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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9
Review Requests: OFF
3,410 Public Reviews Given
3,449 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
Click bait like this frustrates me, so I abstain. We're in complete agreement. I meditate every day, sometimes with an audio book if my brain is spinning off the earth's axis. Why, oh why, does money always have to be included when measuring success? You sealed the coffin. Anyone who's writing and promoting their book with ridiculous and indeterminable promises is only striving for their own success.

The phrasing is always vague and layered, with nothing of substance contained within.

*Bulletr*
I remember a class from way back in junior high. The teacher asked what our life goal should be. My (written) reply was 'success'. I was over the moon, thinking how smart I was, until said teacher asked me what success was. That stumped me.

*Bulletr*
And here's my observation concerning money. Money is an emotional state, the constant being 'money'. If we have too little, we worry about not having enough. If we have hoards of money, we worry about losing it. It's always the same. Worrying. Of course, that's a generalized statement that doesn't apply to everyone.

*Bullet*
I've never found a book on self-help that helps me. Why? I'm returning back to the beginning. First, why do I have to follow someone else's way to advance? Secondly, I once read an entire book based on self-advancement, and at the end of the book I drew the opposite conclusion from the author's.

We're also in agreement on your other point. Except I'll take it one step farther. It's said we create our own reality with our thoughts, which rings true for me. The idea also terrifies me. Do I have to guard my every thought? I put myself in the situation I'm in, that I am aware of. How to escape? The way out can't be found written or spoken anywhere.

I wandered a bit there. I've always been edgy when reading statistics. One point that annoys me is wanting to know how many people were involved in the study.

*Right* I enjoy your writing because it's always precise and to the point.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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2
2
for entry "Just treat please" Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pumpkin Spice Sox Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*First Impression?
Upon seeing the picture prompt, I thought the animal was a duck. The first stanza identified the character. That's what I get for peeking at the requirements first.

*Bulletr*Rolling on:
Aw, how sweet the thought of a dog trying to dress up for Halloween. All the action pointed specifically to the perils it must overcome. The dog losing its disguise was a clever take, as it looked as if the fur was about to slide off.

When it comes to balance, I've done the same. I never really thought about syllable count, but a reviewer used that term to describe my 'error' in unevenness. i.e. I don't necessarily agree with that, but a well-balanced poem is more pleasing to the eye. A writer needs largess to express themselves when writing a poem or prose. But the observation is stuck in my mind.

*Bulletr* Lasting impression:
The repetition of 'I want to please' emphasized the dog's desperation. Lines five and six were my favorites because they described the scene in such a way that made me go 'ick'. Well done. Ironically, those two lines are the ones that stand out.

Write on!

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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3
3
Review of The House of Dunn  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi NaNotatoGo! Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
What an excellent horror story. I liked how the action began close up and then expanded into the horror aspect. Write anything about crows and it's guaranteed to cause a reader's fright. Although, some people like crows. Definitely not me.

*Bulletr*
All your characters were clearly defined, despite the limited word count. Fantastic.
Adding in the reluctance of the door to open heightened the anxiety level. It was almost as if the house didn't want any entrants. And it straight up spiked the fear.

*Bulletr*
*Questiong* After pausing the recording went through the crumbling stone and wrought iron gate.
I'm not sure what that means.

People worked out that they were dying in Ireland.
I understand the point you're trying to make because I read the brief description. Otherwise, the sentence isn't crystal clear.

My favourite line? The description of Dunn's eyes. *Checkg*

A disturbing ending hit the mark for a perfect horror story. I have to say it was gruesome, with a bit of gallows humour. Nicely done.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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4
4
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletr*
What a pretty picture you've made into a trinket. I was somewhat perplexed by the length of the item and the reason for why it was written. Then I clicked over to the prompt page for the ah-ha moment. Good job. I can't imagine what would come to mind if I attempted to respond to the prompt.

*Bulletr*
The title reminds me of something from my past. I was Roman Catholic for a good portion of my life, but at some point I switched to a Renewed Charismatic church. The title had more words, but those two are the only ones I can remember.

