competitivewriter's (nateworrell) Reviews

competitivewriter

Review Requests: OFF

17 Public Reviews Given

17 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4251135

Review of Cowboy Sunset

Review by competitivewriter

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Definitely get a sense of the narrator's weariness. The image of an exhausted cowboy as a personification of the occupation itself is very clever. I liked the part towards the end when the horse was referenced, "jarring sway" really gave a good picture in my head.

As a critique, perhaps something other than "been through thick and thin" could add more depth, as that phrase is a touch cliche. Perhaps something more specific to the cowboy experience?

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4249199

Review of The Rogues Warrant

Review by competitivewriter

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This poem has some of the classic workings of a ballad. Very enjoyable. This seems like a poem that could be easily extended to three times its lengths. How did the two first meet? The run and chase is exciting, but it never comes to a head. I would like to see what happens when the lovers are discovered, or perhaps if they never are and escape to old age.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4248499

Review of Celestial Clowns

Review by competitivewriter

Rated: E

| (3.5)

I kind of like the "sailor song" feel to this sonnet. I find it to always be tricky to force thoughts into a structure, especially when you have to use required words.

Here's the thing. I think you are counting celestial as 2 syllables, it's 3. ce -lest - ial. Puts your syllable count to 9 in your first line and penultimate line.

Also, it seems to me the reds and pinks line belongs in the second stanza related to stains. I'd expect something more stormy in the first section.

Good luck.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4248493

Review of Heart Visits

Review by competitivewriter

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I really enjoyed this poem. There is a great contrast (no pun intended) between your memory and the photograph. You did a wonderful job with the contest, the words you needed to use were woven in seemlessly.

The only thing that really threw me here was the punctuation. I think the poem flows fine without it, the line breaks themselves give the pauses you are looking for. Something to experiment with anyway.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4248488

Review of The Climb To Nothingness

Review by competitivewriter

Rated: E

| (3.5)

I like the theme of the poem, it is contrary to many other kinds of mountain top images.

Not sure if you were trying to adhere to a strict syllable count, but that could help the rhythm of the poem. For instance the last lines are 6/7/8/6.

Here's one way to get the lines to six syllables a piece
I so wished that I was blind....take out "so" or "that"
but a journey that sends me creeps....the journey sent me creeps

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4243622

Review of Elidurus the Dutiful, King of Britain

Review by competitivewriter

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Fun quirky historic tale. In the second paragraph, the first sentence could be split into two sentences. I also assumed that when Archgallo was overthrown, that meant he died. I was surprised to find him wandering the woods later. Perhaps a detail that the nobles banished him to the country would help.