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 A Review from Pat's Porch
I am reviewing "Bride 2 Be"  because you won my package in "Invalid Item" and requested this item to be reviewed. 
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you.
I will say that I'm relatively new to reviewing chapters, but I wanted to stretch my skills. I'm no expert on writing, but what I can do is share my own observations from the many books I have read and continue to read. I have also learned a lot since I joined WdC, so I hope my review will be helpful, kind, and encouraging. Thanks for allowing me the honor of reviewing a chapter you have devoted yourself to.
Chapter One
A Little Note
FURY RACED THROUGH LISA Green’s her veins like lava spewing from a volcano on the brink of eruption. She stared at the note, disgust leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. Her sister’s sloppy penmanship handwriting blurred as her mind whirled. What in the hell is Penny thinking? My sister has no morals! Can’t she see this could ruin my partnership with the Grayburg’s?
It's often best to use a simpler word. In this instance, "penmanship" overstates the situation. At least, that's my initial thought. I felt like the first line was a little over the top in describing the anger Lisa felt. Maybe you could write it something like this: Lisa felt her blood heat as she stared at the note, disgust leaving a bitter taste in her mouth." This does two things for you. First, it lets the reader know Lisa's name in a more natural way. By saying that she felt her face heat and also that disgust left a bitter taste in her mouth, the reader has no doubt that she is very angry.
Unable to stand still, she began pacing the store. “I’ve spent the last five years building my business from the ground up. I brought in fashion designer Anna Brady. I made the deal for the financial backing from the Grayburg’s. Does Penny even appreciate how hard I’ve worked to get us this kind of stability? I’ve given up so much, so she’d be well cared for and how does she repay me?” Lisa’s rant echoed off the walls of her empty boutique, reverberating in her ears.
I like the way you let the reader know that Lisa's boutique is empty. It helps us understand the significance of the note and the level of anger Lisa feels. It motivates us to read more and find out what happened that caused Lisa to lose her boutique.
Several times each year, Lisa hosted previews of Anna’s new collection in Endurance. Together, the pair traveled to New York for business meetings with the Grayburg’s. It didn’t No matter how many times Anna and Lisa’s financial backers came to town,it wasn’t enough to remind Penny of Penny had not learned the Grayburg motto—never mix business with pleasure. Lisa stopped mid-step before the counter, grabbing onto the glass and took taking a deep breath. Her mind flashed back to the debacle two months ago at Megan and Corey Brady’s wedding reception that she had hosted. She shivered, thinking about the police barging in and arresting Corey for an unresolved crime since it happened in front of the entire Grayburg family. Even though it turned out all right, the drama was still fresh in everyone’s mind and left the relationship between the two companies on shaky ground, in her opinion. The town gossip mongers tried and convicted Corey before knowing the facts, and God only knew what they would do with the news that Penny ran had run off to elope.
I wonder what Endurance is. Is it a clothing line? a company? a fashion show? You made good use of the em dash (—). Since "grabbing" is used with -ing, the next verb needs to be in the same tense—taking. This is a good paragraph. I mainly just cleaned out some unnecessary words and pointed out a few missing commas. Writing is more powerful when excess words are removed and the sentences convey the message in as few words as possible. Use strong, specific verbs and nouns to do the work for you.
Lisa couldn’t endure the public scrutiny again. Her only choice would be to intercede before it became too late. She had to board the next flight to New York and stop that wedding before it became public fodder or and the end of her profitable business union!
Picking up the cell phone, she punched in Calvin Grayburg’s number, her main contact, and paced the Boutique again, attempting to regain her composure. The second he answered, she spoke.
“Calvin, it’s Lisa Green. I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but it seems that Edward and Penny are eloping.”
Ah. . . you found the perfect place for us to learn Lisa's full name. 
Lisa snatched her purse off the glass counter and headed to the front door of the Boutique.
