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300 Total Reviews Given
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1
1
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello, Jo! Please accept this review as a gift for entering my contest: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.! I hope that you will return again next month. *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Excellent use of the refrain "Over there, over there," very effective. A strongly-worded poem!

Favorite line: "With strength to end the night" - lovely phrasing.

Suggestions: The final stanza reads a bit awkwardly for me. I might suggest revisiting it.

Thank you!

All best,
Morgan

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2
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello, G.K. Grierson! Please accept this review as a gift for entering my contest: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.! I hope that you will return again next month. *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Such a unique storyline, with some great imagery - especially the part about looking under her bed.

Favorite line:
"One day Ash found herself determined to discover the mysteries of this illusive "imagination" that had gifted all the other children but had failed to introduce itself to her." - Love this!

Suggestions: Nothing really, except perhaps to expand it!

Grammar:
she was different, you see unlike = she was different. You see, unlike

castles and bravery; Ash's = castles, and bravery, Ash's

"imagination". = "imagination."

laugh again and depending on the person = laugh again, and, depending on the person

bed and, with the wilful insistence = bed, and, with the willful insistence

No-one knows for you see = No one knows, for you see

For it's discovery = Its discovery

Good work!

All best,
Morgan

3
3
Review of Tunnel  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, tadpole! Just dropping in for to review "TunnelOpen in new Window. as a judge for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: An interesting character with a serious psychological problem. The details are well-chosen, although some are difficult to follow.

Favorite line:
"Although, sometimes, I still wake up at night, sweating after a nightmare where he is standing over my bed with his face, marked by its horrible sneer, approaching mine." - ooh, creepy.

Suggestions:
I might reconsider the paragraph breaks at the beginning. They seem unnecessary.

I have a hard time following when things are taking place. I didn't know if this was the way her life was or had been. It was very difficult to tease it all out.

"Because he was out of work" - unsure to whom this is referring.

Grammar:
Well, I wasn’t really by myself, I did have two roommates, but = Well, I wasn’t really by myself - I did have two roommates - but (only a suggestion)

Good luck!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Dicing with Death  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Nightguard! Just dropping in to review "Dicing with DeathOpen in new Window. as a judge of "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window..

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: An interesting story about the idea of actually (quite literally) cheating death.

Strengths: I like the description of Death - very creepy and supernatural.

Favorite line:
"I was back in my penthouse suite sitting in a leather-bound armchair, a glass of malt whiskey in my hand." - nice sentence.

Suggestions:
Might reconsider the repetition of "floor" in the first few lines.

"Gambling had been my life's work" - maybe expand/explain?

"It wasn't a dream after all. I thought." - put the thoughts in italics to emphasize?

Grammar:
a flight of steps and I found myself = a flight of steps, and I found myself

high pitched = high-pitched

with Death. = with Death?

nodded an approval = nodded approval

blankly, and if you lose = blankly, "and if you lose

each die each rolled = each die rolled

All best,
Morgan

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5
5
Review of Rest & Relaxation  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Rachel! Just dropping in for a review of "Rest & RelaxationOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: I like how easy and laidback this is, especially in the word choices (i.e. "paradise," "soothe," "stress we did relieve"). It's just a pleasant read!

Favorite line:
"sand is silky smooth" - nice description.

Suggestions:
Is the last line of the first stanza one syllable too long?

Nice!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Dreamland  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Venton! Just working my way through some of the items posted in the FB experiment!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Impressive use of the double acrostic - NOT easy!

Strengths: Excellent use of language, great manipulation of words to fit the form without seeming forced.

Favorite line:
"Anticipating the day when I finally hear my calL" - love this. It captures a sense of the future, something not done yet.

Suggestions:
Perhaps reconsider "ambrosiA" - it was the one word I stumbled over.

Grammar:
Perhaps "there WAS somewhere to gO"?

Great work - I'm very sorry you didn't win the contest.

