The story you wrote is very emotional, touchy, sensational and agitative. It throws light on some sensitive issues of men’s behavior and attitude. It is a cruel reality of life that the people we love the most do not love us. Rather they inflict the punishment to us for our true love. On the other hand, we cannot forget such cruel people. In short, you have highlighted briefly some crucial days of a lady Alyssa who wants to start a new life but is not able to forget her past.
Your word choice is good. The story flows well. I don’t find any typos or errors.
Your haiku is very beautiful and fascinating in its theme and description. The last line shows a twist. It has two concept – one is of beauty of the house, second is the emptiness of the house for a long span of time.
The haiku shows the outer beauty and inner hollowness of the beauty. That is a proverb, “All that glitters is not gold.”
My suggestive rewrite is this:
A beautiful house!
Charming design, tempting style -
Empty for the years
Superb and appealing tale of misery and seeking help from Lord for the sound health and recovery of the ill son. Hope seemed to be clouded by the dismal and melancholic feelings. And he has to pray to the ultimate source of help, the Lord. Good work!
Beautiful and lovely haikus that exhibit the beauty of nature. I like your metaphors in “wearing colorful charms,” and in the second haiku. The poems have rhythmic flow and lovely theme. The modern form of haiku gives free hand to the poets to express their thoughts and ideas, avoiding the complex meter and rhymes. That’s a good effort!
Good work and a fascinating poem giving a theme of spiritualism. I enjoy reading it. It takes the reader to the journey in search of the self. My edits are the followings:
Lowing to self, I ask slow
O my Master! Where to go?
Said the self left in me,
“To wandering paths in woods and meads
lying ahead in the world of treads.”
Thus, answered the other power. Full Stop not needed here, as it is joined with the conjunction “and” in the next line.
and left me in a confused mark.
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Lowing to self, I ask slow