for 150 words or under it is good but your description is lacking and some things need to be thought about as to understand what you are speaking of. The idea is good and I like how you ended it :)
Its interesting but some of your metaphors push the reader away and take away some of the sense of drama, I have read things like this before so I found it a bit predictable but it was dramatic and captured my focus so good stuff :)
The story is quick to draw you in and is very dramatic and alluring. I love the unusual story line and would love to hear more, please keep me posted :) It is a great write but maybe fix up some of the repeated words in rapid succession, spelling errors and maybe rearrange a few sentences. I loved it :D
That's really freaking long, there are a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. It is really emotional and repetitive so it enforces the point strongly in viewers. This for a first post is A-MAZE-ING :D
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