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249 Public Reviews Given
249 Total Reviews Given
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I am not an expert reviewer, but I have some small amount of talent in the field of writing. I will not edit your work, but typos, grammar mistakes, etc. will be pointed out if I see them. I will give you my impression of your work, encourage you, and do my best to review the work.
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Short stories and
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Novels.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Attic  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)

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         Happy WdC anniversary.

         Hello penshadow,
. . .liked your handle, and the title of this item, The Attic, so . . .

My interpretation

The Attic . . .a good concept, likening an attic to the mind, describing a real attic, but also portraying the description of said attic to the cobwebs, memories, self-images and all the things which dwell in your mind.
. . . great writing. Write on.

Regards, jackson

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2
2
Review of Hurt  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)


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         Here I am, staring at ten little words . . . do these ten words mean anything to me? Are they a message from heaven or hell? Are they ugly? Are they beautiful? These questions ask themselves of me as I think, How will I review ten little words? There is no answer coming to me as I sit here . . .

Hello Wild Moon,
Happy WdC account anniversary.


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Your item, Hurt stands there on this page, looking at me, daring me to review it . . . I think, Maybe, a cup of coffee will bring me the words. I get up, go down to the kitchen and make myself one. Then, here I am again, waiting for the words to speak. But, these words have no vocal cords, and in an audible voice, they are speechless. I look at them from the right and from the left, turn them upside down and peer into them . . . Maybe, if I wrote them out myself?

         The one
         Who
         Hurt her
         The most
         Was
         Always herself

Now, I am beginning to see . . . these words hold truth, wisdom, and many other things which words can grab onto and hold. And as I sit here, they open up their mouth and tell me they are beautiful . . . and I know it is true.
Beautiful


Regards, jackson
3
3
Review of Rose Lips  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)


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Hi Maribel is a Dancing Poet,
Happy WdC anniversary. Another year . . .

The rose fascinates me, smells so good. I like your poem about the rose. It has just the right words as a gift to the rose. It tinkles across the page, trailing its scent of rhymes . . . A sweet poem, made sweeter by each petal.
Good work!

Regards, jackson

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4
4
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)


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Hello Sanveda,

It's a lovely story I just finished reading . . . And She Disappeared. It's about the loss of friend, the hurt, the surprise, the disbelief. Yes, it really hurts our hearts when one we have given our friendship to becomes a ghost.

In your story, you meet a little girl at the park. She's vivid in your memory, you can call up a photograph of her in your mind. After a while you became best friends, chatting, visiting and enjoying your companionship. You shared your secrets with her.

But the day came, that day of realization . . . It was like any other day at first, but when you went to the park to meet her, she wasn't there. You waited and waited, but she never came. She never came again . . .

You still feel the hurt of the heart, a heart which longs for someone.

It's a good story. Keep on writing.

Suggestions

One thing I wll pass on to you concerns the conjunction but. When you use but in a sentence, and it is joining two independent clauses, two clauses which on their own could be a complete sentence because they contain a subject, a verb and an action, you need to put a comma before but.

Regards, jackson


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5
5
Review of Lost Without You  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi Sum1's Home,

Beautiful poetry . . .

For the group signatures
My interpretation


Lost Without You. In the sand, a few words sketched. Now, his fret has quieted. His countenance is at peace. His love told of, his anxiety quilted, he walks tall again.

Not righteous, but God-fearing, a man pleads. Whether heard or ignored, his words carry within them the thoughts of his heart. He is confident again, for he has talked to God.

Comments

Mixed with the sand in which it was written, a sweet rhythm flows in these words of, Lost Without You. The heart of true love is written in the sand; in time, the words may wash away, but words, once written will never fade.

Great poem . . . the man knows he can once more write. The words behind him in the sand is his evidence.

Suggestions

No suggestions necessary . . .


Regards, jackson

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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


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         Good morning, Princess Megan Rose,

What a wonderful story, The Kitten Who Wanted a Home, is.

My interpretation

It's lovely, in it, you write of Tigger, a young kitten whose desire is to have a little girl of her own. Tigger, although her heart is torn, leaves her mother to wander through the forest in search of the wish of her heart.

Along the way, she has several misadventures with a dog, a squirrel and an adult mother cat. In the end, little Tigger finds the hope of her heart. A little girl to love and cherish her. And granted on top of that, the little girl has fourteen like-minded friends and four nuns who will cherish Tigger at the Angel Guardian Orphanage where she now lives.

On another day, Tigger's mother is also found and brought to the orphanage. Tigger and her mother are estatic . . .