Anyhow, people of the Catholic faith didn't read the Bible. It was read to us by the priest. So...when I transitioned, I accepted the position to teach the kids in the church. I rejoiced every time we were together. The funny part? They had to help me learn the songs, and the title of your entry was the first one I learned.

*Bulletr*
The elegant simplicity of the photo you chose made a beautiful trinket. I liked the last encouraging line. I will try to find my light.

Respectfully reviewed by

~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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5
5
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lucinda Lynx

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
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I can easily relate to the thoughts expressed in your poem. My summary of my own life goes like this: "I see the world through dark colored glasses." Overcoming this negativity presents a task of monstrous challenges. How much simpler to stay in this state of mind when the truth is the truth. There is no light to be seen.

*Right* A few thoughts.
Title ~ When the Light is Gone

The word dark or its derivative is used over and over again. The reason can be to drive home the point. I'd rather find synonyms.

In the first stanza, the third line sticks out and throws off the balance. Also, this line is a bit clumsy and could be tightened. Maybe something like this:
No glimmer of light seeps under my eyelids.

In the same stanza, fourth line, there's no need for the word down. No one can crash up.

Second stanza, third line, comma splice. No comma is needed after 'darkness'.

You wrote this years ago, and I hope by now the circumstances that prompted this writing have passed. Something I like to remind my self is, just because this day is shrouded and tortured, that doesn't mean I'll feel the same way tomorrow. It's never true, but at that moment the thought does help.

The word 'cape' in the last line completes the empty feeling of being alone in the dark. Nicely done.


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6
6
Review of Befuddled  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Norman

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
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I chose your poem to read because something similar happened to me. I came to the same conclusion, someone had stolen my Camaro Z28. More on that later.

*Right* The rhyming scheme created a smooth flow, and the punctuation was right where it should be. The light breezy feeling while reading was refreshing. Sometimes, I come across a poem like yours and it lifts my spirits. I felt bad for the MC, and I could see him standing there, bewildered. I laughed.

In my world, not many people think of others. They pass on by. Our culture has changed. Years ago, someone would have asked if I needed help, rather than stare and walk away.

The biggest clue hit me when the MC used a key fob. No way was there a key fob for an old and rusty Jeep. Still, I wasn't quite sure what would happen, until the alarm went off.

Personal connection
There's a grocery store that has two entrances and two separate parking lots. I didn't pay attention to which door I entered, and ended up searching for my car, minute by minute feeling as if it had been stolen. An employee noticed my upset and offered to help. Long story short, yes, I'd parked in the other lot. The funniest part? I had to push my full shopping cart along a sidewalk covered in snow to reach the other side.

The most expressive phrase was the ice cream stanza, ending with the unexpected word (goo).

The only part that threw me off were the parentheses in the last few lines. I think the poem would be fine without them.

Thanks for the smile and for provoking my memory. I'd forgotten all about that incident.

Respectfully reviewed by
~Nixie "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

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7
7
Review of The one for me  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi fote

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
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I noticed you're new to the site, so I'll add a small disclaimer, which isn't something we normally do. I am one person with one opinion.

Overall, the poem is overwhelming with all the repetition. My suggestion would be to use 'Are you for me?" only once. Then you can populate the list. Otherwise, most of the meaning is lost, as it appears to be one big bundle of words.

The title should be properly capitalized.
The One for Me

In the last stanza, third line, are you suggesting that a partner should be who you've asked them to be? That's just messed up. We are who we are. Maybe I read it incorrectly.
...after all I've asked yourself to be?

I encourage you to fill out your bio block on your portfolio and bio page so readers have a hint of who you are. As it is now, I'm thinking you're a younger person, maybe even a teen.

Now, don't be discouraged. Keep on writing and grow from here. I know exactly what that experience feels like. I've learned so much over the years. *Wink*


Respectfully reviewed by
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8
8
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi christhewise

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Great job capturing my interest right from the beginning. The writing was well-done, and I was pulled into your dream, anticipating the events to follow.

