Great work.. I'd give it to my own mother. Do work more on your rythm, just follow your heart and allow the rythm to form there....if you want a line to bear three points, just break it in meaningfully in whatever English you fancy most, for example: once in a while i brush my teeth twice or 'ven less i wash my feet do then ask me when i'll change my style i'll say its when your tooth turns to tile (use those qotation marks, they shorten syllables where applicable) shalom brother.
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