Do you know what I see here? A good example of "showing," not "telling."  The fact that Lisa "snatched" her purse off the counter "shows" us an image of what she is feeling. 
“What? Are you sure about that? I just saw him last night and he didn’t say a word.”
“Why am I not surprised?” she muttered. “I’m holding the note Penny left in my hand. I probably don’t have to say this, but any marriage at this point would be a disaster for both of our companies.”
“You’re right.” Calvin sighed. “Besides, Penny’s too young for Edward.”
When you use the action tag "sighed" you need to make it a sentence itself. When we sigh, we can not actually speak. So we write what he said as one sentence and then make a new sentence to let us know that he sighed. By the way, this is good dialogue. It tells us a little more about the relationship between the two companies. We know that the relationship is already rocky, and a scandal might be fatal. We also learned that Edward is much older than Penny. It makes me think that Penny is fairly young--maybe in her mid-twenties?
Lisa scoffed, the lava in her veins erupting. “What you meant to say is that your younger brother is too old for my sister.” Lisa couldn’t be thrilled with her sister’s actions, but she’d be damned if Penny became the scapegoat. “I’m heading to the airport and will be on the next flight to New York. I’ll call you with my flight information.” She hit the end button without giving him a chance to reply and tossed the cell phone into her purse.
Now aren't you glad you saved "lava" for now? Ah! What a punch you gave us with the knowledge that Edward is Calvin's younger brother! That changes my original opinion of Penny!
She locked the door to the Boutique, got into her car, and raced home to pack, and then headed out to wasting no time in leaving for the airport. On the drive, she called Anna Brady, the designer of Anna’s Originals, Jill West, Debbie Porter, and Megan Brady to make sure that someone would cover her and Penny’s shifts at the store, not knowing how long she’d be away. She spun a tale about a family emergency and hoped no one questioned it. This couldn’t could regrettably get out, and Lisa would do whatever she had to do to make sure that if it did, she controlled had control of the information.
I'm really enjoying this, Theresa! I'm mainly doing a little tweaking and some comma placement and a tad of grammar correction.
ONCE THE PLANE TOUCHED down, Lisa’s heart raced. At this point, she had no idea where her sister could be. For all she knew, Penny had hopped a plane to New York, and then another to Vegas or Mexico for one of those quickie marriages. The mere thought made her scowl and her stomach knotted in desperation She scowled at the thought, and her stomach knotted as she tried to think of the next step. If Penny and Edward managed to leave New York, they would be almost impossible to find. The entire flight, all she could think about was what kind of damage this could do her business. It wasn’t just the boutique on the line; Anna’s Originals had a stake as well. Her thoughts ranged from the worst-case scenario of their partnership imploding to the Grayburg’s elation about their son being married, though the latter seemed unlikely. Her head pounded as she grabbed her carry-on and walked off the plane, determination filling every footstep.
I'm really feeling what Lisa is going through. Good showing!
Calvin stood near the exit, looking rougher than usual. His cropped blonde-brown hair had that rumpled, just-rolled-out-of-bed look, and his attire mirrored that tale. At every fashion show and the countless business meetings they’d had over the years, Calvin wore only the finest in suits, dressed to the nine’s. Remarkable.
In the first sentence (and the others I've marked similaryly), the verb "looking" is not next to the noun it refers to (Calvin). When this happens, you need a comma. The words I placed hyphens between make up a compound adjective, more than one adjective used together to describe the noun (look). It's like bluish-green, or reddish-orange. You've done a good job in this chapter of revealing bits and pieces about each character without dumping it all on us at once. It feels very natural. This requires good timing and careful thought. Another !
“You look like hell,” Lisa admitted.
Calvin smirked and reached out to take her bag. “Thanks for noticing. You didn’t give me much time to go home and change.”
Lisa’s One eyebrow rose as she looked him over again from head to toe. “Did I interrupt your little rendezvous?”
