Grammar:
-You need to go back and put your thoughts into 'quotes' ^_^
"Moonlight shone in through the small windows of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry..."- comma after Hogwarts.
"Inside Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry however all was silent..."- You don't need to say Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The readers all ready know the settting. ^_^
"Her feet made no sound on the cold floor and she was glad that the portraits were asleep, since she didn’t want to get into trouble so close to the end of year ball, even though she had an excuse; she was looking for a book she’d left in her Arithmacy class earlier in the day."- Frist its "End of the year ball" and this whole sentence is to wordy. You might want to make into serperate sentences.
"unless Fluffy is back she thought with a smile."- Put into 'quotes' is its a thought and capitalize unless.
"She blinked as they came into the moonlight farther ahead..."- your contradicting yourself when you say "they" becuase later you say it was one student. >.> Same thing here, "She waited as they came into a closer patch of moonlight..."
"Even if he does tell, he’ll get in as much trouble as me she thought."- Quotes needed.
"...he lifted and shaking, bloodstained hand and touched her face."- Probably should reword to something like "He lifted his shaking, bloodstained hand, and touched her face.
"Trembling, she too lifted and hand and took his"- reword.
Comments: Wow, what on earth did he do that he was so bloodstained like that? Poor Draco. I wonder what Hermione is gonna do. I shall read on! Oh I loved your description of the morning with the centaur- I got some pretty imagery out of that. Hope you found this review helpful. ^_^
Grammar-Good thing I rate on opinion and don't take grammar that seriously.
"...simply said BEAUTOSA."- is she's saying something you should put it in quotes.
"And out of nowhere a blowdryer..."- You should try to avoid starting sentences with "and"
" ~I wonder who is the headboy~"- Don't use those lines, just put thoughts into Italic font ^_^
"...they agrees to let her go."- they "agreed" to let her go.
"She hoit the snooze button and..." - she "hit" the snooze button.
"Finallt 2am had arrived..."- "Finally" 2 am...
"Look Mudblood, im no one's teacher pet...." "I'm" no one's...
"You may pretened to think you are better than every one, but I see a scared little boy,"- you may "pretend" to think.
"He know saw the long flowing hair..."- he "now" saw the long flowing hair.
"...the mandrake and and levitated an unconcious Draco up to his bedroom"- one too many and's
"I just can't see someone vunerable I don't know why,"-period after vulnerable.
"bo=ut I couldn't just leave you there. Even though you probably would have left me" Hermione said."- "But" i couldn't...
"Alrm was written all over Hermione's face as she remembered what she had on. "-"Alarm" was written all over...
You need to watch you spacing. When you have a conversation going on you need to make it new paragraphs like:
"Hi how are you," she asked.
"Great," I answered.
Also new paragraphs need to be indented.
Comments:
I really liked the beginning overall, though I think you should make some of their thought's more like the characters would actually think. Other than that I like the romance going on between those. Can't wait to read more. Hope this review helped ^_^
Wow this definitely brought about some imagery in my mind. It looked exactly like that one scene in the movie. Where she first saw herself in the mirror after getting ready. This poem described that scene to perfection in my opinion. You did a rally nice job on this poem. Hope this review helped ^_^.
Wow the first stanza gave out some great imagery. I can just see the cherry blossoms flowing in the breeze. I like how you said it captivated everyone, even the busy. Though you made the setting in a village, even now in the busy streets of Tokyo its still the same. I loved the designs on the geisha's kimonos. I adore kimonos! =P So maybe I'm being a bit bi-ist on this one. Nice ending lines. ^_^
Wow this was definitely written well, in my opinion. I loved your writing style and description in this. Oh i don't think I mentioned this in the chocolate factory story review, but I love how you insert these little images here in there. ^_^. This was a major creative story. I think you did a nice job!
Grammar- Not much found in this department at all.
" I should’ve looked where I was going, for sure..."- I think this sentence is strong enough without the "for sure" part.
" Goodbye, Brody."-if shes saying this it needs to be in quotes.
"I was only holding crumpled blanket"- I was only holding "a" crumpled blanket. ^_^
Comments- Wow this was contained some serious emotion. I loved your detail on everything, especially the ending. Her parents are little honkies =.= How on earth do they not cry TT_TT. All in all nicely written.
Hehe. This was a nice and enjoyable read. I an definitely relate to this. Either I'm stuck playing match up the socks when the laundry is done or I'm crying over not being able to find the matching one. So yes, sometimes i do wear miss matching socks. All in all very nice and rhymey-yes I know it isn't a word ^_^. 5/5 for you!
Hahahah. This was definitely a nice comical read. You used end rhyme really nicely in the poem. For me being up so late at night, this put a nice smile on my face. I loved your descriptions on the dwarfs a well. So all in all you did a very nice job. Since you made me laugh you get a 5/5 ^_^
"necessity is the mother of invention"
"vanity be the father of extravagance",-- LOVE LOVE LOVE those lines ^_^
This was a very nice read. I love how you broke things down to equal something else. Nice word. Definitely a job well done. You get a 5/5 ^_^
Very funny, you can definitely write some good 55 word stories. Where do you get all of your great ideas from.- tell me your secret and don't you forget to make sure to keep up the good work. Make sure to go to profile and return the viewing favor. ^_^
Haha. This was very entertaining, especially when she said shed bring a different sort of tear in his eye. At first when I began to read I thought it was going to be another sappy romance but i never expected the twist to be a play. Very nice job. Hope Ken remembers not to eat the garlic ^_^ Good read. 4.5/5- Please feel free to return the reviewing favor.
Love the use if end rhyme. Love when you used the word whence-made it sound Shakespearean. I liked your use of rhyming adjectives as well-ex. crazy maze and tired haze. This was a really great read Very nice work. I rate this a 4.5/5. Will definitely read more of your work in the future.
Hahaha, Again we see the daily life of the trouble maker Fred. XD. Just like your previous entry we are reunited with your wonderful, comical writing style and of course the funniest feline around, Fred. Looking Forward to reading more. Excellent job as always.
Yes your message is loud and clear. One can really fell your emotions and your compassion for the situation come out through this poem. I have great respect for how you chose to represent what you felt through using your hair as a representation for it. Very Symbolic.
This was a VERY amusing read. Your entires are very comical. I found myself laughing out loud. I like how descriptive you were, I can actually predict your cats personality through his actions. The images of the Grey hair popping out and the frosted whiskers were funny. An overall excellent job. You get a 4.5! Good work
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