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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/moonspirit4
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93 Public Reviews Given
157 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Granson Place  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! A great horror story. Well-written, concise and true to the horror genre. No errors spotted or suggestions to make. There were many lines that I loved and could've pointed out, but to condense them, I must say, you do a great job of merging reality with horror and it renders the story quite believable. Always love your work and this didn't disappoint! =-) Happy Writing to you. =-)
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's nice to see some artwork on here; a rarity. ,loves the piece, very abstractly beautiful
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Review of I Let Him Down  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Such a sad, truthful and heartfelt piece. i Very much hope this wasn't a reality for you but if it was my heart goes out to you. War ravages so many people, bith the surving and those that die.

A very well-written, tight piece.I can't come up with any suggestions. I can;t wait to read more of your work!

Happy writing to you

Lexi
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Review of stuck inside  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi
I really enjoyed this brief, precise little poem. It expresses a great deal of your subject matter in so few words and also has an easy flowing rhythm and Rhyme. Great Job! I can only say I'd like to read more , perhaps you could expand and add a few more stanzas, but do what feels right for you. Wishing you a beauteous day and happy writing =-)
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,
Wow! I absolutely love this poem and the message within! What an awesome welcome-back-to-wdc read. ( I have been so busy lately and returned to find your notebook scribble with a review request)
I am still learning poetry types myself, so I'l refrain from guessing what type this is classified as. The wording was exquisitely done and I love the general flow of the poem.
Kudos to you for creating such a great piece!

Wishing you a stress-less and inspiring day


Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A very-well wriiten review. I really love how you describe and point out the underlying themes about humanity, the government, criminals etc. You are so right, Alex does embody our cultures true concerns on criminals. I've watched the movie, never read the book, but you have really intruiged me with your review, so I will be reading it too, next time I spot a copy in a used bookstore!

Write on!
Lexi Rose
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Review of A Journey  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
very sweet, image-laden, little poem. I like that in only five lines you get across a mind picture and the meaning of the poem, Great Job! Some might ask you to elaborate, make it longer, but that is a personal decision... It can stand alone or you could add more, it's all in where your personal artistic notion takes you *Bigsmile*
A wonderful morning read
Write on,
Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Intruiging, keep on working on it. Seems like it'll be a great novel. I like how you record the scenes as they come; So smart, for even if it doesn't become a novel, you'll probably use it or make another piece out of it.. Can't wait to read more!

Write On, Create On,
Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,
I must admit, this piece is very deep and thought-provoking prose; I like it, very interesting... May I ask, for learning sake, who is Andrew J. Wester ?

I am new to prose myself, so am not sure on the logistics or rules of it. I really enjoyed the topic and the way it was wriiten.

My favorite lines included the one where you begin by refferring to Carl Rogers, "they want to believe..... worth saving", and "I'm tired of... exploding over our heads".
Great imagery and wording, no Grammar or spelling errors.

Great piece! I only wish I was more knowledgable in Prose to, in turn, have been of more help to you...

Write on, Create on,
Lexi Rose
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Review of Alone - Published  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just love this story! I couldn't stop reading, and the detailing was exquisitely crafted. I was highly impressed with the inventive details and the subject matter. I believe this story is very important in that, it could emotionally impact an alchoholic reader for the better ;I wish my stepfather had read a story like this, as it so expresses what we tried to communicate to him in life. I like that the reader has an inkling but the story isn't given away until the end... Such an awesome read, glad I stopped to enjoy it.

Write On, Create On,
Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Glad someone did this so newbies to the web, like myself, can understand how to get our formatting right on writing.com
. Wondefully illustrated and informative piece, off to read another of your works *Bigsmile*
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked this piece and agreed with all of what you said. I learned a few things from your part on passive verbs. No-No number three had me giggling; I've had to change many of my own sentences that I find are grotesquely long and cry out for editing. I also added "The Owl" to my favorites tab; seems like a great resource. Such a great, informative piece and I longed for more so I gave the 4.5 rating.
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Review of the rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, this has some deep imagery, especially in the middle two paragraphs... Loved it.. the second paragraph was superb!

I like the story premise, how the rain holds bad memories for her and you illustrated the toughness and daily struggle of her life.

My suggestion is to explore this character more, I felt she had a lot more story to tell me. This seemed like a great beginning to a novel and personally I wouls love to read a novel written from ypur characters perspective!

Other than that I'd only suggest a rewording in the line about her hair; It may flow a bit better like this... Her hair, which she'd struggled tirelessly to perfect, was by now a sopping mess... Only my opinion, change as you wish ...

I truly enjoyed this character and hope to see more of her someday; Hope my suggestions were helpful *Bigsmile*

Hope your day is beatious and stress-less, Keep On Writing!

Lexi Rose
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Review of Candle For Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Hope this day finds you well *Smile*

I love the imagery I got from the title, a good choice, i like it and it ties in with other images from the poem.

The theme is simply awesome! I absolutley love the truth in your piece; that there are young adults looking for more than just sex. This theme alone, has me shouting for joy inside for the fact that someone has expressed this; really love where this piece is going.

You are right on the length, I would love to have read more and thats the suggestion I'll make here, to expand on it.