All best,
Morgan

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Review of The Frozen Land  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Bradley! Working on reviews from the FB experiment, so offering my thoughts of "The Frozen LandOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: An intriguing story that kept me reading, wondering what was going on.

Strengths: Some really excellent description of the setting and the landscape - makes it easy to envision the frozen world. I also like the way pieces of information are given out a little bit along - the olive-green shirt, the gun, the reference to time period. Appealing characters - I like the grim humor. It also definitely left me wanting more!

Favorite line:
"During these past few weeks, they had become more than simply companions. More than simply friends. He did not know if it was the situation – any port in a storm – or more than that." - very nice discussion.

Suggestions:
"Well, he thought, it was no longer night..." - perhaps put thoughts in italics to emphasize them?

I might suggest rethinking some of the paragraph breaks. Quite often, the paragraphs seem too short and abrupt as well as broken mid-thought or action.

"It will be warmer there." - this is repeated twice in the same dialogue.

Grammar:
warmth of the bearskins, and glanced toward = warmth of the bearskins and glanced toward

from the bearskins, and pulled on a pair = from the bearskins and pulled on a pair

He blew on them lightly, and embers came to life, and soon a lick of flame was reaching toward the new sticks. = He blew on them lightly and embers came to life. Soon a lick of flame was reaching toward the new sticks.

shoulder patches, down over his head = shoulder patches down over his head

against the cave walls, and the uneven stone = against the cave walls and the uneven stone

He turned, and headed = He turned and headed

under the bearskin, and wrapped her arms = under the bearskin and wrapped her arms

I’m was never much of a student of literature = I was never much of a student of literature


All best,
Morgan

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Review of THE ROAD  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello, Christine! Please accept this review as a gift for entering my contest: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.! I hope that you will return again next month. *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: On the surface, a simple story-poem about two children, but it has much more going on.

Strengths: On the whole, the flow of the poem is quite well done, particularly in the repetitions and the rhyming. It has the feel of something like "Jack and Jill,": which works nicely.

Favorite line: The first stanza is great!

Suggestions:
"The children’s parents said./And the lass had hurt her head." - I stumbled over this. It didn't seem to flow as well. These lines too: "They looked silly,/
Thought Billy and Milly."

Grammar:
If you don’t have a load.” = If you don’t have a load,”

And the parents were given a bill = And the parents were given a bill. (Perhaps "the bill"?)

Thank you!

All best,
Morgan

9
9
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hello, Moriarty! Please accept this review as a gift for entering my contest: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.! I hope that you will return again next month. *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: I completely enjoyed this story! There was a wonderful base story, including a message about how to treat others, but there was also depth in the characters and their relationships/interactions.

Strengths: The emotions of the characters was well done - just enough without going overboard. I like Roland - he's an intriguing character, especially in his interaction with the king.

Favorite line:
"The fetters restraining Roland clanked rudely, as he was led into the courtroom. The King observed his swarthy features and proud demeanor. His face bore no signs of guile, and he regretted Damanti's poor judgment. His astute observation did not miss the tender gaze that Roland cast upon the Princess, who appeared ugly and plain as her intractable malaise had robbed her beauty." - wonderful description.

Suggestions:
Occasionally, it is a little difficult to know who is speaking. Perhaps a few more tags (i.e. "the king said," etc.)?

I might like to see/know more about the Princess.

Grammar:
his throat.”What = his throat. "What

I'm afraid, Your Highness = I'm afraid Your Highness

clanked rudely, as he was led = clanked rudely as he was led

“Where is my horse and the rations!” = “Where are my horse and the rations?"

Wonderful!

All best,
Morgan

10
10
Review of Fast is Fast  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello, Jay! Please accept this review as a gift for entering my contest: "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.! I hope that you will return again next month. *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A clever, imaginative story! I like the different elements of Joaquin being a fast runner and then Witena and her garden. It's nicely put together so that everything is taken care of by the end of the story, and there's a good message about greed and consequences. I think it would be appealing to a young audience.

