passage of time. You might also consider breaking it into stanzas.
To give you an idea --
"In the darkness of my room
I lie still
Time drags its feet
My mind twists
Each blink turns thoughts to visions
They haunt me.
Each night sleep avoids me
Why am I awake with dread?"
I hope this gives you an idea of what I am talking about.
This showed up when I was looking for a story to review. I liked it because, as an amateur woodworker, I can sympathize with the experience of running a sander all day.
There are two broad suggestions.
1. Rewrite it as an internal dialogue of the operator. Example for the start "I don't know which is worse, the weight of this damn sander or that I'm losing feeling in my hands from the vibration. Shift left, shift right and then back again. One door down. Good time to stretch and flex my hands. Need to do this before foreman notices. Too late! Next door. Same thing. Left, right. Check the finish, change sandpaper, pick up the next door, do it all again for 10 hours until the end of the day and then do it all again tomorrow."
2. Write it as a poem (I'm not as good with that).
This popped up when I was looking for a story to review. I liked the twist at the end; however, I have a few comments.
1. Have the flatpack come from Ikea rather than Walmart. It is more of a stereotype.
2. I've never come across furniture instructions requiring a ratchet mostly because you then need to specify the size ratchet (metric or standard?). A wrench may be specified, but usually a stamped metal wrench is included.
3. Allen wrenches are often included. You could have the two look at the fallen wrench and wonder it is a part that they need.
4. You are playing on some stereotypes of homosexual men not knowing about tools and lesbians being handy. It has become typical that most people are not handy with tools. My neighbor has built a nice business on this ignorance by charging people for simple tasks like hanging pictures.
I liked this. There is a good premise for a series (War on the Future) and the two main characters (Coal and Ivy) are quickly established. Having the three lab assistants named after the Three Stooges was confusing at first until I got the joke (Shades of the Batman circa 1966).
I think you did a good job of capturing the writer's path, especially success as a result of multiple rejections. The conclusion is a lesson all writers need to learn (and many don't).
As a member of the American Legion, I have participated in several flag retirement ceremonies. You've described a very respectful and moving ceremony. I am glad to see that it has been adopted by the Boy Scouts.
Much of the first paragraph was her telling us about her situation. You could try editing to make it more active. Example -
"Another day sitting at my desk as Mr. Livingston's secretary where all I had to do was to type up his chicken-scrawled ideas. My husband didn't like the idea of me working, so this was as good as it was going to get. At least until I answered the phone.
"Mr. L --"
"You need to get someone out here." The caller's Tennesee accent meant he was local.
"But --" He hung up, so I took a look outside.
I thought this was a great piece of flash fiction. You have a great catch at the beginning and have established the three-act structure with a minimum of words. Excellent!
As a former DoD analyst who spent 20 years as a university lecturer in terrorism and security studies, I found this very close to the truth.
One critique is that she was contacted by the FBI. If her experience is like mine after September 11th, she is more likely to be contacted by either a think tank (e.g., the Center of Naval Analysis) or directly by the ODNI (https://www.dni.gov/).
The meeting is also more likely to be at the National Security Council Policy Coordinating Council dealing with Korea. I like the detail of the President granting access.
This is an excellent example of telling a story with just a few words. Even without a context for the executions, I could sense an emotional relationship between the two.
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