“Yes and no. Let’s just say the call was welcomed. Liz Beth can be a little . . . clingy,” Calvin said, winking at her, his brown eyes dancing.
You need some spaces when you use suspension points. Chicago Manual of Style insists on a space before and after and between each dot. However, I often see it written like this: Liz Beth can be a little... cranky, inserting a space only at the end.
Lisa rolled her eyes, not interested in the least about his sexual escapades when their siblings were about to make the biggest mistake of their lives. “Spare me the raunchy details. We have a wedding to stop.”
Calvin chuckled. “Right, I forgot—it’s all business with you. No fun, no games, no excitement.”
Heat rose to her skin She felt her face heat as anger shot through her in an instant. Lisa reached forward and pulled her bag from his hand, but he wouldn’t let go. “I don’t have time to waste standing here in the airport while you take jibes at me. I think I’ll just find them on my own.” They tugged on the bag back and forth before Lisa gave up, and crossed her arms over her chest, surprised by the knowledge that he could annoy her so quickly.
We always want to read through our work and look for extra words we can cull. We want our writing to be tight. You used a strong verb (shot) which did the job for you. Since anger shot through her, we already know it happened instantly. That's what good verbs will do! We want fewer adjectives and adverbs. We accomplish this by using strong, specific verbs and nouns that can tell the tale on their own. That doesn't mean we eliminate of of the adjectives and adverbs, but we need to use them cautiously and powerfully. Make them tell us something that a better noun or verb cannot say.
She glared at him. “Drop the bag,” Lisa ordered, her voice dropping an octave, impressing herself with that authoritative tone.
Instead of complying, Calvin grabbed her hand and dragged Lisa out of the airport. “My father always says, ‘Cal, Lisa Green is our number one priority, make sure she gets whatever she needs.’”
Lisa struggled to keep up with him as he took his long strides, his grip firm on her hand, the sound of the sharp clicks of her heels across the white tile producing a steady rhythm. He led her through the crowd, outside into the bright afternoon sun to the awaiting limousine. The chauffeur jumped to open the door for them and relieved Calvin of the suitcase. Calvin slid into the backseat and tugged Lisa along with him. Her heel caught on the door jamb and she lost her balance, the jolt sending her head first into Calvin’s lap. Her hands landed on the black leather, one on each side of his hips. She looked up into his face, his eyes dancing with amusement as he gazed down at her.
Uh-oh, I think I see something brewing.
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“Don’t be,” he whispered his breath hot in her ear, “I don’t mind. At. All.”
She pushed away from his body and sat, sliding closer to the door and away from Calvin. He had irritated was irritating her as he never had before and made the anger boil over, ready to explode. She was so used to his pleasant and professional demeanor. “Just take me to the nearest hotel. I can take it from there.”
“Already taken care of; I made reservations for you at my father’s favorite hotel. In fact, you have the room right next to mine.”
Oooh, I love the words breathed into her ear. Isn't that provocative?
Mortified by the thought, she turned in his direction. An irritating smirk took over appeared on (maybe?) his face when he noticed her reaction. What is going on here? The Calvin Grayburg she’d grown accustomed to was kind and soft-spoken, polite to a fault, and quiet with no sense of humor, who took the term all business to a whole new level. Who is this man? What happened to him in the last six months to make him have such a drastic change of character? She knew his fiancée had broken the engagement at the last minute, but she doubted that could have affected him like this.
Though I'm not really happy with "took over," I'm not sure what I would replace it with. You might want to give it some thought, or leave it as it is. I love where this is headed.
“What happened to the penthouse suite with your parents?”
“I moved,” he stated.
“Obviously,” Lisa said, and then sighed. “I mean, why did you leave your parents place?”
He turned towards her. As if a light switch shut off, Lisa watched as that irritating smile and the laughter in his eyes faded away. Seriousness took over, etched taking the sparkle from his dreamy brown eyes, (no comma here) and crinkling his forehead. Now he looked more like the man she dealt with, and Lisa found relief in that. She could relax and be herself with this man.