Strengths: The little details! I love the word "elfinos" - a nice addition. Joaquin is a very likeable character, and I want to root for him! His parents' love is subtle and heartwarming.

Favorite line:
"They never saw how fast Joaquin could run or how much he did to provide their medicine for them. His parents only knew that Joaquin worked for King Jotto, and they were proud of him." - so sweet.

Suggestions:
"He poured the potion out and then poured the elfinos into a sack" - perhaps "placed the elfinos into a sack"?

"potion of never ending running" - reads a bit awkwardly.

What does the King think when Joaquin stops working for him?

At the begining, it is stated the King doesn't like Joaquin. Why?

Witena is described as not being an elf, but then she says she was a "different elf."

Grammar:
"eighty eight" = "eighty-eight" (perhaps a bit too much repetition of the number)

"who he could work for" = "for whom he could work"

A lovely story!

All best,
Morgan

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11
Review of The World Goes On  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Kelticmyst! Just dropping in for a review of "The World Goes OnOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A sad story, yet ending on a note of a hope for a grieving woman.

Strengths: A very nice job with the description of Kelly's grief even in such a few words. It especially gets more poignant as the story goes on.

Favorite line:
"Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe he was still hers." - nice choice.

Suggestions: Perhaps emphasize her grief even more? What is she feeling, thinking as John is talking?

Grammar:
"Kelly it’s John" = "Kelly, it’s John"

"Can’t this wait John" = "Can’t this wait, John"

as he replied “No Kelly. = as he replied, “No, Kelly.

"Alright" = "All right"

Keep writing!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Lesson of the Day  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kit! Just dropping in for a review of "Lesson of the DayOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: I love the premise! An excellent way to put a voice into a poem. Whether or not this was a real experience, it feels like one. It must have been very difficult to put this into poetic form. Nice work!

Favorite line: "Figurative language can be a mess" - so true!

Suggestions: General suggestion - be sure to "rate" your pieces. Perhaps "E" or "ASR" for this one?

Well done!

All best,
Morgan

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13
13
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, neena! Just dropping in for a review of "poem for special parentsOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A very powerful, emotional poem with a subject that obviously means a great deal to you. It has an irregular flow, but it seems to work well the wording and the images in each stanza.

Favorite line:
"you feel strong enough to fight/willing to forget last day's plight" - excellent!

Suggestions:
I might suggest regularizing the capitalization a little more - it seems almost too random at the moment. Either take them all out or add them in!

I stumbled a bit at this line: "How far will we go who knows"

Keep writing!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of The Song  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kinsey! Just dropping in for a review of "The SongOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Really well done! I love the word and image choices - especially in the second stanza. The repetition of "song" and "sing" as well as the alliteration of "s" is very effective.

Favorite line:
"kiss my lips lightly/and let me taste the song you sing" - I like the mix of senses here.

Suggestions:
Take out the capital letter at the beginning of the fourth stanza to match the others.

Grammar:
Perhaps add in the apostrophe in "thats" in the last line of the second stanza.

Nice work!

All best,
Morgan

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15
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Sticktalker! Just dropping in for a review of "The Pleasurez of NatecherOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Such fun!

Strengths: Wow - there is no way I could do this! I'm not sure that I could ever intentionally misspell so much! *Blush* Really well done. I know it can't be easy to make this work.

Favorite line: I love the first stanza! It's great how you work in a word like "lauditory" in this. I also liked "when hail pelts cars outside," which focuses in an image of the power of nature.

Suggestions: The last line didn't seem to flow as well as the rest. I think it was the "about nature" at the end.

Grammar: Um, I'm not even going to try! *Wink*

Great work!!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello again!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Such a fun, unique take on the prompt!

Strengths: I like how it follows the fairy tale formula but twists things, especially with the car and the idea of the leprechaun (great way to use that at the end with him finding money in the forests). Also, I think the king's sadness for his daughter is well done.

Favorite line:
"He had not married himself out of fear that a stepmother would trouble his beloved adopted daughter." - an interesting twist on the idea of the wicked stepmother.