Comments

It's a sweet story, well-written, full of compassion and the grit and determination of Tigger, the kitten who wanted a home.

For the group signatures

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



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          Congrats on being a member of WdC another year. Enjoy your time here.

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         In this review, I will edit the first eight lines of your story, The Taste of Revenge. I hope this helps . . .

It's a good story, but it needs to be edited more meticulously. Take your time . . .

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Second line: Usually, is introducing what will happen next. It needs a comma after it, then proceed to say what happened. Delete the second usually in the same sentence.

Third sentence: I sighed got out of bed . . .

I sighed, and got out of bed are two separate actions. Separate them by adding a comma after, I sighed

Fourth sentence: . . . my dads car, needs to show possession, add apostrophe, my dad's car.

Fifth sentence: Why is it so quiet in the house I thought to myself.

Put these words in italics and add a question mark, Why is it so quiet in the house? Delete I thought to myself because the italics tells the reader you are thinking.

Seventh sentence: Well it is raining I reminded myself . . .

Well is an introductory word for the whole sentence. A comma needs to come after it.

It is raining and I reminded myself, are two actions, they need to be separated by a comma after it is raining.

Well, it is raining, I reminded myself.

Eighth sentence: Well what about my sister my thoughts continued......why didn't I hear her about?

Add a comma after well. Add a comma after sister. Delete ......my thoughts continued.


The sentence should look like this: written in italics.

Well, what about my sister, why didn't I hear her about?

Edit along these examples, and the story will shine. I hope this helps.

Regards, jackson


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8
8
Review of My Ghost Town  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)


         Hello Kirsty McCall,

I'm jackson, stopping by to review your poetry. Congratulations on another year here at WdC.

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I agree with you, it's somewhat of a dark nature, but a light will shine for you one day. Hang in there, we all have moments of darkness. One light that maybe you haven't noticed, is the shine of your words on paper.

Suggestion

In the third line . . . This town I've lived for many years, the line is better if you say, In this town I've lived for many years. Just a suggestion.

The other lines dance across the eyes in a fine manner, carrying along with them, rhythm, gloom, determination and will. Good work. My favorite lines are: Like guardians of the gloom and Or with my soul I'll pay.

Regards, jackson

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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

It's the anniversary of the month you first joined WdC.

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Happy account anniversary.

         Hello I dunno,

I know it's an idea for a future story, and I encourage you to go ahead with it, it's great. Laying out the background and introducing the main character, as you have, is a positive.

For those who read this review, the story is about a boy. Well, he used to be boy. Some evil doctor experimented on him and now he's a monster.

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My suggestions

I'll look over the entire piece and make suggestions one by one.

In the fourth sentence, which is: One day in the past he had seen a monster, and it captivated him. It needs to be: One day in the past, he had seen a monster, and it captivated him. You need a comma after, One day in the past, because it's an introduction to the rest of the sentence . . . an introductory phrase which introduces the main part of the sentence.

Hey, it looks like I have only the one suggestion, great work . . . Write on.

Regards, jackson

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10
10
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)


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Hello Adore 21 Yrs Jan 8th lol,

Happy WdC anniversary. Twenty one years is a long time. Your puzzle, South Dakota girl, is great. Although, it's still puzzling me . . . I used to do a few crossword puzzles in the newspaper, about a hundred years ago, lol.

As usual, I picked out a few words right away, then your skill at hiding the words stumped me . . . But, I'll be back!

You have put together a great puzzle. It's bright and easy to see on the page. I enjoyed playing around with it.

Again, happy account anniversary.

Regards, jackson

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11
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Review of Sawdust Parker  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (2.5)


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Hello toganknight,
In this review, since you asked for any kind of help, I will focus on puncuation, structure and grammar. I will try to pinpoint what you need . . .

First of all, it's a good story. I enjoy reading western stories.

         Punctuation and spelling

In the first paragraph, you need a space between the quotation marks and the word he. In the last sentence of the paragraph, the sentence needs to be terminated with a period.

In the second paragraph, the sentence, The bartender glanced Hal up and down.

Glanced means, a quick look, an unobserving look.

The sentence should be, The bartender looked Hal up and down. In the same paragraph, The Thin man's face . . . Thin does not need to begin with a capital letter.

In the fourth paragraph . . . filled with Cigar smoke, needs to be, filled with cigar smoke. Also, there games, needs to be, their games.

In the fifth paragraph, this sentence . . . "You can always turn back son." It needs to be . . . "You can always turn back, son."

In the seventh paragraph, Cheyenne is misspelled; you spelled it, Cheyanne.

In the eighth paragraph, piano does not need to be capitalized;
it's a common word.

