§ Forsaken §'s (nann0827) Reviews

§ Forsaken §

Review Requests: OFF

1,172 Public Reviews Given

1,361 Total Reviews Given

Favorite Genres

fantasy,sci-fi, dark, nature, mythology

Favorite Item Types

Poetry, flash fiction

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3831739

Review of Lying with Dragons: Ch 1

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

You've really improved this piece since the last time I read and reviewed it.

Questions/Suggestions

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors.

Personally, I still feel as though the character is too young for this story. This is just my opinion.

Overall

It's a very intriguing start. There's so much that hasn't been revealed about the past and the land. I'm curious to know more about the charcter and the world he lives in. The end left me wanting to start the next chapter. I hope you'll post more of the story. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3770753

Review of A Useless Span of Timeliness

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

I enjoy the rhymes. I wonder what your job is.

Questions/Suggestions

I feel pulled in two different directions when reading your piece,but, then again, sometimes life is contradictory. It seems like you do a lot and accomplish much, but you "twitter the hours away" and feel so alone.

Overall

The piece flows very well and your rhymes are done very nicely. I like the rhyme scheme. I felt a special draw to the first line of the fourth stanza. Work doesn’t nurture or nurse the fledgling It reminded me of my last job. I hope you're in a better place now. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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3

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#3770662

Review of A MANLY THING?

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A very humorous piece.

Questions/Suggestions

In the seventh stanza, I think "I'd" should be "I've."

Overall

The piece flows very well and your rhymes are excellent. The last line was an excellent close to the piece. You've created a very interesting scene. Though it would be difficult for me to imagine, your images are vivid and it had a real feel to it. Excellent job!

Keep writing!!!

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4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3769943

Review of Paint and Painters

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A fun piece.

Questions/Suggestions

None.

Overall

The piece flows nicely and the rhymes are done well. I feel tired just thinking about all that work! I like how you point out that painting should be an event to be enjoyed. Even though it's hard work, we should have fun doing it. It's very true, and I find makes the work go faster. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3768545

Review of WHAT HALLOWEEN MEANS TO ME

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

Thank you for sharing what Halloween means to you.

Questions/Suggestions

None.

Overall

I heartily agree with what Halloween means to you. It can be a such a fun time of year. I feel it's one day a year that we can forget ourselves a little bit and just have fun. With everyone in on the fun, we don't have to worry about whether or not will fit in or what others think. We can be more free. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3767657

Review of LOVE SONG

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

This is a lovely piece.

Questions/Suggestions

I would put a comma after 'now' in the third line. I wonder if you don't need a comma after the second 'hope' in the second stanza. I'm note sure what's technically right, but a pause there feels right to me.

Overall

This piece flows beautifully. I can relate to the emotions expressed. You really tugged on my heartstrings. There's so much hope in the second stanza, but I feel the pull of time in the third and fear it will keep you separated. I like how you ended the piece with a question. You leave the answers and the next section open. Who knows what will happen in time? It helps keep that hope alive. Excellent job.

Keep writing!!!

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7

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14 days may be credited.

#3766188

Review of TBD: Little Lily's Night

Review by § Forsaken §

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A fun and intriguing piece.

Questions/Suggestions

My only question is why does the title start with "TBD:"?

Overall

I love the alliteration of the character's name. The piece flows well and the rhymes are excellently done. I thoroughly enjoyed the introduction of the faery. I like the idea of being watched over. It's an excellent ending. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3713345

Review of Story Master

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

Terrific parody!

Questions/Suggestions

None.

Overall

I can imagine what a challenge this was! You've done an excellent job. Your rhymes and flow were both terrific. You've captured the rhythm beautifully. I could hear the melody of it as I read it. I enjoyed reading this piece. It's a lot of fun. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3708171

Review of July Morning

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A lovely and patriotic piece.

Questions/Suggestions

The first stanza doesn't match the rhyme scheme you follow in the other two stanzas. I don't have a suggestion on how to change it. I like the way the second and third lines flow and I'm not sure how you would change the last line to rhyme with "home."

Overall

I enjoyed your descriptions. I could visualize all the activities associated with the Fourth of July. The piece flows well and the rhymes are nice. I especially liked the last two lines of the piece:
The sight of Old Glory waving bravely in the sky
Reminds us of the sacrifices made to keep freedom alive.

It's something we should keep in mind everyday, not just once a year. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3708167

Review of Wonder?