Suggestions:
"I wish you would never have found me" - I was unsure what this meant.

"a great din was heard from inside the palace" - I suggest "a great din came from inside the palace"

"Your highness, you've to also plan your successor" - perhaps "Your highness, you need to pick your successor"?

Grammar:
"she said making a brave effort" = "she said, making a brave effort"

Papa.” She whispered = Papa,” she whispered

"Instead, caressed her dark hairs" = "Instead, he caressed her dark hair"

"Greetings Your Highness" = "Greetings, Your Highness"

Minister continued. “Our kingdom = Minister continued, “Our kingdom

"which were all spend by the royal family" = "which were all spent by the royal family"

Fun!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*waves at Moriarty*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A well-set and well-written story about a mother/son relationship.

Strengths: The characters are very clear and easy to imagine. Their traits are well-crafted, helping us to understand the differences in their relationship: mother/son, employer/employee. It is easy to be sympathetic to both of them and to feel proud of Arun for maturing. I like how you were able to create a company, story, and characters in such a short amount of space.

Favorite line:
"She turned, delighted to hear that word." - I thought this was excellent, turning her into a mother and away from the businesswoman here at the end.

Suggestions:
"on a page" - perhaps "on the paper" might be a little less awkward?

The first paragraph reads a bit choppily for me - I think because of the series of short sentences.

I had a little trouble following the "R's" conversation.

"Her pointed questioning was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable." - this is a change of POV. I'm not sure it's a big deal, but I thought I should point it out.

"only moved southwards" - awkward phrasing.

Grammar:
"bracing himself" = "bracing herself"

"she disapproved his cavalier" = "she disapproved of his cavalier"

to know?” He questioned = to know?” he questioned

"he replied calculating quickly" = "he replied, calculating quickly"

"through you veins" = "through your veins"

"announced Arun facing his mother" = "announced Arun, facing his mother"

"7 am." = "7 am?"

"You carry on Mrs. Sharma" = "You carry on, Mrs. Sharma"

Really great use of the prompt in creating this story!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Blessings  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Moriarty! Just thought I would drop in for a review of "BlessingsOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: What a wonderful tribute to the new addition to your family. *Smile*

Strengths: Your love for your baby is so apparent in every word and line - exactly what poetry is supposed to be like.

Favorite line:
"Her every antic we so much adore" - AWWWW!!

Suggestions:
Please remember I'm far from an expert *Smile*, but I believe the Rispetto form should have eight syllables per line and it seems that most of these are over that.

The last line - "All of a sudden life is so very pleasant." - reads a bit awkwardly for me.

Grammar: None that I saw!

So beautiful.

All best,
Morgan

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19
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Review of Gemstone Boutique  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*waves at Moriarty* *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: I think think was beautifully done. You obviously did a great deal of research, and it shows in every clue. It's extremely thorough.

Strengths: First, I loved the title. I thought it was both clever and unique. Second, as I mentioned, you went deep into detail on each person, forcing us to do the same. Nice! It was difficult, but I think that's great! (In other words, please don't let the anonymous rater worry you.) I also like the emphasis on members' children.

Favorite line: I did have favorite lines!
"I hope they all have fulltime careers in the corporate world; they certainly have the attributes of making outstanding and successful managers." - It made me laugh, and I agree!

"I love this clue. This member cleaned horse manure. Can there be any better example of dignity of labor?" - Again, I laughed!

"She is my friend, philosopher and guide." - I'm honored.

Suggestions: Perhaps use more than one color in the introduction?

Grammar:

"Phew !" = "Phew!"

"envisaged" = "envisioned"?

"( and for good reason.)" = "(and for good reason)."

Great work! And good luck in the challenge.

All best,
Morgan

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Moriarty! I really like the subject of this poll as well as the detailed options. Each one is just enough different to make the reader (me!) think about what to do in that situation. That's what I especially like - you have to think to answer, and it might actually change your approach to reviewing. I also love the introduction - well thought out and thoughtful just like the poll. The colors and ML (and well-placed frowning face!)definitely make everything stand out!

