The structure, form, and rhyme are solid. I like the increasing syllables as each stanza progresses. Right now the language in the poem is very simple, and this is not a bad thing; however, I feel in this case it detracts from the severity of such a topic as fear. Think about how word choices convey meaning; for example, if the first four stanzas were painted using a more mature word pallet, the last stanza could remain exactly as it is, simple and concise. What does this do for you? It, to me, would convey that the last stanza, which speaks of emancipation from fear, gives instructions that are simple to follow, and that the stanzas before it talk of complicated matters that can all be reversed by the direction in the last stanza.
Fear resides inside the heart,No need for a comma here. Maybe a period, but often in poetry you can end a line without punctuation if that line alone is a sentence and does not spill onto the next line
Once it consumes, you try to part.Same here as I mentioned above
Fear latches on with all the its power;
Soon you give up and begin to cower.
Think of words that are synonyms for some of the two word phrases you have in this stanza. For example, give up could be replaced with submit. The syllables are still preserved. Inside could be replaced with 'within.' The 'all the' before power could be replaced with a two syllable adjective. Play around and see how much more mean can be pumped out of each stanza by changing a few words.
Loneliness comes to pays a visit;
This sour feeling does not fit. This line seems to be written in an obligation to the rhyme rather than by the poet’s command.
You loose lose the last all scraps of your completeness,
Hold on real (I'm not sure exactly what could go here to fit, but with some thought I'm sure you could think of something because 'Hold on real tight' isn't the best phrase nor is good English. I feel it detracts greatly from this stanza) tight, you now fear loneliness.
My idea of how this stanza could be improved using what you’re trying to convey would look like this:
Loneliness pays a visit;
This bile feeling won’t resist
Eating all scraps of your completeness.
Grasp so tightly, you now fear loneliness.
Rain falls down plummets around your space face,
You crave for one more ounce of grace. I love this line
It rains so much hard you can feel the pain,
Congragtulations, you now fear the rain.
The future becomes unclear,
You put it off for one more year.
Chances you never took are torture, I think you’re trying to talk about regret here. If that is so look at this line and try to find a way to express that a little more lucidly.
Run for your life; you now fear the future.
Fear resides inside the heart,
It has consumed, now but make it part!
Unlatch it with all of your power!
Fear will give up! and begin It will start to cower!
So going by my suggestions you can see what I think would make the best improvements. Please remember that these are just my opinions and should be followed at your discretion. Combining all of my opinions above the poem would look like this:
Fear resides within the heart.
Once it consumes, you try to part.
Fear latches on with entrapping power;
Soon you submit and begin to cower.
Loneliness pays a visit;
This bile won’t resist
Eating all scraps of your completeness.
Grasp so tightly, you now fear loneliness.
Rain plummets around your face;
You crave for one more ounce of grace.
It rains so hard you can feel the pain.
Congratulations, you now fear the rain.
The future becomes unclear;
You put all off for one more year.
Chances you never took are torture;
Run for you life, you now fear the future.
Fear resides within the heart;
It has consumed, but make it part!
Unlatch it with all of your power!
Fear will give! It will start to cower!
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