A recurring nightmare is introduced but it doesn't go anywhere. A protagonist's terrible childhood is introduced and then it's never heard from again. The story draws one in but founders badly at the end. There is a lot of very good material to build on here. This tale of a homeless couple making it together is a wonderful romance in the making.
I didn't detect any noticeable grammatical or spelling errors.
Nicely done! Thank you for allowing me to review your work.
A lovely ode to rocks. I especially liked the ending where the undeniable majesty of the boulders that harbor the planet's flora and fauna is declared. The wordplay was chosen well. I can find no grammatical or spelling errors.
Well done! Thank you for allowing me to review your work.
This doesn't appear to be children's poetry since children wouldn't understand the concept of paying rent. Reconsider the chosen genre for one that is aimed at teenagers and young adults. The mature themes in the poem would be better suited for that crowd.
The pain of loss and failure is powerful. There is no optimism in the poem. A very good depiction of resignation and defeat. This poem really does bring me down. Not sure if that's good or bad. It has, however, made me think deeply about what I have read.
This is an interesting beginning to supernatural tale. It will need more work, though, to flesh out the details and capture the reader's attention. Don't stop now. Your readers will want to learn why the demon chose to take Judge Casel's soul.
It has a tongue it cannot use, so the poem gives voice to the hard-working, selfless shoe from its own perspective. The poem clearly emotes the thankless sacrifice the shoe makes for its oblivious wearer.
Well done! Thank you for allowing me to review your work.
The wordplay does a very good job of conveying the mood--the excitement, the festivity--of a county fair. One can "hear" the sounds of the crowd, the hawkers, the rides in the poem.
One edit:
Sheep and cows and pies and bread[s]
reap the glory, ribbons bright.
Asleep, the toddlers nod their head[s],
deep in dreamland for the night.
...because the "toddlers" have more than one "head."
This is a charming recollection of a childhood memory. More focus on the tossing and turning and fidgeting on the nights when Auntie Lily would come to visit would add even more piquancy to the tale. Giving the reader more examples of the complications of sharing a bed with Auntie Lily would provide a very good lead up to the tale of the inevitable collapsing bed. There's clearly a lot of good material to mine here.
This poem reads like a song, a blues ballad accompanied with a sad acoustic guitar. A hint of bitter betrayal lies just beneath the surface. Did a friendship end because a friend failed to provide sufficient warning of the oncoming train? The depth of anger over a long-lost friend can still be felt.
I enjoyed the wordplay in this poem. It painted a charming picture of the wonder of a well-loved environment. The recitation of the market's wares took me to that scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle sings and dances her way through her village's market stalls, greeting her neighbors as she goes. Illustrations would only add to the winsomeness.
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