I rewrote the first part of your story. Your writing is good but tends to be to formal. Loosen up, it's called creative writing. Paint me pictures with words. Don't be so quick to move on.
Liliana is your normal high school senior (List a few Attributes that make her normal) who can't wait to graduate and head of to the sun and fun of the University of Hawaii. Except there's one problem, one very big problem. Her AP Literature teacher Ms. Davies hates her. Hates might be an understatement. Detest, abhors, loathes... pick your adjective. With a personality that even Mr. Rogers would find offensive, she spends the day wallowing about her personal life which is about as eventful as a deserted street. Plus, the fact that she gives out grades based on her favorite "pets" and that the class is the last one of the day only adds to her demise.
One night after (NOW TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED THAT CAUSED HER TO TALK TO HER PARENTS) No go on.
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