In the eleventh paragraph, The burly iron left off howling fiery blast . . . needs to be, The burly iron left off a howling fiery blast . . . Personally, I would replace the word left, with set. The burly iron set off a howling fiery blast . . .

In the final paragraph, West does not need to begin with a capital letter. Where his rode would take him, needs to be, where his road would take him.

         Structure

Each line of the story needs to be filled with words, it is not customary to have only one or two words on a line of text, unless you are beginning a new paragraph. One or two words of a sentence should not be on one line, with the rest of the line blank, then continuing the sentence on the next line.

I hope this helps; keep on writing, it will come to you.

Regards, jackson

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12
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Review of By the Roadside  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)



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Hi Northern Lights,

'Scattered memories along the roadside,' I like your choice of words in the brief description of your item, By the Roadside.

I see it's the month you opened your WdC account, enjoy your time here, and write some more as good as By the Roadside.

In your work, By the Roadside, you tell the tale of a mother's sorrow, her desperation, her love which will always cling to her dead son, and finally, her realization.

My interpretation


She stops the car beside the white cross along the roadside. Not wanting to get out, she sits there. Hesitantly, she steps out of the car, her sorrow and anguish overcame for these few steps. A thought might have creeped into her mind, This is where my son died, why am I searching for him here? But she moves forward, with hope in her heart. Her eyes focus on a few scattered objects, one by one, she picks them up.

. . . a photo, dyed by the sun, her son's face still visible. Another, still untouched, with a girl, holding hands. She touches the wilted flowers fastened to the cross, and smells the fresh ones.

Now, she realizes her search is over. She has found he son. If there is a place where her son lingers, she knows she has stood upon it today, and will stand upon it many times in the future.

It's a good story . . . the only suggestion I have is: It would be great if you incorporated some of her thoughts into this, but it's also great as it it.

Regards, jackson

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13
13
Review of Crossing Over  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)


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         Hello Dave,

Plot

You set the story up well, by having the corpse of a woman found by a man walking his dog. Readers are pulled into the scene, wondering what's going to happen as the story develops.

Body of story

Nine months later, the husband of the deceased, hears a knock on his door. When he opens the door, his dead wife is standing there. She has crossed over from the other side. After some back and forth trading of barbs, he is informed that the crossed-over woman plans on taking him with her when she returns. She kills him . . . Knowing he had killed her, she dealt out apt punishment, if you ask me.

Comments

It's a fine story, with the interaction beween the spirit and her once husband supplying horror, suspense and action.

Punctuation

I noticed one little error in punctuation; in the third paragraph from the bottom, you have a quote within a quote. 'Til death do us part,' You used double quotation marks at the beginning of the quote, and a single quotation mark at the end. It needs single quotation marks . . . write on.

Regards, jackson
14
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Rated: E | (3.5)



Hey Patrick,
It's the anniversary month of your becoming a member of WdC. Have a good day. I noticed your story and decided to send you a review. It's a good story, I enjoyed reading it. Any suggestions I make in this review are mean to be helpful.

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                   Punctuation

In your third paragraph, "Hello" I said. needs to be, "Hello," I said.

In the fifth paragraph, the sentence beginning, Went to each others houses . . . lacks a subject, or the one who is doing the action. It needs to be, We went to each others houses . . .

In one sentence you capitalized Coffee in the middle of a sentence. In the middle of a sentence, coffee should use lowercase letters, unless it's a brand named coffee.

He lit one of the firecrackers and tossed it to the side and yelled "watch out" should be, Her lit one of the firecrackers, tossed it to the side and yelled, "Watch out!"

                   Comments

The errors above are all I noticed down to this point, but there are more below this point.

                   Suggestions

The method I use when writing is this: I write a paragraph, then check it for any errors, correct them, write another paragraph and repeat the process. I find this method eliminates 99.9% of errors. Try it . . .

Overall, it's a good story, with editing, it would be much better.

Regards, jackson

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15
15
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Good morning elizjohn,

From the history genre list on Writing.Com, I noticed this work of yours. It's beautiful, and adding the fact that it is a poem created from true-life happenings, makes it a few sad words depicting horrors humans inflict upon each other.

I read it aloud, it sounds very good when read that way. It unfolds between its lines, examples of inhumanities black people have suffered. No one in their right mind, can treat any human in the manner some black people were treated.

It's hard to describe the sound of your poem when read aloud; its rhythem , to me, is somewhat similar to a scattering of raindrops dropping steadily on a tin roof. Softly at one point, then firmer in the next. It shines! Thank you for sharing this with us readers.