And then...about halfway through mistakes kept popping up. I think it started with this sentence. I won't include everything to avoid too much copy/pasting.

"Your granddaughter has been awfully quiet, Cas" she observed
choose 'said' rather than observed. No one pays attention to sentence tags.

What were the ridiculous reasons for Astrid's imprisonment? Since this is only a prologue, maybe further explanations will follow.

Names should be distinct and not confusing. Astor and Astrid are too close in spelling, which makes the reader check back to see who is who. (At least I had to). Astor's title, although somewhat necessary was overly long.

So, here we go.
She sat on the bed, smoothing her skirts out before (peering down where the far side of the bed.)
????I have no idea what this means. Perhaps > peering down over(?)

"The room was dark...
The room was then described. How can anyone see what's in the room?

There was her granddaughter, Astrid, ...sat on the floor
should be sitting on the floor.

Astor said, shuffling a little close
(scooting) a little closer. A person can't shuffle on a floor.

Astor stated matter-of-factually, "In fact
Astor (said) "In fact' is a repetition.

I will stop here with no further observations. I think you started this and halfway through lost interest. That's a familiar feeling for me. I noticed there was no editing for this piece.

I hope my review draws you back into your story and further chapters. In the beginning, the writing was good. Stick with that voice and continue. The story is worth the effort.

Respectfully reviewed by
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9
9
Review of love's face  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Tamzin Morton

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This story might be better presented as a poem. Grammatical mistakes should be easy to overcome. I'll leave a few thoughts with you. Overall, the work has no special meaning, only an outpouring to demonstrate what this person stands for. Safety and trust, correct?

A reader must be captured in the first few lines, not tripping over mistakes. The first sentence is missing the word (the).
His eyes are blue like sea...

I like the remainder of the sentence, it created a vivid picture in my my theater-mind.

The next sentence is also incorrect. Try using a period after (him). The next part should read: When he kisses me I'm under his spell, not:
when he kiss me I'am under

In the last sentence (I) is not capitalized. The sentence is almost a run-on that steals the final expression of love and safety.

I feel as if you're a teen, but when I checked your bio, it wasn't filled out.

Everyone makes mistakes. Your work could be easily edited so it will shine. Thanks for sharing the story with the community.


Respectfully reviewed by
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10
10
Review of self-delusion  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mindcrime

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Thanks for the explanation at the top. I'm saddened because of the lost love you've experienced. I'm a bit confused, so I have a few questions.

In the first stanza, you're together with your love, but metaphorical thunder indicates red flags that require consideration. I believe in the next two lines, they've already left you, but hope is still hanging around. Perfectly understandable.

The second stanza has a different rhyming scheme, which interrupted the flow. Should (chase) be (chasing)?

The words show the long wait, still hoping, although denying the fact that
they are not returning.

The third stanza wasn't clear to me. Are you back together with them and trying to ride it out? In the final stanza, reality is accepted. The last stanza frustrated me. Once a relationship is ended, the best response is apathy, rather than asking the person if they are unable to move on, due to the insecurity.

Overall, the theme is prevailing sadness. I like the 'idea' behind the poem. Losing love can make a person desperate. Forgive my questions. It is not my intention to shoot down your work.


Respectfully reviewed by
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11
11
Review of Apathy  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi romance_junkie.

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Where to start? First, I have to admit that I must be sexist. Until I read the part where the attorney was wearing heels, I assumed the lawyer was a man.

Your writing is calm and engrossing. Whatever her name is, she's well-defined by her words and inner thoughts. She's professional and struggles with maintaining neutrality. I didn't buy this guy's act from the beginning. There was only mention of bruises on his arms (striped) not (stripped) to indicate abuse. More likely, they came from the wife fighting him off.

In the story, the reader knows the bad guy is in prison, not in her office, so this sentence needs correction.
Not with him in the office following me with his eyes.