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

I think we all can relate to this.

Questions/Suggestions/Comments

The first half doesn't flow quite as well as the first. I feel like you're trying to find a rhythm and the questions you want to ask and it feels a little forced. It doesn't feel and fluid and natural as the second half.

Overall

I like the first/last line rhyming. I especially liked how you have the first and last lines of the first and last stanzas the same. It gives me the feeling of having come full circle. The second half flows really well. I felt myself getting swept up. I know I've asked the same questions at least a thousand times. I can really relate to the ideas you're expressing. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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11

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14 days may be credited.

#3706224

Review of Fain Feign

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A very interesting piece.

Questions/Suggestions

I read it through a couple of times, and I'm still not sure what the subject of the piece is. What is "it" that you're describing?

In the last stanza, the last two lines don't feel quite right to me. It seems like a word is missing with the last line beginning with "to". Personally, I would suggest changing "to" to "you" or changing "once" and omitting the comma after "mask".

Overall

The piece flows very well and the rhymes are an excellent touch. There's a mysterious and dark quality to the piece that pulled me in. I enjoyed reading it, though I am curious and unsure about what exactly is the "it" behind the piece. Whatever "it" is, I hope to avoid it! You've painted the picture of darkness nicely and I definitely feel horror and dread in this piece. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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12

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14 days may be credited.

#3706219

Review of SNOW

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A fun story in an entertaining form.

Questions/Suggestions

I looked up "xanthic" and "zoetic" and I'm still not sure I understand.

Overall

Thanks for sharing this childhood memory. It reminds me of my cousin's ex-husband, who saw snow for the first time in his thirties. When you grow up with it, it's a normal part of the change of seasons. We sometimes forget what a magical thing snow is. I'm not sure I would call it a "poem" as each letter has its own sentence. It feels more like a short story. I like the idea of starting each line with the next letter of the alphabet though. It would be tricky to capture each one and make it work in the story (especially with q, x, and z). You've made it work. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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13

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14 days may be credited.

#3706168

Review of The Journey Home

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A lovely piece. The image included adds a lot.

Questions/Suggestions

None.

Overall

Thank you for including a note about the form! The piece keeps true to the description of the form. It's an interesting form and I like the continuity the refrain lines add. I can see you wandering down the path in the picture trying to find your way. I can relate to the ideas and feelings you have expressed. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3703099

Review of Birthday Island

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

I like the flow and images.

Questions/Suggestions

I'm sure I learned this form in school, but I've forgotten. I think a little note about the form would be nice. What I found online shows the refrain being from the first part of the first line rather than the last part. I'm wondering if this is your take on it, making the piece fit better, or if I found a slightly different version than what you had.

Overall

I love the flow of the piece. Your rhymes are great. You've been very creative in making the piece work with the form. I like the humor in the piece. The story could have gone a much different way. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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15

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#3703045

Review of ~The Last Full Moon~

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

I love seeing what people can do with 55 words.

Questions/Suggestions

I didn't find any errors.

Overall

I didn't expect this story with the title. I like how you wove it around the full moon. It fits, but is an unexpected twist.

You did an excellent job in telling this story with so few words. I feel like I have a complete picture. The last line is a wonderful ending to the story. I like how you have it set off. It adds finality, though this moment would only be the beginning of a new chapter for her.

Great job!
Keep writing!!!

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16

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14 days may be credited.

#3699063

Review of The Junk Box Kitten

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A fun piece! Love the image.

Questions/Suggestions

You don't need the comma at the end of line one or the semi-colon at the end of line five. I would, however, suggest a comma after bright in the seventh line. In this line, it feels like a distinction is needed between the toys being bright and making noise. The first instances don't need the separation.

Overall

I love the way the piece flows. The rhymes are excellent. I like picture you depict and how people see things differently. It reminds me of my own cat. All the different toys I've bought for her sit. Boxes on the other hand... She can't get enough of them! I don't know what it is about an empty box that entertains her so. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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17

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14 days may be credited.

#3696391

Review of SWEPT AWAY

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A wonderful piece.

Questions/Suggestions

None.

Overall

The rhythms and your descriptions swept me away. The piece moves so beautifully. I enjoyed how you moved it along. Your rhymes are excellent. Even though the ideas and the concept of love can be intangible, I felt the full force of each stanza; I felt the emotions you described. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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18

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#3692051

Review of Dance, Lady, Dance

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A wonderful piece. I felt entranced and swept away.