So glad you've shared this peice in your port, an awesome read with an important bold theme and some great imagery like the candle and smoke .

Keep on writing, you're doing great!

Lexi Rose
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Review of Starspear  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Loved the intense, vivid imagery and depth of this piece, especially the suprise ending thats its purpose was to be a wishing star! Great job!

I spotted no technical errors, inconsistencies or spelling/grammar mistakes.

The title is appropriate and catchy and supports the theme of the poem.

Great job on word choices, imagery , form and style, I am quite impressed and would offer suggestions, but cannot see anything I can suggest that will benefit the piece...

A very enjoyable read, keep up the awesome writing!

Lexi Rose
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Review of Motoyi  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title: was perfect for the story; I loved how you brought in the Blackffot Indian culture... Great Job!
Plot: The plot was basically smooth and moved forward at a good pace.
Style & voice: Loved it; You have as unique voice that shines through in your writing.
Referencing: all elements fit with the plot and enhanced the setting.
Setting & scene: no inconsistencies , everything fits.
Characters: you have very clear , defined and individual characters, Awesome Job!
Grammar& spelling: I only saw some minor typos as follows...."`Ms. Youngwoman and, we recognize" ( omit the "and".),“Why? Tone is my best friend we do everything together.” (tone should be Toni)
I had a wording suggestion as well...."Why Motoyi hadn’t even asked why her" maybe try something like this " Why, Motoyi hadn't even inquired on why her..."
Also, just my opinion, but the charcter "John" doesn't require a description, but do what you feel is best *Bigsmile*
I really enjoyed this story; loved the line where the child says in bible class they said everyone deserves to be forgiven. With a few minor tweaks, this piece will reallly shine
Hope your weekend is inspired and stress-less,
Lexi Rose
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Review of Beauty Queen  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh! What a great poem! The imagery and figurative language are clearm relevant and beautifully done; I love the glass and how it turns to sand at the end.
I'm no expert on structure and form, but I liked what I saw and read, it flows well and form /structure were consistent throughout the piece. Your ryme, rhythm and word choice mingle well together, as if meant to be. Truly, you penned this piece so beautifully, I just loved it {e;bigsmile}
I think the theme and meaning is about God and his ways of taking what we can't handle, watching over us; It seems the beauty felt lost and the Lord swept in to comfort her... Correct me if I'm wrong *Smile*

Again, I really enjoyed the poem! Simply cannot find a thing to tweak.
Wishing you a wonderful day,
Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
First I want to say I absolutely love this article, it's theme and the way it was written! You have really done a great job here and it's obvious that you have a passion for this subject matter *Flowerb*

Your wording, structure and flow here are awesome! This may become one of my favorite spiritual reads. I love and cherish that Buddha quote too; great pick for this article.

Only suggestions I can make on this one are as follows and are very minor typo errors, not a big deal at all *Bigsmile* :
I would omit "the" before future in the first sentence and add "simply" before exists... play as you might though, you may find a wording you like better.
In sentence starting off " who don't..." I'd change dont to doesn't.

Only other suggestions are to add quotation marks around the words the soldier recalls and on Buddha's quote.

Overall opinion: I love the piece! So spiritual and thought-provoking. The last sentence is inspiring, truthful and a great message. I'm glad I stoped by your port, was such a wonderful a.m. read *Gold*

Happy Writing to you,

Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Title : A great pick; fits your theme very well

Intro: I love the base emotion and ideas expressed in the intro or first paragraph. You are so right, our memories are encased, frozen in photos... The only suggestions I make for this part are simple typographical errors, which we all have at times *Smile*

The first sentence: may flow off the tongue a bit smoother if you add in " have " in between the I and always ; maybe even add "at" between wondered and seeing..

"Freezed in" , should be "frozen on" .. again, no big deal, just a change in the form of the word.

the last sentence: I see where you are going with this one, but don't quite think it's worded correctly... I suggest you try maybe something like following : For most of us, memories are very precious, giving us a push to live our lives to the fullest, to be the cream on the scone... Change it as you wish, just my suggestion.

Middle paragraph: a suggestion for the layout of the first line ( which I love the ideas contained within it) : "Memories can boost our moods. bringing happiness, even when coming from a disgusted state of mind" something along these lines may be a bit smoother, but again change as you feel fit .

I would also like to see you marry the following sentences into one, only because you start them off with "and" and "but", which I have been taught not to do...
the sentences are " and they think of their future..." and " but their present which..." . My suggestion is to omit "and" and marry the sentences.

Conclusion/last paragraph: You have a very strong conclusion here and I love how you explain why you love the photograph, better than video..
In you sentence that starts "you may be thinking" I'd clean it up just a bit " ex " you may be thinking, "why am I not saying anything here on aspects of it used in a defective way?". again, just my opinion.


My overall opinion: This piece has a beautiful sentiment and subject matter. Your writer's voice has a knack for conveying emotional life as well as the physical, very cool! I hope you don't mind my thorough review, I only critique in the spirit of helping one another to grow and blossom into the best writers we can be. So glad to have you here at Wdc... Keep on writing, you are doing an awesome job!

