I really like this whole story idea. I think too, that there is a good amount of "showing" verses "telling" at the right time. I like the comparison too, that explains why this idea might work (with the peanut butter cookies example).
I like the blurb under the title. Not as funny as the very first story I read, but still humorous and definitely made me want to see what this story was all about.
This story like the previous two I read are short. I MAINLY enjoy reading non-fiction. I read very little fiction. but when I do, my absolute favorite types to read, are books with short chapters. The reason is because I can read a little, or a lot, and feel like I stopped at the end of a scene. So, I'm a huge fan of short fiction.
the only thing I found that needed actual correction was the story is missing a quotation mark. The sentence starts out with:
"How is that even possible?... and goes on from there.
That was pretty much it. Out of the three stories I read to far, this is a strong second.
this being my SECOND ever story that I've read on this site (and second from you as well), I have to admit I felt a bit cheated with the second half of the story where Cassy is being put on the spot and comes up with her excuse. From that point forward I feel like there should have been something different there.
I feel like I understand the point of how and why Cassy reacted like she did and her mothers reaction to it, but it seems like maybe something was missing as far as how Cassy responded and what she responded with. like, she was quick to joke around with what at first appeared to be a serious matter.
Cassy seemed genuinely worried about getting caught. but when she was caught, she didn't seem to try to play it off, or come up with a somewhat plausible excuse. Even though she is bad at lying, I think she just gave up when she was found. And her mom didn't really seem to mind either (in the end).
Just my thoughts on why I felt a bit cheated half way through. I look forward to reading more (but not tonight - it's late)
This is the very first piece of work I've read on the site, and this was really, really good! The little synopsis under the title is what drew me to read this. I found it quite funny! I enjoyed the length of the story as well. It's obvious that this isn't your first stab at writing.
I felt like I could picture a cafeteria in high school and sort of empathize with Samson. How it felt to be in her shoes.
I really don't see any improvements needed in this story. But I highly enjoyed it and look forward to future writings.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nkordus
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:45pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