This is an overly long sentence that fits the lawyer's style, but it could be more concise.
Impress upon that woman the next time I see her my displeasure at being sent me such a long-odds case.

Towards the end, the fear of being with this man goes beyond his strange apathy. The description of his smile confirmed my suspicions. The conclusion was brutal and disturbing, but not unexpected.

Please help the reader by increasing the font size. Also, at times it appears as if there is no spacing between the end of one sentence and the next.

Your writing style is original and fresh. Descriptions pop up that are unexpected and expertly penned. Well done.


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12
12
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Espero I found your item while cruising through random reviewing.

*Vine1* *Star*
I hope my favorite line won't be a spoiler. I chose to highlight it so readers would wonder exactly what was in her collection.

“You will fit in nicely with the rest of my collection.”


*Vine2*
The title and cover art caught my eye. Key words like 'debutante' and lallygag' were words common to this era. Readers were settled into the scene from the beginning.

The characters were clearly defined. The first sentence leads the reader to assume Alicia would be the star of the show. But then shade was cast upon Martha. It seemed only her audacity brought out disdain, but the conclusion twist showed us just how much she was capable of. Her shade was well-deserved.

Through vivid descriptions, I could imagine living in Valley View Manor, thinking how easy life would be with all the staff handling the boring stuff. I've always wanted to live in this era.

The prompt words were easily slipped into the plot. I only noticed them because the contest required those words to be written in bold font. Great work!

*Vine1*
The staff is never to be underestimated, though. If a person wants information, talk to the chef, the butler, or the footman. Since none of these nouns are names, none have to be capitalized.

*Questiong*
Suggestions
A semicolon may be used if both sides of the sentence are complete.
Soon guests arrived and were assisted by the Footman; announced by the Butler.

I enjoyed reading this vivid little slice of a larger scene.


Respectfully reviewed by,
Nixie

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13
13
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Mike~Dolphins Fan 4 Life

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I noticed the majority of your poems dealt with lost love. I chose this one because the title appealed to me. The brief description mirrored the title.

The rhyming scheme was delightful, making the reading of the poem pleasurable, despite the topic. You've masterfully captured the many emotions that follow the aftermath of a broken relationship.

I liked the consistent punctuation throughout that guided me and maintained the rhythm.

The concluding line had a double meaning for me. Since she? left him? no one was leaving love behind. The person who was abandoned was no longer loved. Maybe he/she still had feelings for the one who left. Love is complicated.

All the stanzas were heartfelt and haunting. What struck me was the line about hiding one's heart. Sometimes that's the safest thing to do. That's what I did. I moved on in a different way. I no longer wanted to be in any relationship. The circle of love was shattered. Since I was the one who left, there was no more love to leave behind.

Congrats on the win. It is well-deserved.

Respectfully reviewed by
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14
14
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lobelia is truly blessed

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I knead the ache and miss you.

Enraptured by your words, I'm stunned into silence. Let's see what happens if I start typing.

The overall mood is sad and melancholy. Tragedy in a specific way. Each stanza evokes a unique response, all with carefully crafted creative wording. I can't even pick a favorite line or stanza, no matter how many times I've read this. If I had to choose, the third stanza appealed to me the most, especially the last line.

Since one of the genres is parenting you must have lost a child. Your poem was crafted so long ago, I hope no ache is inflicted upon you with my words. Losing someone, no matter the circumstances—expected or unexpected— creates a hole. In my experience, the hole is eventually filled with memories, and if we're intuitive, we can still sense the presence of a lost one.

My only observation is the capitalization of the first word of every line, especially if the thought is a continuous one. Of course, this is the author's largess,or artistic license, as some phrase it.

My sister died when she was only 30 years old. My parents didn't speak her name for ten years. I think about what it would be like to lose a child, and I would be devastated. How does anyone come back from that?

I hope penning your emotions was cathartic, a gift we writers have.


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15
15
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi winklett           Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
With 62 reviews honoring this piece, I wondered if one more would be meaningful. After I finished reading this, the story spoke to me. So, if nothing else, you'll have to endure a few of my experiences.