“It was time.”
I don't think you want to use "etch" with his eyes. Usually, "etch" is used to describe lines etched on someone's face. "The worry etched lines in her beautiful face."
Lisa laughed at the vague response. That was just one thing she valued about him: he never said more than he had too. He didn’t beat around the bush and pulled no punches, just said what was necessary and moved on, often at break-neck speeds.
This is an excellent place to use a colon! In this case, it introduces a sentence that needs a little emphasis.
“I bet it’s hard not having the maid to pick up after you or a chef to cater to your appetite,” Lisa quipped. She crossed her arms as a smug smile lifted the corners of her mouth, her satisfaction evident.
Calvin shifted in his seat and faced her, his posture stiff. “Listen, you and I would be better off not making small talk. We never have before; I see no sense in starting now.” He waited, his hazel orbs eyes probed hers for a response. When she only stared, he cleared his throat. “May I see the letter Penny left?”
Lisa nodded, tore her eyes from his. She saw a flicker of sadness in those brown pools, something she never expected to see from a rich and powerful man such as him, and knew how well he kept his emotions in check. Lisa respected that. She opened her purse and pulled the slip of white paper out, and held it in the air for him to take it out to him.
”orbs” sounds a little too poetic. In the last line, culling out unnecessary words and saying it with fewer words gives the line more power.
Reaching out for the note, his long fingers brushinged against her hand and sent a tiny jolt of electricity up her arm. Closing her eyes, Lisa let the sensation creep up her arm and settle in her chest. How odd to have any reaction to such an innocent touch. Lisa peeked out of the corner of her eye as he read over Penny’s letter, (no comma)and waited for a response. His tanned face remained unreadable; the hard lines around his eyes and chin never wavered. He remained all business. The lighthearted one that met her at the airport seemed like trouble, and she would avoid that at all costs. Penny created enough chaos in their lives, especially with her latest escapade, though this time she wondered how she’d be able to prevent the circumstances from unfolding.
They arrived at the hotel, and she followed Calvin inside, through the lobby and straight to the elevator bank. He handed her a key card (space between "key" and "card.") as they reached the elevators, apparently not joking when he said he already had her set up. The sooner she got to her room, she could unpack her few items and work out a plan to locate Penny and Edward before they tied the knot.
A thought occurred to her when the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. “Did you hire a private investigator to track them down?” she asked.
Calvin hit the button to the 25th floor, and the doors closed. He stood in front of her, those eyes again catching her off guard. They seemed to change color and intensity right before her, no longer cool and calculating. the playfulness lit up his face returning full force to the way they were at the airport she’d seen in his eyes at the airport returning.
“I thought about it, and then had a better idea.”
Lisa’s shoulders slumped a tiny fraction and she shook her head. “What could be better than having a PI (I don't like to use abbreviations unless the spelled out version is long.) find them and report back to us?”
Calvin laughed and turned away from her. “I called our pilot to see if any trips were scheduled.”
In all the chaos, Lisa forgot about the three private jets the Grayburg’s owned. “Well?” she demanded.her impatience at the lack of dialogue and detail from Calvin hadbecome an annoyance.
“Edward scheduled a flight to Vegas for this evening. I’m sure he and Penny are holed up in a hotel somewhere, or they’re out wasting money, thinking we’re all clueless as they gallivant around without a care in the world. This is a marriage of convenience, nothing more.” He sounded confident and in control, his words hitting Lisa like a punch in the gut.
His cold tone made the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention. “So, you believe that Penny has nothing to offer someone such as Edward? That she’s beneath your family.”
Calvin gazed at her andshook his head. “I wouldn’t say that. I believe Edward is out to prove a point, and this would send a clear message that he means business.”
As you can see, most of what I’m doing here is cleaning up some grammar and punctuation. And these are very common errors. Overall, your understanding of grammar and punctuation is very good.