Enjoy your day,
Lexi Rose
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Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really a fun contest; great practice for supernatural and mythical writers!
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Review of ANOTHER TOMORROW  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Title: Another Tomorrow... very eye-catching and perfect for the subject matter! Great choice =-)

Style & Voice: The free-verse style was carried off very well, here and the strength and compassion in your soul shines through in your writer's voice.

Word choice: I was quite pleased by your word choice. One of my favorite lines was "I put the stretcher down and prayed, Father please help me carry the weight."
There were many lines I relished though =-)
* One minor suggestion* I'm not sure, but I think "was " should be "were" in " All I had was the clothes...." I could be wrong, but I'd check just in case =-)

Rhyme & rhythm: I don't believe this was meant to be a blatantly rhyming poem, It has a prose-feel to me. The words flow well off the tongue when read aloud and some poetry is simply not meant to rhyme and that is perfectly O.K. Your rhythm keeps a nice even pace; none of your wording seemed forced. Way to go!

Imagery: I could see the womens struggles in my mind, as if it were a movie replaying in my mind, so I would have to say you did a wonderful job onn creating the imagery =-)

Theme & meaning: Theme and meaning of the poem is about seeing people in need and being a good samaritan and acting; Faith is also a major theme and you illustrated those main ideas perfectly.

My personal opinion: I am very excited about this poem; I love writing that gets across such a beautiful, spiritual and moral message, while also pulling the reader into deep human emotions and/or experiences! An awesome first read and review of the day ! =-)

Keep up the great writing!

Lexi Rose
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Review of Say What You Mean  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am loving your port! Another excellent and wise piece, and yet again, I found I related to it in some way. Your voice is a great vessel for carrying forth human trials that can be very universal, yet aren't always so candidly written or spoken about.

I loved when you used the line from Lewis carroll's Alice in Wonderland; great placement, was pleasing to the eye and related to the piece perfectly.

The honesty and sharing that marks this piece, is food for the soul... I find some of the best articles are the ones that have personal experience and truth, like this. People love to feel that kinship and human bond felt through reading a piece, where they feel that the writer understands something they face... and those who know not these experiences, learn about them in a more empathetic, personalized manner.

The only suggestions i'd give is to possibly think of a new way to pen " say what I meant, meant what I said", only because I see that phrase is used a few times in here... Perhaps in the second to last paragraph, rephrase that part, just to change it up... Its entirely up to you though, just my opinion =-)

The overall wording, grammar and spelling was beautifully done!, no typos at all.

Great piece! Keep on writing; can't wait to visit your port again!

Enjoy your evening,

Lexi Rose
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Review of Labeled Lives  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! I think this is an excellernt essay or article... Such a brave admission and your sharing this can only do positive things for the world and I'm sure many readers will relate. I agree with you too, on how we can all be judgemental about things we don't know..

I can tell you honestly , I never understood people who couldn't get a job within 6 mos and now I've been out of work a year+.... I think everyone faces this judgement scenario at least once in life; where you find yourself in a postion that you have judged.

Your spelling and grammar were perfect, your wording really seemed to flow well... The piece itself, I honestly really love and was so pleased to read it... I must say "judging" plagues my mind, I don't want to judge people or situation, but as a human I know that I have and maybe do on occassion ; a constant struggle for all in life, I suppose. The title is fine, but my personal opinion is that I think you should have the word Judging or labels in the title... This peice illustrates well, it's theme and meaning; about judging and labeling before you learn about something.
great job! =-)
I only wish I could've given you more suggestions on this piece, but I was simply courted by it =-)
What an awesome piece, glad to have read it!

Keep On writing,

Lexi Rose
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Review of Prose vs Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A much needed and clear lesson on the difference of poetry/prose.... Thank you =-)
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Review of The Last Laugh  Open in new Window.
Review by Lexi Rose Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very Impressive poem and a catching title too !

I particularly enjoyed the way you told a biblical story in a unique way, choosing to use a new p.o.v.

The imagery was very clear, engaging and gave great mind pictures of what you're aiming to convey.

The structure and form seems to fit and enhance the poetry and the overall word choice was near perfect, giving great flow to the poem

Rhyme and rhythm seems consistent, not forced and again, the overall flow is great =-)

The Theme and meaning comes across clearly and you illustrated well a biblical story that maybe others who aren't as familiar with, will gain an understanding of. Awesome !

Favorite lines : "Lucifer the fallen said I will have their souls once they are dead" and "for your day shall come; and you'll know when it is, for I'll be blowing my horn"

Overall opinion: This poem is a wonderful and uniquely written retelling of a Biblical classic; I love the powerful images that came to mind and the overall sound of the poem as I read it aloud. In the spirit of the brotherhood of writers and helping one another to grow, I make one humble suggestion.... I think that you may be able to get a better ring to the following stanza, if you read it aloud and tweak it a little. " where not a one can be saved by an angel in heaven, laugh while you can, king of darkness" Its still a great base stanza, I just felt that this was the only part in the piece that lost a bit of the flow.... I hope my suggestion are helpful.... and that your day is beautifully stress-less.... Welcome to writing.com and into our writing family... Great to have you =-)
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