Heya . Your formatting & short lines do a good job at relaying what it feels like to live with RSD. Likewise the flow works well. I might add some formatting things such as capital letters at the beginning of some lines and periods/commas. But I also think this poem works without being perfectly technical, so that's up to you; everyone is going to have a different oppinion on that. Perhaps you may wish to add a note to this poem giving some info on what RSD is and what the initials stand for so the readers will have a better understanding of it if they do not know. I wish you luck. G'night
Heya Nish . Luckily I *love* Stargate so that may come in handy here, although I do have more knowledge of SG Atlantis.
Formating:The first thing I noticed, and you probably have too by now, is that you lost your formatting when posting here. It definetly needs the indent tag, and *personally* I usually double space paragraphs too for added visual goodness.
Typos and Etc:Sam moved forward 'I am Cap' she stopped herself mid sentence - She moved forward(.) "I am Cap(,)" (she said, stopping) herself mid sentence. There were a few more like this example - if you would like help rephrasing, you're welcome to email me. earth - (E)arth.
Suggestions: You use 's for quotations. With all the 's going on with the names in SG (), it would be extremely helpful if you changed them to " for these quotations/dialog to make it easier to read. Also remember to use a comma before and after dialog. I see that you made a few lines bold, which I understand are the setup for what is going on, at least with the first one. It would be more effective, though, to describe the setup rather than tell the reader.
As for the story itself, no suggestions there . I love when they go to those villages. Toodles
Heya, Kiya. How interesting of you to incorporate the genres into your poem . Its certainly a topic that needs attention, for I have experienced a small amount of this. Kudos for reminding everyone what WDC is all about, most of all. I didn't see any typos/etc, but I think Fantasy, Mystery and Horror could have fitted in there somewhere . Then again I'm sure you could get them all to fit in seamlessly! G'night
This review is being done as part of "Invalid Item"
Oh my, what a lot to read! I found it very interesting, so much that I'm not sure if I should be giving you advise. I loved it, partially because my lifelong dream was to be an archeologist. Sounds like a book I'd buy . Your language was very intelegent and appeared to be well thought out.
The length of this draft was very overwhelming, however. I think you would benefit from changing it to seperate items per chapter. Though I know you'd hate to loose all those reviews! Trust me, it would be a much better move in the scheme of things. I've never seen so many reviews!
Another thing I would suggest would be to indent. It might be only me, but I prefer that so very much to double spacing. It would work with both, also. It makes the layout more attractive and easier to read. Plus, I would beef up the quotations with some more description.
Overall I thought it was fantastic! For a draft it is very good. . G'night. -Mo
Wow.. I feel exactly the same way. Its a very fluid, intellegent song. Not the ever-popular love song. I love how you say nobody's lost but everyone's won. OT, but there is a group called Women for Women International that I sponsor.. They do great work. I'm glad that so many people care enough to think of this... alot just go about their day oblivious to these problems. Your lyrics are taking a part in informing, or rather reminding, people. Good job, its a great song. G'night. -Mo
Oh wow, this is amazing. You're very talented, although it's hard to say it's wonderful when I wish you never had to write this. I'm a mother and have worried about situations like yours. The moment I clicked on it I knew what it was about. But somehow I hoped it wasn't. As I started to read my hand covered my mouth. It was hard to not cry. In fact my son did not cry at first; he was overdue and swollowed something too gross to mention. They did something like pump his stomach(I couldn't see, and it was confusing) and he was alright, thankfully. I hope everything is alright. G'night. -Mo
Wow, I was thrown off at the end. At first it reminded me of myself and my old best friend--all that distance, all those thoughts and guilt. Then I thought it would be her friend in the casket, for dramatic flair. Then...
Anyway, it's very dramatic and inspirational(to make ammends with him & others). Very nice ending. Perfect. Posting any more? I'm adding you to my favorites. Hope to read more! -Mo
Aww I absolutely love this. It's sweet, albeit in a tragedy sense. Very good; would make a nice longer story too if you ever think of expanding it. Although I suppose it's more effective to remain a short story. I hope to read more like this. G'day. -Mo
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/momorhoades
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 11:18am on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
. Your formatting & short lines do a good job at relaying what it feels like to live with RSD. Likewise the flow works well. I might add some formatting things such as capital letters at the beginning of some lines and periods/commas. But I also think this poem works without being perfectly technical, so that's up to you; everyone is going to have a different oppinion on that. Perhaps you may wish to add a note to this poem giving some info on what RSD is and what the initials stand for so the readers will have a better understanding of it if they do not know. I wish you luck. G'night 
. Then again I'm sure you could get them all to fit in seamlessly! G'night