Lisa pondered that thought. Something had to be brewing inside the Grayburg family dynamic. She’d spent enough time with the family to know that Edward was second in line, which didn’t sit well with him. She could garner a guess that it had much to do with a power play inside the company. Would Edward involve Penny just to make a point? Would he be that cruel and play upon a young girl’s affections?
You're doing a good job of catching new readers up on what has happened in the previous books, or reminding return readers of that important information. When there is significant time between the publication of one book and the next, it is incumbant on the author to remind the reader of things that happened in the previous books, and it must be done in a natural way, gradually, not dumping the information all at once.
“And now Penny will be caught up in all of this. My sister would only do this if she believes he loves her. Are you telling me that this is a game?” Penny’s impulsiveness often sent Lisa into damage control and rescue mode. With their parents deceased, Lisa took it upon herself five years ago, to make sure that Penny was well cared for and had everything she needed within reason. She had paid for college and set her up at the Boutique and then had found her an adequate place to live once she had graduated college.
“I’m not going to lie to you: (or —)it very well could be. Edward is not comfortable being second in line behind me. He believes that it should either be a shared responsibility or his job to lead us into the next decade.”
Calvin moved to her side as the elevator stopped with a loud ding that jolted Lisa. He reached his hand out and rested it on her forearm with a gentle squeeze she didn’t expect, which made her breath catch. “We will find them and stop it from happening. You have my word.”
Good job with the sexual tension brewing between Calvin and Lisa. I always look for books that have some romance in them, whether they are Science Fiction or Action/Adventure! It's a must for me.
She believed him. The kindness that she noticed in this man made her have faith that they could locate their siblings and make them see reason, and, with a little luck, they would find them in time. Now all they had to do was stop them from boarding the plane for Vegas.
Calvin led her to the room, relieved her of the key card (key card) and opened the door. She followed him inside, glad to have a few minutes to freshen up before chasing Penny and Edward. In a perfect world, Penny would wise up and head back to Endurance all on her own, but Lisa knew it would never happen the way she wanted. Penny liked to see things through, no matter the cost.
“My room is right next door. I need a quick shower, and I’ll be back here within thirty minutes. If you’re hungry, go ahead and order room service. The Shrimp Scampi is excellent.” With that, he backed out of the open door and pulled it shut.
Lisa sat down on the large bed which sat against the wall, twenty feet from the door, and sighed. She never expected to be in New York right now, had a million things at the Boutique she should be concentrating on, and now she would be stuck trying to save her sister again. Cleaning up Penny’s messes was common practice over the last two years, each instance bigger than the last escapade and creating a rift between the sisters.
Lying back on the firm bed, gazing up at the white ceiling, her thoughts went back to the touch of Calvin’s hand. Three times he had touched her, the first forceful and harsh. The second slight touch of his hand left her heart fluttering like a schoolgirl, which took her off guard. She noticed a profound gentleness about him that she never knew existed the third time he touched her. Calvin Grayburg appeared to be a total and unexpected mystery. The question is how much of that mystery do I care to unravel?
Lisa closed her eyes and attempted to drive all images of Calvin out of her mind, knowing he was a big distraction. She had to concentrate on her mission; nothing else mattered at that moment. She rose from the bed and went to the large window, stood before it and looked out upon the city. Lisa loved New York, the feel of the vibrant city life as people rushed everywhere at all hours. She found it exciting, the place to be, especially when it pertained to the fashion industry. She imagined it would be her home countless times, that she would obtain her dream career, and be on the cusp of the latest fashion trends. That all changed when her parents died in the car crash.
In the first line of the paragraph above, you used a semicolon after "eyes." When using a semicolon, you should always make sure that the part before AND after the semicolon are full sentences. And all full sentences, except for commands, must have a subject and a verb.