*Bookstack*
From beginning to end, your story played out in ever-increasing tension. It can be a challenge to present a character with double obstacles, but you pulled this off flawlessly.

Having experienced the whole 'leave your kid in the play area' I know exactly what that feels like, and your thoughts mirrored mine. One, the MC (I didn't see a name) has to hand over her son to someone else, hoping there's nothing to set him off. Good thinking, not allowing him to see you leaving. Sometimes that works, other times I've felt bad. What if they suddenly freak out when they look around and see I'm gone.

This was a precursor to the main event. Add both together and it all adds up to time slowing, waiting. Taking care of oneself while worrying about someone else. Not fun.

*Bookstack*
My ex had a leaky eye once. Tears poured down his cheeks while he waited for an appointment. He survived the needle in your eye experience, while I was grossed out. The needle went in and out several times before my ex declared, "I can taste the dead sea in my mouth."

Docs and their bedside manners matter. Every once in a while, I meet up with a doctor who is the same as your fictional one(?)—not reassuring in any way and acting bored.

Your story stuck home and I liked reading it. The second paragraph was my favorite.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

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16
16
Review of Tooth Monster  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Odessa Molinari I found your item while cruising through random reviewing.

*Vine1*
Great job depicting a child's experience at the dentist's office. I feel exactly the same way, albeit knowing what's going to happen. Most adults dread teeth cleaning due to a bad childhood experience. That's what the dental hygienist told me, after I said that sharp instruments don't belong near soft tissue.

*Vine2*
Oh, the noise. There's nothing like hearing the sound of that drill. The boy's reactions were spot-on. Good luck talking with instruments in your mouth.

You captured his experience with fantastic inner dialogue. I liked his inner dialogue imagining he was about to be tortured the best sentence, overall. Everything felt so real, and it was easy to empathize with the little guy. It's rough being a kid, and I admit to feeling a bit put out by the person holding him down. That would kick me over the hill of terror. It's totally understandable and necessary, but being restrained is frightening.

I wasn't fond of the full caps for BIG!

*Vine1*
I always explained to my kids what was going to happen at the doctor's office. This is a fantastic story for a child who is going to the dentist for the first time. With a bit of explanation, a mom could read this story before that first visit. Better yet, the dentist could have this story in book form situated on a table in the waiting room.

Respectfully reviewed by,
Nixie

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17
17
Review of When I Am Gone  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi medea

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What a lovely poem. Due to the fact that this is a personal item makes it difficult to review. I have opinions and observations that shouldn't offend.

At first glance, the title made me think that someone had died. Rather, this seems to be a break-up piece. It can be hard to let go. So here's where I got confused. Stanza five felt like a switch in POV. Or maybe another line is required for the transition from the second to the third line.

Remember to capitalize the (I)—see the third line in the last paragraph. I'm not the comma queen by any means, but the last line (which was outstanding) read better without the comma. I concede to the author's largess.

I'm sorry for the sadness the split generated in your life. By now, I'm guessing that the initial sting is gone and you've moved on.

Respectfully reviewed by
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18
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Review of A Flicker of Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi jdennis01jaj

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The first paragraph should be the attention gatherer, but I was confused. I tried picturing cloud cover at night that hid the moon and starlight, but could not. It took me a few minutes to realize 'limbs' meant tree limbs. At first I thought he was running in a long-legged stride. Two sentences in that paragraph are run-ons—the third not quite as running as the fourth.

Much of the tension is robbed due to those sentences. As a secondary observation, most of the sentences that follow are run-ons. The speed is needed to heighten the fear, maybe that's why you wrote in such a manner.

Second paragraph, last two lines: Hideous is used twice as a descriptor.

speaking to me of a presence unknown
Maybe my imagination is taking a nap. I kinda-sorta understand the meaning behind the intent, but rewording might be a better option.

