I really enjoyed your short short story. You capture the time very well and transport the reader to the era you're writing about. I assume Bailey's Corners comes from Grovers Corners? Anyway, I enjoyed the twist at the end. I have been writing dialogues recently, among them George Luca and Steven Spielberg, Bill and Hillary Clinton and George W.Bush and Jesus Christ. Please feel free to visit my port and enjoy them.
You're is the short form of "you are" not your. I'm not a horror fan and didn't enjoy the story very much.
Some of it was much too graphic for me. I'm more of a comedy fan. I'll check some more of your work at a later date. Keep writing!
A short gem. I love short and to the point pieces. Your thoughts in a bind. Wow! That's problematic! I think this poem is fine the way it is. I wouldn't change a thing. It reached inside me from the page. That's what I like and admire about reading other writer's work. Please feel free to read and review any of the pieces in my port nightbird.
Did you use the D's on purpose? Just kidding. I enjoyed this piece very much and think you did a great job. I could feel the emotion of the poem coming out of it and felt real to me. Please keep writing so well and feel free to visit my port nightbird to rate and review.
I like this poem a great deal. Your dreams are positive and hopeful. The steamy kisses might make it difficult to see the other person, though. Sorry I'm under control again now. You are a very talented poet and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I like short and to the point poems, as I write them myself. Your imagery is quite visual, especially the tennis ball getting closer to the poor victim. We all take sound for granted and would be lost without it. Please feel free to review anything in my port nightbird.
Unrequited "like" is hard to deal with. I am 42 years older than you and it still feels as bad as it did when I was your age. Using the word "shiver" in both places connects the verses nicely. The poem is a work in progress but it has a good basis to start from. Please feel free to visit my port nightbird and rate and review what you wish.
I love your comparison of the Bonsai and the Oak. I am 5'6" which is short for a man, but I like not having to fold myself into a car. There are small basketball players like Allen Iverson who use their speed and intelligence to play better than much taller players.
Small is like anything else, it's what you make of it.
I hope this finds you in good health and Happy New Year. I used to live on the same island in Brooklyn.
sandiegocharger
nlightnd:
Your handle is wonderful. The piece is very heartfelt.
Just a few suggestions, other's should be others, and in the last verse you're should be your. But all in all, a very beautiful effort. Reminds me of the fact we all need someone to care for us.
This is very well put. I just have a few suggestions, make learn and caterpillar lower case and journeys' should be journey's. Otherwise, the imagery is right there and the message works. Thanks again for your very encouraging reviews!
You have written something to be proud of. It shows how difficult it must have been to have a mask on and how liberating it must have been to finally remove it.
Write on honestly as yourself and you and the reading community will be the richer for it.
It should be "play". Very sensory and image-filled. It certainly has passion. I especially like the sweet and sour mixing.The title reminds me of that Donovan song "Mellow Yellow". I think you've got something good here and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Good list. Gives a good sense of who and what you are. I have one, too. "200 mind leaks". I am a New Yorker transplanted to San Diego. I am a Liberal Democrat who would would enjoy a dialogue, maybe we can get a TV show together. What are your views on stem cell research, should it be pursued to the fullest?
Great misdirection! The road on which you take the reader is leading to the end without a clue as to what's coming! Humourous poetry is difficult but you bring it off without a hitch. Please visit my site nightbird and feel free to rate and review anything you like!
What a novel idea! I would take out the comma between orange and striped. But I think you could definitely develop this into something bigger especially with the time-travelling aspect. Sort of like a feline Lt. Colombo. Please feel free to visit my port nightbird and review what you wish.
The only change I would suggest is "information has".
I enjoyed being inside your head. I wouldn't be a teenager again for any amount of money. It's too hard and confusing. But have no fear, it will turn to adulthood soon enough with its own set of challenges.
Ashley Judd! What a quote! Me, too! You and I are children of different mothers! You are strange like me! Let's form a group! It could by called the Denny Crane Watchers who also admire Patrick Stewart. I am a Trekker, too. Look forward to reading more of your witty and pithy and funny stuff. Please try my quizzes and Imponderables as they are as weird as you are. And of course, I'm voting this election to rid us of as many of those in Congress now as possible.
Are you named for the opera? I am a Jew, but I feel Israel has to find a peaceful solution to the Palestinian homeland problem. Too many people are killed and injured for it to continue. The weak must stop attacking Israel, too. This has to be a two-way street. Your poem is wonderful with its imagery of the bleeding pregnant woman. How do you put a price on a human being? They are too valuable to waste with war. Please visit my site nightbird and feel free to review anything you like.
A very affecting poem. It reaches in and grabs your heart and tugs on it. You put all of your emotion into it and it pays dividends. I am feklempt (indisposed for a moment). Okay, I'm okay now. Good job! Keep writing! Please visit my site nightbird for a chuckle or two.
I feel what you are writing coming off the page into my soul. I am a man, but the way you wrote this poem gave me a sense of how you feel being a woman abused by a man. i think that is what writing is all about. Making someone else feel the way you do so they can have the experience of the writer.
I like your poem very much. The only suggestion I have is perhaps a "the" before "sweet sugar". But that is up to you, of course. I think you love your mother very much and it comes through very well in the piece. Please feel free to visit my site nightbird and read rate and review.
I like this, but it needs some work. I think the Heaven line is weak, as Heaven is not a time? I think when you refer to Christ as Him or He, it should always be a capital letter. Also Savior should be capitalized. Mother Mary wasn't conceived by Jesus, although that's what the line implies. Just my ideas. I hope you take this in the spirit I mean it in.
This is a very important topic that is all too common in our world. Your short poem is very powerful. I suggest putting "Her love; once given" be higher in the piece, maybe the first line as a prologue. I'd also put periods every other line as you have semi-colons. Also make "Once given" into one word like "Rebuked" to make the poem consisent. Also Now gone could be "Extinguished". Just my ideas.
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