You apparently have a vivid imagination. A good deal of thought has gone into the setting of the story. The grammar and sentence structure need work. Some words such as "extinction, verge, and practices" seem to be misused. Anyone who might read the story will have to learn a number of unusual names to understand it. You might want to consider changing some of them.
I hesitate to say review this story. Please understand that I mean my comments to be encouraging.
The story might be interesting but there are so many grammar and spelling errors that they detract from the reading. A good deal of editing is needed.
the mysterious Area 51 - making him all of 20 years old. This sentence is confusing.
assistant's? should be assistant's.
loath should be loathe
He does now." came the succinct reply. Should be a comma after now
Apparently there comma after Apparently
These are just little nitpicks. I loved your story. Your story and characters are well developed. I look forward to reading more.
The third from last sentence of the first paragraph needs work. guard house should be guardhouse, vacuum sealed should be vacuum-sealed, datapad should be data pad, seven digit should be seven-digit, (Instead however, ?)
over head should be overhead, (Next should be Next,) fathers should be father's,
close cropped should be close-cropped
The grammar and sentence structure was well done. I didn't notice any spelling errors. The central character seemed to have somewhat female characteristics. I don't know if that was intentional. A definite sense of anticipation was established but at the same time, I doubt that the buildup will prove to be realized. I do plan to read on but with reduced expectations. I don't know if any of this will be helpful but I want to encourage you.
There are lots of grammatical errors. contingency to contention, here to her, They to The, dieing to dying, they to the, steal toe to steel toe, Post it to Post-it. I don't know what this was supposed to mean. (I wasn't then in this Banfoul place with me." The descriptions of her injuries and wounds were vague and confusing.
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| (3.5)
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