I thought the ending was a let-down, similar to when an author ends the story by waking their character from a dream. Considering the brief description, I've never been in a situation like this. I guess the MC's imagination is running amok.

For further reference, the genre should always be the first choice, not 'contest entry' especially since the contest isn't mentioned.

My favorite line *Heartb*
Terror rises within my heart like a drum, thumping inside my ear.

Happy writing!

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19
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for entry "I am a Dragonfish" Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angelica Weatherby- NaNo 15000 Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

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*Bulletr*
I liked your poem, even without understanding it at first. I went off on a Google search and found the information regarding a dragon fish. They are creepy looking fish, and I could barely stand to look at the images. I also checked Violet Goby because the name was interesting. Now I'm educated.

*Bulletr*
You handled the prompt well. Every stanza explained more about the fish. I felt a little sad because it only eats what comes to it.

I was also thinking about how the fish applied to humankind. Why? Because the last line had me thinking about people who can adapt to any situation vs. others that struggle over the same obstacle.

Everything in our world is carbon based, so what's the problem comparing a fish to a person. I am a little bit whimsical that way.

There was no punctuation anywhere, which is fine. I liked the smooth read. Others have made the suggestion regarding my poetry, so I'll mention it here. There's always the consideration of using a period after the last line.

This was a fun piece to read because I like learning new things.

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Review of Awakening  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi AddledThinker

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I was drawn to this piece because meditation is part of my daily life. It can be difficult to still the mind, though. I always ask for a guide, which could be anything, for example, a horse sometimes a person...that's all I can think of right now. Meditations are enlightenment achieved, but it's an internal communication and not always remembered.

I enjoyed reading about your technique and where your meditations transported you. Several locations are tucked away in my mind. Sometimes, I tire of my mind taking me over and over to the same place.

You mentioned breathing, which is an integral part of meditation. I don't like to think about doing that. Rather, it comes naturally as my meditation begins. I'm also careful to state my intentions. I allow only light and positivity to enter me. Thus, I avoid any negative results as stated in the last line. I've never experienced fear.

I like it when writers share their personal experiences. It's an opportunity for me to reflect. I can't believe I'm saying this, because it's always the opposite. I wish for less white space.

Well, that was a fascinating piece to review. Happy Anniversary!


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21
21
Review of Knowing  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Myles Abroad

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I chose this story because of the title. I figured it would be easy to relate to, as everyone has to shop. Well, now I only shop online, which is similarly frustrating.

Anyhow, great introductory paragraph. Her appearance is established with one word. Waddled. The husband's voice in her head is convincing. I couldn't help thinking of all the voices in my head when I write, wondering what question readers might ask.

Back to the story--Ugh. People can be so rude. I've been on both sides. Sometimes I'm stuck behind someone who is contemplating bread, and I know exactly what I want, only they are blocking me. I wouldn't reach over, but I would say 'excuse me.'

We learn more about the husband as the plot unrolls. Ellen encounters women who allow her to comment on their appearance and think about Harry's reaction to them.

I wondered what 'peachy-lavender' aroma that Ellen can't afford meant. She must be talking about perfume, but that wasn't clear. Later, the woman shows up, getting in the way again. People who jump lines are just plain mean.

That happened to me once. I was so frustrated, I called out the woman. Her response? "Everyone does it." She had a kid with her. I couldn't resist pushing the transgression issue further. "Is that what you're teaching your child?"

Blond laughing curls face me
You could hyphenate this so it's clear the woman is laughing at her, not the curls.

I strangle the steering
Did you mean to write: strangle the steering (wheel)?

Poor Ellen when she reaches the revelation. Harry sounds like a crummy guy, and I can't imagine anyone else wanting him. So, the evil woman is blocking Ellen and she runs over her? Does the woman die? Or did Ellen only crunch the vehicle?

Interesting plot, with some great phrasing embedded.


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22
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Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Walkinbird 3 Jan 1892

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The title of this sample was a big draw. I wish I'd read the brief description before embarking on the journey. One of the reasons it was overlooked was due to the beginning paragraph. I lived in Mohawk Valley.

