An interesting viewpoint of Lucifer, and one I haven't considered before.
The conflict between Lucifer and Michael is very strong and powerful, as it should be. I'm not sure if Michael should be so demanding, or take on the responsiblity of Lucifer's destruction before the Apocalypse happens. Michael is also presented, thus far, as more 2-dimensional than Lucifer; as if by weakening Michael's character, Lucifer appears stronger (or justified in his actions?). However, Lucifer would know exactly how to bring out the worst in Michael's character, therefore casting the Archangel as the 'bad guy'. If this is the author's intention, then it is very adriot writing indeed
Some comments on grammar and such:
There's a lot of passive voice throughout; more active verbs would make the scene more alive.
************
But when the soul was moved away, it felt as if demons pulled the flesh from his bones.
************
[['pulled' seems much too tame for this scene. I think 'torn' or 'ripped' would give a much more vivid mental image]]
eyes of the insects looked waiting to see if a soul would be put into the body.
[[ comma between 'looked' and 'waiting' ]]
“Wake up my child.”
[[comma between 'up' and 'my']]
"Shut up, serpent."
[[perhaps 'Silence, serpent!' would work better here]]
To close, I've always had a pet peeve about the planet Earth being referred to with a small 'e' -- as in 'earthly'. I feel that 'Earth' is a proper name for our planet, and 'Earthly' when referring to our planet should be capped.
This another good chapter; the tension builds and the reader is compelled to read further.
A nicely done intro, that sets up the story to come and raises enough questions to compel the reader to continue. A few comments on grammer and a question or two:
First sentence: Who watches the watchers?
[[should 'watchers' be capped?]]
Jehova -- [[I've always seen this as "Jehovah"]]
“Shall we call upon Michael?” The Watcher’s asked.
[[no ' between the r and s ]]
Michael held the soul of a child in one hand and his radiant sword in the other.
[[what happened to this soul that Michael held?]]
“Must we start this war?” Jesus said.
[[for some reason, this query doesn't work for me. it seems too... well, innocent. Jesus would know how the war started and who started it. maybe something that asks about the unforgiving nature of the war instead?]]
heh, it's the same all over. I've worked at Fruit of the Loom Corporate in both Quality Control (they don't call it that anymore, by the way... wonder why?) and Marketing... it's all the same, the big guys want more for less (usually meaning more of the workers' hours for way less pay...)
Good work; a few missing commas, but nothing to detract from the story.
I especially liked the line: ' "...But my eyes seem to miss her, see?" With that question she held her hand for someone to see the tear wet skin. ' Very well written
I wasn't sure how to answer your Poll, because the God I believe in doesn't require a follower to be 'par' or 'good enough' to by loved by Him (or the Trinity).
I also note you have the word 'forsaken'; I have always believed that we are the ones who forsake God, and not the other way around. To me, if a god foresakes his/her/their followers or believers then that title no applies to the self-proclaimed deity.
If this is a 'make-believe' fantasy-type question, then the question is moot.
If you need the info for a story plotline, then I would ask what was required to meet the standards set forth by this god (or gods). The character would then choose based on the personality already devised by the author.
lol, first time I R/R/R'd a Poll and didn't vote...
The question posed by this Poll is rather odd to me, as I'm in effect condemning someone else to spend the rest of their life in exile (or if they outlive me, then a good part of it -- or will they remain on the island by themselves for the rest of their lives?).
Therefore, I wouldn't take anyone with me; and that's why I chose 'Other'.
LOL, I wondered if anyone would be brave enough to ask this in a poll
Personally, I'm don't agree with gay 'marriages' because of the definition of 'marriage'; ie, a union of a man and a woman, man and wife.
RANDOM HOUSE DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE: The Unabridged Edition 1973
'Marriage: 1) The social institution under which a man ad woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal committments, religious ceremonies, etc.'
I don't like the meanings of words being changed simply to 'satisfy' a group of people to whom it doesn't apply.
If gays want a union (legal, religious, etc), then call it something else -- 'cause it ain't a 'marriage'
As I don't write poetry (except for the one and only attempt that's in my Port), I never feel qualified to comment on it.
I liked this one, tho', and only found one slightly jarring (or maybe not-quite-right) reference: the 'Why not a knife?' line. Seemed a bit out of place or something.
Other than that, very expressive without going over board.
Terrific Only a rare and exquisite talent could put together such a retinue of lines in archaic form and flavor concerning a mundane (and malodorous) subject
Average rant, but then it's meant to strike chords.
As a parent, I never had the 'I have to be cool, Mom' problem simply because I used (and enforced) two things: 1) No. 2) If all that 'cool' stuff is so necessary, then send your clothes to school and stay home.
As I parent, I make the rules, not the kids; I also placed academics over sports. One son is now a manager, and the younger one (still in high school) is in JROTC and will join the National Guard this year.
Stores can't profit if parents refuse to pay the bill.
This is one of the best articles on R/R/R that I've read.
I especially like the 'nothing's perfect'; I've read countless 'pro' published books (even magazines and newspapers) and have yet to find a 'perfect' one. Most have several errors, but I overlook them because people make mistakes.
I didn't know there were so many different ways to arrive at an 'average'. You're right -- mean averages on Writing.com isn't representative of the majority of opinion. Most readers don't R/R/R at all; a lot of Portfolios have less than 10 ratings, and just one rating of 1 or 2 can send a 4 or 5 rated item down to half of what it was, or less.
I dislike ratings without comments; if the rating is low, tell me why and maybe I can fix it. A string of low ratings w/o a review or even a helpful comment explaining why is just an indication -- to me, at least -- that the rater is trying to downgrade an item (or items) for whatever personal reason. Very childish, if you ask me; esp. when you can't contact the person who left the low rating to find out why.
I think everyone who visits and R/R/R a Member's Portfolio, Folder, or Item, should have their site ID's listed on the Statistics Page. I think that would cut down on a lot of the 'raiders'.
You forgot to mention the Views/Reviews ratio; when the number of Views exceeds the number of Reviews/Rating by 3 to 1 or more, what does that mean about the writing? If there's 20 views and only 1 or 2 R/R/R, does that mean the author should wait or seek another website?
Other than that, you've brought up some valid points (heh).
--msreynolds
AngelArchiver
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