Only one suggestion: perhaps a little more explanation of "read a bad piece"?

Great work!!!!
Morgan
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Review of Morgan  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have already said it, but thank you for such a lovely introduction! I don't think I deserve even half of it *Blush*, but I very much appreciate it!! *Smile*

My very best,
Morgan
22
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Review of Damaged sight  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, jimminy! Just dropping in for a review of "Damaged sightOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A mysterious story!

Strengths: I like how strong the connection is between Bill and his father, how compelled he is to do what his father wanted, even though in the end it changes things for him forever. The first paragraph really gets this across well. Also, the dark, mysterious atmosphere is maintained skillfully throughout.

Favorite line:
"Bill wasn’t one to do things by half; no, he was one to do things with all his heart, or at least, his very best effort." - Great way to reveal parts of Bill's character.

"Just when he thought it was done and he could put this whole thing behind him, sight came to him, though blurred from the tears in his eyes." - I just liked how descriptive this was.

Suggestions:
"It took a lot of patience and lots of letter writing with bits and pieces to be deciphered, but not the whole spell-that was his and his alone" - this sentence was hard for me to follow. I didn't quite understand where it ws going!

"Cleansing his house was one of the first things to be done." - Why?

I thought perhaps the ending could be a little easier to follow, although that could be intentional ambiguity!

Grammar: Nothing jumped out at me!

All best,
Morgan

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23
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, ozhan! In response to your request on my Guest Book, I have offered some suggestions for grammar on your piece "A Writer's ResolveOpen in new Window.! I hope this helps! Another alternative to changing all the verbs to the present tense is to change the beginning to the past tense to match the rest of the story.

In addition, I enjoyed this tale! I think Asif is an intriguing character who is himself intrigued by the strange, beautiful music. The ending, with the girl being deaf and dumb, is such a poignant moment.

All best,
Morgan

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

In midst of a Mumbai slum sits a massive, dark and unsightly structure colored only by the linen, hung to dry, from its balconies. It is a colossal bee hive, a mountain of people piled on top of each other, parted and confined by flimsy walls, designed in the most complex way to accommodate as many people as possible, (comma instead of semi-colon because what comes after is not a complete sentence) where one person’s bedroom window opens to the sight of another's bathroom, or any other combination you may dare imagine.

Asif Ali, the retired editor from a small local publication, lives in one of those cubicles, where it smells of ancient woodwork and old books. Asif fills all of his time with writing. It had been his retirement resolution, to chronicle everything in life, everything he encountered, and he believed that to be the true work of a writer. Through the days (this seems a bit awkward) Asif strives to write it all, to an extent that when he wished to remind himself of how an experience felt he could read his own account of it and be reminded.

But lately something new had caught (perhaps “catches”) his attention more than writing, and that is an echo or a muffled sound of the most soothing song he had heard. It is clearly the voice of a child that, somehow, finds its way through the cluster of bricks, cement and steel all the way up to Asif’s bathroom, and he intends to find the source and write down the words to that song.

Asif would hear the music at various hours of morning and run out of the house and into the dark corridors to find the source, but he failed every time. Due to the tricky nature of the structure, it was almost impossible to follow sound by its trail, and asking around didn’t help either. Frustrated, Asif armed with paper and pen began to decipher this puzzle and find the source to the sound. He jotted, calculated and drew every opening, every door, window, and every corridor on his side of the building until he had a plan very similar to the blueprint of the building itself. Asif then began, bottom to top, to knock on doors or even place his ears on the walls where the occasion called for it.

A week and six floors later Asif still has no clue as to the source of the music. Until one day when he returns to his apartment, after a day of having doors shut on him, he hears the sound again, this time closer and clearer than ever. Asif follows it like a dog following a scent, and his trail ends in front of the door to the apartment adjacent to his.