Although the house was newly built, it was haunted. I can bear witness because all my siblings and my parents heard strange noises. When they investigated, no one was there.

Later, we learned the house had been built on a sacred Native American graveyard. It still bothers me that we disturbed those spirits.

Consider paragraphing that large block of text near the conclusion. The story is off-balance. I notice these things because I often do the same.

The ending of that paragraph was disturbing, but perhaps necessary for the plot.

Your writing is graceful and intriguing. So many times, I paused to read a section again, merely for the uplifting experience.

We all have our own stories. That final sentence hit home. Great write, and Happy Anniversary.


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23
23
Review of I hate commas  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lightspeed555

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I had to read this because my thought is to abolish commas. Not that we don't need them; I don't like them because I can spend too much time wondering where or if a comma is required. What a dream to write without them. We are united in our hatred.

The conversation with the entity made me laugh. Personification is one of my favorite ways to write. That's all I wrote as a kid.

I've taken comma lessons, when we had one onsite long ago. It was tedious but helpful. Too bad I forgot it all.

Grammarly is a resource I've never tried, but I've heard it can be helpful. Or maybe at one time I accepted the 'trial period' only to find the dang program followed me wherever I was writing. So intrusive!

Consider changing the title using capital letters.
I Hate Commas.

This is the AI overview I googled to make sure my comment wasn't misleading.

*AsteriskG* "In title case, major words are capitalized and most minor words are lowercase."

Your poorly written example demonstrated the pitfalls one may encounter. That was one rough ride! I feel relieved when a writer has used them sparingly.

Thanks for the smile your words sent my way.


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Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, cheshire I found your item while cruising through random reviewing.


*Vine1*
I hesitated to read this, knowing what memories would be evoked. Only a few years ago, we put my dad to rest. Some memories are hazed over to protect my mind. Others, like the dress I wore and the military son at my side are stark.

*Vine2*
Some find peace in a cemetery, something I've never experienced. For me, dead is dead. However, your haunting words gave me pause, and they rang true. In all honesty, I read this over twice, the second time more quickly to sidestep my emotions.

*Vine1*
In the fifth stanza, I didn't understand how we could be beside them. No doubt I started at the coffin, but my dad was gone. Not entirely though. He remained in my mind.

I'm sorry to cut this review short. The words and rhythm are too overwhelming. I don't like thinking about that particular day. Please take that as a compliment. I haven't felt so moved by something I've read in a long time. Great job.

Respectfully reviewed by,
Nixie

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Review of Cry! Cry! Cry!  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie🦊 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean It'sa WrapY'all Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
The Chattanooga Choo-Choo, huh? I remember that song so clearly, even if the story wasn't about that specific tune. What a wonderful first sentence, using onomatopoeia to secure the scene. The character and conflict was established in the first paragraph.

*Bookstack*
Nice play on words in the 5th paragraph. At first I wondered if likker was a misspell, but it sounds like the specific dialogue to the porter. And I agree with him. I don't even consider wine a 'drink' although it's a prop in nearly every show. The alcohol content is ridiculously low.

*Bookstack*
Rather than generalizing her smell, her touch, why not add a few adjectives so the reader can experience the sensations. What specifically did she smell like, and what was her touch like? I'm thinking 'gardenias' and 'gentle.' Gardenias is such a weird choice, but that's what came immediately to mind.

The passing scenes created a mood of loneliness. It is sad how the farms were abandoned as society 'progressed'. That word is in quotes because we're not progressing, we're destroying.

The video link is no longer available, but I didn't need to hear the song because the story was the song. I guess it's natural for the poor guy to hope Delia is crying. The worst part of breaking up a marriage is still feeling for the other. A true breakup entails having no feelings at all towards the one a person is leaving. No animosity at all.

Crying is a catalyst for healing, although the tears do tend to soak a pillowcase.

A Choo-Choo train and the clackety, clack made me feel forlorn. Great job creating a mood.



Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

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