I loved the creative names you used for your characters, especially Kokroche.
I enjoyed reading this. It took me till the the part where Mr. Quaintick was advised to climb through a hole to figure out the story behind the "underworld."
I liked what you said in the ending very much.
You write very well. I didn't see any technical error.
I'm not finished reading from your port yet, enjoying the wonderful tribute to your mother, your Muse. I should be doing my homework, but I can't seem to leave your WDC space.
This poem is very sad because it's about your mother's last days on earth. I enjoyed the references to the games she played with you, especially the Scrabble, which is one of my favorite board games.
I have a tiny nitpick about the line below:
"realize lifes dreams for me." I think "lifes" should read "life's."
Also, your punctuations at the end of each line are inconsistent. Sometimes you punctuate, sometimes you don't. Sometimes the third line ends with a period (.), sometimes a semicolon (;), and sometimes, nothing at all.
Thank you. Write on.
Christine (Rocky Mountain Kid) A proud member of the
WDC ANGEL ARMY
I am not a poet; never even once wrote one. But I do like reading them. Sometimes I understand them, sometimes I don't. This I understand, and I love it. I have recently pressed within the pages of my favorite book the first ever rose I received from a boy--my boyfriend. I hope I don't look at the rose someday and only be reminded of a love that had died. But maybe that's not too bad?
Christine (Rocky Mountain Kid) A proud member of the
WDC ANGEL ARMY
How does one review a tribute like this? This is wonderful. A eulogy expressed by a true writer. I've never read a tribute to a mother that has not been filled with praises to the departed. This makes me feel guilty because I don't have a lot of praises for my mother, so far, because I think she's been mean to my Dad, especially when she was divorcing him. I hope this will change someday because I love her, and I hope to be able to write a tribute like this for her someday. . .while she's still young.
Sincerely,
Rocky Mountain Kid
(I'm glad we can hide behind a pseudonym here.) A proud member of the
WDC ANGEL ARMY
I am not a poet; never even once wrote one. But I do like reading them. Sometimes I understand them, sometimes I don't. This I understand, and I love it. I have recently pressed within the pages of my favorite book the first ever rose I received from a boy--my boyfriend. I hope I don't look at the rose someday and only be reminded of a love that had died. But maybe that's not too bad?
Christine (Rocky Mountain Kid) A proud member of the
WDC ANGEL ARMY
"Have you ever been hungry?" you asked. Yes, I have been, but only for short periods of time. Food is always abundant at home. But I see hunger in the emaciated bodies and faces of children in Africa and other third world countries, and I don't want to ever experience that kind of hunger.
I read this poem several times. I was touched by some of the things you said. I admire you for writing a poem for such an important world issue. However, much of the wordings in your poem were not clear to me. I'm sure it's just me.
WOW!! I don't know if it's the child in me, but I had the best time reading this story. I think it's one of the best stories I've ever read here. I also think that it should be published already, either as an illustrated story, or a young adult short story. Heck, I think adults would enjoy it too. What do I know?
The town of Cong, the old man holding a dark wooden cane, the Giant’s Grave, the alder tree where the old man keeps his medicine, the journey to the Giant's Grave, the woman’s voice whispering, “Dermot…Dermot…where are you, Dermot,” and the magical hole in the alder tree . . . these immediately captivated my interest, and I could not put the story down after that, until after I finished reading the whole thing.
You have a very imaginative mind. I hope to learn from your skills; therefore, I will try to raid your port this spring vacation.
This is one of my favorite lines: So the living stones moved about, they spoke to one another in gravelly voices, and they even built a little town for themselves. They named the town Crrrkgrrnchgrblgrbleknchpchhhhh. But this is hard to say, so I will call it “Rockabee”.
I loved the new rockling named Vee because of her shape. I loved how she was so desperate to become a person, and would risk everything to be one. The old ‘Gran’ and your description of how she looked, was fun.
But I never saw the sculptor coming. How ingenious.
I was hoping that this chapter would start with the Kelleys already in America. However, I know that you need to show how he disposed of the soldier's body; how he took care of Treasa and Connell, etc. There's a lot to be done before leaving Ireland. These could also be accomplished through flashbacks. I want to know if it's going to be discovered that he had murdered an Anglish soldier; and how it's going to affect their immigration to America.
This is also better written than the first chapter, but I feel that it's lacking in emotion where emotion should be.
This is a great chapter. I didn't see a single grammar, spelling or punctuation error, if any. Even if there was, I enjoyed this so much that I wouldn't have cared. I felt the attraction between Mary and William. I also love the title of this chapter two: William--the Vulcanologist. It's like one of those titles they've given legendary figures, like: William, the Conqueror, or Alexander, the Great; something like that.