Questions/Suggestions

The only thing I noticed was in the third stanza. The comma at the end of line 5 separates your subject from the verb.

Overall

I loved your descriptions. I felt like I was there watching the dance. I felt the seasons change and I felt the change when the Lord started dancing and picked up the beat. The piece flows very well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. Excellent job!

Keep writing!!!

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19

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#3691686

Review of Mysterious Lady

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

Mona Lisa has captivated people for centuries.

Questions/Suggestions

I liked the rhymes and the flow in the second half. I wonder if you couldn't have a similar set up in the beginning as well. Otherwise, I didn't notice any errors or awkward spots.

Overall

I like that you described her, even though most are probably familiar with the painting. It helps solidify the image. I never really thought about what, exactly, captivates people, but I think you're right about the eyes. They really draw you in. You set the piece up in the first half, but it really takes off and drives home in the second half. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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20

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14 days may be credited.

#3682672

Review of Love and Hot Water

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

I had other ideas of "hot water" but I love where you went with it.

Questions/Suggestions

I didn't notice any errors.

Overall

This was an excellent and humorous piece. You went under the surface of "love" to the sacrifice beneath. I thoroughly enjoyed your descriptions, especially the glimpse into the artic. I think it's nice how you started off with your main topic and led into what love is for you. I loved the ending. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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21

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#3681432

Review of Because...

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A lovely and emotional piece.

Questions/Suggestions

The brief item description left me with questions. Who is "a Rockstar like Andy Biersack"? Who is Andy Biersack?

Overall

I feel like there is a whole story behind this piece. It seems like you turned a little about halfway in. The first half seems like it will be uplifting and strong, but the second seems to go the other way. She seems to give in and give up. Especially the last line. I'm hoping you mean it metaphorically or that you die inside, not literally. At any rate, the emotion in this piece is powerful. I like the little bit of repetition in the piece. It helps tie the piece together nicely. The rhymes are an excellent touch. The piece flows very well. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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22

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#3681377

Review of IT BEGAN WITH A KISS

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A gorgeous piece.

Questions/Suggestions

I didn't notice any errors. There's nothing I would change.

Overall

Your words flow so beautifully. The rhymes are great and add to the rhythm. You paint such a beautiful picture. I actually got goosebumps in the third stanza. I couldn't help but smile while reading this. The feelings you express are ones that I hope everyone can feel at least once in their lives. Excellent job!

Keep writing!!!

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23

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14 days may be credited.

#3679819

Review of Lying with Dragons: Ch 1

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

An intriguing piece.

Questions/Suggestions

There are a few of spots that could use a comma. Towards the end, "dieing" should be "dying."

Overall

I had trouble seeing the characters in the beginning. I did not expect the main character to be so very young. Some of it almost seems too young for such dark subject matter. Towards the middle and the end, it really started to pick up as I got accustomed to the characters and got a better feel for what was going on. This part ends just as I was sitting on the edge of my seat. I'm anxious to know what happens next. Good job!

Keep writing!!!

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24

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14 days may be credited.

#3679384

Review of “Andrew's Treatment”

Review by § Forsaken §

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

An uplifting piece. The end was worth the journey.

Questions/Suggestions

In the first paragraph, you don't need the comma between "room" and "seemed" .

In the fourth paragraph, the semi-colons in the first sentence should be commas.

Overall

I thought you were going to go in a different direction in the beginning and I was worried about the woman. I love that you bring her back around in the end. When she asked Andrew to be her valentine, I got chills and had to smile. It was a beautiful turning point. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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25

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#3677593

Review of Losing You 17 lines

Review by § Forsaken §

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Thank you for sharing this piece and for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. All suggestions and comments are my personal opinions and are shared in a spirit of helpfulness. Remember, it's your piece to do with as you see fit.

First Impressions

A well executed piece. The emotion is clear.

Questions/Suggestions

Where does the "17 lines" come from? I counted 15 lines; five stanzas each with three lines.

Overall

The piece flows very well and the rhymes are great. I think it's interesting that the last stanza is so different from the rest of the piece. It shows how you've moved on. The first two stanzas focus on how you are losing him, the second two on his being lost, and the last stanza doesn't mention the loss. He's gone; it's over. I think it adds a lot of finality to the piece. It's actually my favorite stanza. I can feel the emptiness and loneliness of the night. Great job!

Keep writing!!!

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