Suggestions

The worst sin someone can commit when writing a review, is to offer suggestions for improvement of the work if none are needed, instead, I offer congratulations. Well done.

Regards, jackson

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16
16
Review of Kansas is Waiting  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)

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Hi Relanka,
I encountered your story here on Writing.Com. It's great. It's short, sweet and deals with the relationship between a young man, Joshua, and a young woman, Sarah. They are to meet and go away together to Kansas. But as the young man approaches the place of their meeting, all he finds to welcome him is a note, left by the one he thought was his true love. he reads it, as he does so, despair, anger and disappointment fill his heart.

Her words on the note explain everything, telling him she's sorry but she can't go through with it. In that moment, he realizes she is still Daddy's girl. He crumples the paper, tosses it, and with her already forgotten, sets off to where Kansas is waiting.

                   Spelling:

In the second paragraph where you say . . . holding tight to everything he owed, owed should be owned.



Regards, jackson


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17
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Review of The Train Riders  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


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Hi RjWaller,

Happy WdC accouny anniversary.
The Train Riders, your story, was an exhilarating story to read. From its lines, and from between its lines, I sort of experienced the trials these men went through while riding the train. The old breed of riders, the hobos, have kind of faded away with the twilight. You don't hear news of them anymore. Somewhere, in the lonely depths of despair and adventure, I am certain they still exist. As long as there are trains and rails leading somewhere, there they will be.

I enjoyed your tale of uncertainty, of danger waiting to grasp the life of these men and crush it, of the highs and lows of their day to day lives. Your presentation, story structure and punctuation was professional . . . You're on the right track, great work.

Regards, jackson

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18
18
Review of First Cousins  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)

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Hello The Bearded Chieftain,
I offer you congratulations on being a member of Writing.Com another year. Your story, First Cousins, caught my eye as I was browsing WdC.

I enjoyed it, for one reason, because I have spent hours reseaching my family, for another, because it was done in a fine manner. I noted no errors in punctuation or grammar in this work, and offer only one suggestion for its improvement. It's a fine story telling of first cousins separated by generations. The elder cousin enlisted in the Army generations bfore his younger cousin, but the two ended up joining the same unit.

My suggestion is: When abbreviating the month of the year, as you did with Aug and Sept, a period should be added at the end of the abbreviation.

Regards, jackson

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19
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)


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Hello Landon St. John,
Congratulations on being with Writing.Com another year. Your item, The filthy apartment, is pretty good, sort of funny and is cohesive to the ears. There are not many places to offer suggestions for improvement, but I do have a couple.

My suggestions

The title of a piece of writing is important. Since it's the first thing a prospective reader sees, the ideal way to present it, is to begin all the important words with a capital letter.

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The important words in a title consist of all the words, with the exception of articles such as: and, a, the, and and. Also excepted are some prepositions such as: of. If any of the words just listed above are situated as the first word of a title, they should, of course, begin with a capital letter.

My impression

It was written well, expressed a dilemma and a reason for it. Keep on writing.

Regards, jackson

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Review of Passage to Heaven  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)

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Hello ThePaperMoon,
Congratulations on another year of being a Writing.Com member. Passage to Heaven, is a good title for your short poem. It was sweet, with your feelings expressed admirably, good job.

Suggestions

In your fourth line, I think a burst of firework should be, a burst of fireworks.

In the third line up from the last line, your the breeze under my wings should be, You're the breeze under my wings.

My conclusion

It flows reasonabley well, and switches chords along the way while making a sweet sounding little song. Write another . . .

Regards, jackson

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Rated: E | (4.5)


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Hello JCosmos,
Your description of Sam Adams is short, but it tells the reader many things. His age, his voice, his ethnic background, and his birthplace. We can, from your description, conjure up a figure of him almost like a photograph. The words you wrote look good on paper, and sound even better when read aloud. I liked your few words about the swamplands; a person can almost see an old black man trudging along through the swamp, every now and again, poking his stick in the water to assure he does not fall off his path into the jaws of a gator. Sometimes, he probably has a sharp stick to catch his gator supper for the next month. Well done, JCosmos. Keep it up . . .

Suggestion

In line four, you capitalized the Carolina part of South Carolina, but not South.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Worse Things  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)


         Hello dogwood212,
From a page in Anniversary Reviews, your name came up. Happy WdC account anniversary; I hope you have many more.
          I enjoyed reading your poem, Worse Things. It was great. Not only did it put before the reader tidbits of what life can be like, it possessed a melody throughout the lines, sort of like the song a robin might sing on an early morning.
         The structure of the lines melted into each other and produced appealing harmonies as the lines were read. There is nothing like free verse to dig into the heart of a writer and empty it of words left unsaid, but which needed saying. A short story could possibly do the same, but a short story can not produce a melody of words.

