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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/misterachilles
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Review by MisterAchilles Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
First off, I'm quite new here. Apologies is this review is less than awesome. *Smile*

I'm a fan of comic fantasy (think Christopher Moore) and I really enjoyed your piece. The opening was fantastical and wonderful! I kind of wish the tone could have stayed a little closer to that rather than moving to a more anachronistic level (which I know is necessary to some degree for the comic effect-- to spotlight contrasts between their world and ours).

The banter between the brothers was excellent. The only slight issue I had in this section was the one brother telling the other what had happened to their father. He should already have known this information, so it might be powerful to find a different way to convey this back story to the reader.

The pacing was good, the humor was good. I would probably prefer higher stakes. At this point in the story it isn't clear what the cost of failure (being discovered crashing the party) might entail.

Great opening. I would read more.
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