I loved the story William told about the near fatal experience he had while flying over Mt. Pinatubo. I saw it in my imagination. I never knew much about volcanoes, now I feel that if I continue reading your story, I might consider my next science project in school to be about volcanoes. (Will you help me? Heh-heh.)
I will check out your port for the next chapters of this novel. I noticed that you have 19 chapters to this already posted.
This is a great beginning to your novel about the "Legacies of Mount Pinatubo." I laughed when you compared Mary's nose to that of her mother's when she was young, and how she used to clamp her nose with a clothespin thinking that that would lift it. I laughed even harder when she punched the nose of the girl who urged her to do it; how her father castigated her in front of the mother for punching the girl's nose, and then secretly they gave each other the high fives. I see right away, that Mary and her father are both alike. We will probably see a lot more of that later in the novel.
Monterey, California is a beautiful setting for the novel. Is that where you're from? I've been through there once with Mom and Dad when I was 8 years old. I remember the Big Sur on our way to Monterey, and I remember how cold it was. Brrrr!
I am intrigued by the mysterious woman on the plane. Is she going to be one of Mary's half sisters from her father's affairs? See, I'm already asking some questions. I can't wait to read more.
Even though the opening did not hook me because of the slow pace, I found it interesting enough to keep on reading. I was pleased; glad that I stuck on. I loved the plot. A husband and father who wanted to provide for his family as best he could in his own turf: Ireland, but fate changed his course and finally decided that his wife was right . . . America was the place for his family to be. After murdering an English soldier who attacked his family, they set out for the new land. I look forward to reading about his journey to America.
I loved how you developed Seamus’s character right away; however, you really did not paint his physical characteristics for us to visualize how he looked like.
Your pacing slows down when you cause your reader to pause and ponder the sentence at hand because, either they did not make sense, or just awkwardly constructed, or they run on and on, or improperly punctuated. You need to read your story word for word and aloud to see if they make sense to you.
Okay, then . . . This is a very good story and I enjoyed it very much.
That's a staggering statistics. I've heard that many women die from breast cancer, but I never knew it was this many. Reading your novel got me interested in reading articles about breast cancer. I read recently how the science of breast cancer treatment has advanced so much that the rate of death has actually gone down last year instad of go up. This is very encouraging.
Hugs and kisses,
Recently, I was talking to my grandma who had the breast cancer. She was impressed that I know so much about it. I thank you for that.
Hugs and kissesm,
RockyMountainKid
A proud member of the WDC ANGEL ARMY
I am a freshman in high school and I love History, and I consistently received A's on my assignments. I think we've covered this part of American History last year, but not extensively. I would be interested in reading more of your essay, and hopefully the subject comes up again in our History class. Then I'd be ahead of my class in the discussion.
That's good that you got an A for this essay. I can see already that it's deserving of it. I've never actually used or even seen a manual typewriter except in museums. It must be fun to type on a non-electric typewriter. I think schools should have one available in the computer rooms for students to use just for fun and for curiosity. It would also make us appreciate what we have now. We don't have to worry much about spelling.
This is my first review for the Angel Army, and I hope I can give you an insightful review. Painter Babu gave me a lot of things to ponder about art appreciation and even life. I saw the paintings from the perspective of the narrator. I am not an artist, so I can't really comment on what Painter Babu tried to convey in his paintings. All I know is that your story stirred my imagination.
Technically, I think your use of the punctuation comma before an end quote may be incorrect. I've been told that a comma or a period should always come before an end quotation mark. You might want to take a look at this.
Hi Humming Bird.
(For the Hang Out Cafe Review Forum)
This is wonderful. I chose this for my first review right away because I am still a teenager myself, and as every teenager, I also have a lot of issues and some of these issues I only "communicate" with my mirror. I like the fact that she doesn't talk back to me.
A glimpse into a teenager's changing life from the perspective of a glass mirror . . . wow, this is different, and very compelling. I loved it.
I was only confused in the opening paragraph. When you first mentioned "her" I didn't know who you were talking about. The composition is not clear, and maybe it was just me.
Jemini recommended your group to me, saying a lot of nice things about it; so here I am. I hope it's not too late.
I'm only 16 years old, but so far, those who've read my first three chapters of a novel in progress think that I write well. Hope you think so, too. I am also a good reader, and I think I can give good reviews.
This is timely for me because my writing project in school is about volcanoes; specifically, Mount Vesuvius, Mount St. Helens and Mount Pinatubo -- the most deadly lahar volcanoes in the world. Though your novel is fiction, I understand that you touch on actual events involving the eruptions of Mount Pinatubo, and that you vividly describe the disaster in great detail. I cannot wait to start reading your chapters. I don't know if I can offer any insightful review because I am only right now trying to figure out if I have any writing talent (my English teacher thinks I do), but I can surely tell you if I like something or not. Your collection of stories looks very impressive, and I can't wait to start reading.
Thank you.
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