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You did a great job with this poem, always keep writing.

Regards, jackson

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Review of The hidden  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello SilverwindroseDragonMinstrel,
Happy WdC account anniversary.
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I noticed your statement about welcoming help with spelling, and that you have dyslexia. I have a few suggestions about your unfinished story, The Hidden.

Comments

Dyslexia must be a hard thing to overcome. Myself, I underwent chemotherapy, those chemicals kill not only lymphoma, which I had, but kill other, healthy cells. For a while, I found it necessary to call my grandchildren the kids. I couldn't recall their names. Enough about me . . . Your story, The hidden, you need to capitalize both words of the title, The Hidden. In your first sentence, suppose, should be supposed. By the I was raised, should be, By the way I was raised.

You need two commas in the second sentence, one after, Compared to some, and the other after, there was never a shortage of food . . .

In your second paragraph, the first word of the second sentence needs to begin with a capital letter, and mess should be changed to messy.

The first word of the third sentence should begin with a capital letter. After these words in the same sentence, animals don't care if are having a bad day, add a comma after day, and add the word, you. it needs to be, if you are having a bad day. Scritches needs to be scratches.

It the last sentence of the paragraph, the first word of the sentence needs to begin with a capital letter.

Further comments

I think most of the changes needed were caused by dyslexia, hang in there and always write. You are doing fine. I hope this review is helpful.

Regards, jackson

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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)

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         Hello Moarzjasac,
Happy WdC account anniversary. I enjoyed reading your story. You portrayed the young children very well.

         My Interpretation

Tommy, who's eleven years old, and his eight year old sister, Sylvia, are walking to their grandma's house because their parents have been killed. They meet a man whom they see beating an almost dead horse. They make a deal . . . The man will stop the beating, get another horse and give the kids a ride to their grandma's. While the man is gone to get a horse, the children manage to, through their compassion and kindness, resuscitate the horse. In the end, a sheriff and the man find the children and the horse on the way to grandma's. The man lies, wants them arrested, but the sheriff, after questioning the children, sees through his lies and knows the truth. The man is taken into custody and is on his way to learning a lesson in the ways of true human beings.

Comments

It's an exciting story, well written, with only a couple of minor issues. In the fifth paragraph, after the words, The devils on horseback left after setting everything on fire; house, barn, chicken house and even the outhouse. The semicolon needs to be a colon. A colon precedes a list of things, and is itself preceded by an independent clause when used in a sentence. In the title, all the words, except the article a, need to begin with a capital letter.

It's a great story.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Hawks With Sins  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)


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         This review is meant to be encouraging to the author, not criticizing in nature. At the same time, any errors in its presentation will be noted, and suggestions made for their improvement. I know a great amount of effort comes from each writer's heart to create their work, and I applaud that effort.

         Hello, quiet web,

I see from the page, Anniversary Reviews, that this month is the month of your anniversary of being a member of Writing.Com. Congratulations!



General comments:


Your item, Hawks With Sins . . . It's an eye-beckoning title, with many individual entries. The particular entry I am reviewing today is: Beginning of Tears. It is short, precise, and a snippet involving, The Hangman's Daughter.

Punctuation issues:


Your first sentence:

The Hangman's Daughter felt a hand roughly grasp her chin but she kept her eyes closed.

My suggestion: In this sentence, the word but connects two independent clauses, so a comma is necessary before but.

The next sentence:

She heard a gutteral voice say "leave her, she will be out for a while yet."

My suggestion:

A comma needs to be placed after these words: comma after say She heard a gutteral voice say comma because they serve as an introductory phrase introducing the rest of the sentence.

Leave needs to be capitalized, because it is the first word of a sentence of dialog. Like this: She heard a gutteral voice say, "Leave her, she will be out for a while yet."

Next sentence:

In this sentence, you wrote: a lilting voice said "no, she is only pretending."

For this sentence, you need to capitalize the first word, (a). A comma needs to come after (said) because it is an introductory phrase indicating someone will be speaking. Then, you need to capitalize the word no as it is the first word of a sentence of dialog. Like this: A lilting voice said, "No, she is only pretending."

Next sentence:

You need to capitalize (a), the beginning word of this sentence. a soft hand struck her hard across the face sending her head rocking to the side.

Conclusion:


These remarks are meant to be helpful; I hope they will be. Keep on writing! It's a sweet, little piece of work.

Regards, jackson

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