Neon signs in various colors sparkled down below. The vibrant city was a spectacular glow of rainbow hues. Her gaze drifted toward the bridge to New Jersey illuminated in the distance, so far away from where she stood. The only lights she saw back in Endurance consisted of a star-filled night sky. In contrast, the glowing lights here took over, making it difficult to find one star.
She turned away from the window and took in her lavish surroundings. The modern décor of the room surprised her. She knew the Grayburg family and their taste in antique style furnishings. She wondered what the real reason behind Calvin’s sudden departure from the family Penthouse could be. After living in that flamboyant existence for decades, growing accustomed to such extravagances, she found it hard to believe he would give it all up and live in a hotel, even one this lavish, especially since he remained single.
The white dresser gleamed, shined with polish to polished to a gleam caught the light from the small chandelier that hung in the middle of the room. It sat across from the bed, which had night tables, one on each side. Plush navy carpet sat beneath her feet, her heels sinking in and keeping her off balance. A black table with three white leather chairs sat beside the window, adorned with fresh flowers in a crystal vase.
Please know that my suggestions for changing the wording in a line is just that—my suggestion. I don't presume to know how you want to write it. I am thoroughly enjoying this chapter!
She walked across the room, kicked her shoes off at the closet next to the front door. Lisa wondered just what kind of treasures she would find in the bathroom, and headed there for a glimpse of the pampering she would enjoy later. She opened the door, excitement taking hold. Peering inside the darkened room, she opened the door all the way and located the light switch. With the bright lights engulfing the big room, they were almost blinding, making her squint before stepping inside. Baby blue ceramic tile covered the floor and led to a Jacuzzi style bathtub and separate shower stall. An enormous smile took over her face, picturing herself turning on the jets and sinking down into a tub of hot water, surrounding her body in luxurious bubbles, something she enjoyed immensely after a long day at the Boutique. Thick white towels sat on shelves next to the double sink, with toiletries already in place. She could get used to this kind of treatment. Being in the Grayburg’s inner circle could become addicting.
That thought sent a quick, sharp pain to her heart. If I can be blindsided and lured into this lifestyle, then Penny doesn’t stand a chance. Lisa knew that she had little time to find her sister and get her back home where she belonged. The longer she stayed with Edward, the harder it would be to convince her to come back to small-town America. She had to act fast. She moved back into the bedroom, determined to get this show on the road. Rummaging through the small suitcase she managed to throw together, Lisa swapped out her business suit for jeans and a nice shirt cropped at the waist, not knowing where this adventure would lead.
So here we are at the end of the chapter! Do I think that a new reader would enjoy this book without having read the previous books? YES! I sure did! Do I think a return reader would enjoy it? Absolutely! You did a great job bringing information from the previous books over to this book. This helps the return reader, as well as the new reader. I know I gave a lot of comments and suggestions. I wanted to give each paragraph the attention it deserved. I wanted to give specific comments, rather than trying to give vague comments that would not show you the things that caused me to make those comments. I've thoroughly enjoy doing this review. I hope that my comments have been helpful, kind, and encouraging. I think you are a good writer, and I believe you will publish these books. I don't say these things lightly, and I don't try to flatter any writer just to make them feel good. I like to point out errors and make suggestions for rewording when I come across them. And I love being able to say a lot of positive things about the item I'm reviewing. I'm so glad you won my package. This has been fun for me.
Keep writing, Theresa! If you like my style of reviewing, I'd love to read future chapters as you apply the grammar and punctuation to them and find ways to make your sentences strong by using strong, specific nouns and verbs. If you let your verbs and nouns do their job, you won't need as many adjectives and adverbs. And when you do need an adjective or adverb, make sure it is the best word for the job it needs to do. By the way, I say that to all writers. I teach it in Grammar Garden, so I say it a lot. Show me what you've learned and let me know when you want me to review the next chapter. I can't promise to review the whole book, but you never know.
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A Review from Pat's Parlor 
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