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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nellievrolyk
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Review of Sudden Death  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This story has the feeling of a dream, or should I say a nightmare? There is certainly something dreamlike about the almost disjointed way in which the narrator tells her/his story.

If it is dark where the narrator is at first, how can she/he see the shadowy being that frightens her/him?

How does the narrator know the others in the room are being kept against their wills?

I like the image of sewing human skin into a quilt with hair.

This is an interesting little story that could perhaps have been longer so as to develop the narrator character more, as well as the other persons. I have very little sense of who or what the narrator is. Human yes. But I cannot determine if the person is male or female, young or old.

Now for a few finicky fussies *Smile*

It was dark when I was brought here; I'm not sure where I am. I'd replace the semi-colon with a period and make this into two separate sentences.

They were on there knees The underlined 'there' would look better as 'their' to me since you're speaking of the persons' knees.

Still no answered. I think you've left off 'one' from after the 'no'

I hope you don't mind my fussies too much. And keep on practicing your writing. The more you write, the better you will be at it *Smile*
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