The door, unlike usual, is wide open and Asif peeps in to see if anybody is home. Suddenly a woman walks out of the bathroom followed by a little girl draped in a towel. The girl immediately notices Asif and pauses to stare at him. This gets her mother’s attention who in turn begins to scream in a frenzy.

“Get away from my house,” she says, as she comes charging towards him. Before he can say anything Asif is pushed away and the door is bolted on the inside.

“This is a misunderstanding, Behen Ji, I assure you. I had no intention of intruding.”

“You step away from my door, I warn you. My husband is going to be home soon. He will kill you if he finds out… “

“No, no, Behen Ji, there is no need for all that. I am your neighbor, you see, I am a writer. Lately I have heard singing from your house. I thought it was beautiful and followed it to your doorsteps.”

Asif listens intently to hear a reply from her, but the house is absolutely silent, so he decides to move away before he gets into any trouble. As he steps away the door opens and the woman pops her head out, now covered with a cloth over her hair. She stands there in silence.

“The voice...it’s your daughter's, isn’t it?”

She nods.

“It is beautiful. Is there any way I could learn the words to that song?

The woman frowns.

“Is this a joke?” She steps beyond the doorway, her hands on her hips.

“Oh, no, not at all, why do you ask?”

“Shirin is Deaf and Dumb. There are no words to her song.”

Asif still sits in his little place every day and writes, but he devotes a part of his mornings, away from the typewriter, to listen to Shirin’s voice.


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In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sticktalker! Just offering a review of "Why the Cottontail Has A Short TailOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A wonderfully-imagined explanation myth!

Strengths: The feel of the myth is well-maintained all the way through - things are explained just as those stories always do, explaining the world and history. I love all the little details!

Favorite line:
"The Wan-ee lands were not rich with the salmon that swam in the great river that ran through the willow and oak-covered fertile lands of the valley floor, nor did they have any elk to eat for the grasses in their mountains were thin and the elk bypassed them to eat the succulent grasses of other bands’ territory." - I thought this was really well-written.

Suggestions: Not much at all!

"I want you to go shoot" - perhaps "I want you to go hunting"?

Grammar: Just noticed a few grammar things...

"at the top of the heavens and Waphoo had not even seen" - comma after "heavens."

"very hungry so when" - comma after "hungry."

“Hi there brother rabbit,” Waphoo said unsurprised for in those days = “Hi there, brother rabbit,” Waphoo said, unsurprised, for in those days

"coyote" = "Coyote"? Perhaps also "Rabbit"?

"scrawny rabbit, you will need" = "scrawny rabbit. You will need"

sorrowfully, “none = sorrowfully. “None

Very nicely done! Great work! You obviously have the story-telling gift.

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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Review of Ageless Memories  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Oldwarrior! Just offering a review of "Ageless MemoriesOpen in new Window.!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Such a well-crafted, thoughtful story.

Strengths: Absolutely beautiful, descriptive phrases. I can see this narrator thinking quietly about his life, how it is reflected in nature.

Favorite line:
"When the warming winds blow across the gentle swaying grass and the many tribes of geese head north towards the grandmother land, it is the time of year that old grandmothers and new young mothers take the camp apart for cleaning." - I LOVE THIS OPENING LINE. What a way to begin!

"My favorite spot is along a gentle flowing brook, close enough to the village for safety, but far enough away to give my wandering soul a little peace and freedom." - Beautiful.

"I watch as dying leaves are blown from the sandy shore and scattered across the surface of the stream. They are like the days of my life, used up, dying, but full of great and wonderful deeds." - Oh, so completely fantastic.

"Their dreams I cannot share." - Such a great image.

"It has taken many years to build but only moments to tell." - Lovely.

Suggestions: None whatsoever - I love it!

Grammar: Just a couple of minor grammar issues...
"Lodges are cleared bedding" = "Lodges are cleared OF bedding"?

"Run free my sons and feel the wind." = "Run free, my sons, and feel the wind."

"Run free my daughters and feel the sun." = "Run free, my daughters, and feel the sun."

Thank you for allowing me to read your wonderful words.

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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