I liked the topic. I think what got me the most, as what does with most poems, when a poem has such an obvious rhyme scheme I wish the syllables would match up more. I'm not sure what the technical term is, but here's an example:
After all, just yesterday we’d been in the park, (12 syllables)
Feeding the birds, her favorite was a lark (10-11, depending on how pronounce "favorite")
But when I thought about all that had passed (10 syllables)
I realized that yesterday, was 10 years past (11 syllables)
I maybe would've said this:
After all, just yesterday, we'd been in the park (12)
Feeding the birds - her favorite, the bright yellow lark (12)
And so forth and so on.
Keep writing!
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