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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/notjackson
Review Requests: OFF
171 Public Reviews Given
171 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am not an expert reviewer, but I have some small amount of talent in the field of writing. I will not edit your work, but typos, grammar mistakes, etc. will be pointed out if I see them. I will give you my impression of your work, encourage you, and do my best to review the work.
I'm good at...
I do my best, whether I am good at it or not.
Favorite Genres
Action/adventure
Least Favorite Genres
Science fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and
Least Favorite Item Types
No least favorites.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
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1
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.

"Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window.

Hello Pennywise,
Happy account anniversary. I just finished reading your short story: The Tragedy of Aunty Ivy. I enjoyed the story. You developed a good plot, followed it through with plenty of action, and led it to a good resolution of the conflicts between the characters. I especially enjoyed how you dealt with the serial killer, seems he received just retribution from the spirits of his victims. And Aunty Ivy . . . even though she was in an urn on the mantlepiece, her ashes still settling comfortably into place, wrought revenge upon her killer by killing her in the same manner she was killed. Overall, I found the story to be a good read. Thanks for sharing your work.
Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

An "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. review.

Hello TheactualTreasure,

I hope you are enjoying your journey through the pages of Writing.Com, happy WdC account anniversary!

Let's see now, I came upon this beautiful title for a story today and here I am, sending you a review. The Girl Who Cried Fireflies is an apt name to crown the head of this story. To me, the story seems to be written quite well. As for it's punctuation, I noticed no errors.
The story holds within it, foremost, love and compassion. Along with these ingredients, a hefty measure of a well-developed plot, an unusual antagonist, (the drought) and a final resolution leads the reader along the path between the lines. I enjoyed reading your story, and I will offer one suggestion, which may, or may not, be helpful.

In the third paragraph you wrote: (One day, a terrible drought struck the village . . .) It might be better to say something like this: (The village was experiencing a devastating drought . . .)

The reason I suggest this, is because droughts develop over a period of time; a drought couldn't strike in one day. Overall, this is a good story.

Regards, jackson
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Review of The Spring Burn  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello Justin,
This review is coming to you through "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.
Happy WdC account anniversary.


First off, I can' believe I am the first to review this item. It's, for the reader of this review, a story mostly of Jim Griggs, a man living in Kansas, who takes it upon himself to make a homemade, tourist attraction.

Your story, The Spring Burn is one of the better stories I have read lately. It's written in a laid-back, down-to-earth style which appeals to me. It's hilarious without appearing to be trying to be. It's told and shown in a conversational manner. Great work!

Regards, jackson

A "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window. review.
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

An "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. review.

         Hi Detective,
Happy WdC account anniversary. I enjoyed reading your story, (Message in a Bottle.) I thought it was written well, with no rough points that might make a reader read a few lines again to clarify its meaning. I didn't comb over it with a fine tooth comb, but in my reading of the story, it seemed to have good grammar and punctuation. The plot was excellent, and overall, the story achieved what all stories want to be . . . a good story.

Regards, jackson
5
5
Review of Unicorns and Luck  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

An "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. review.

Hello KingsSideCastle,
Wishing you a happy WdC account anniversary . . . Your item (Unicorns and Luck) was a delightful tale to read. Within its lines were held: plenty of action, dialog and a well thought out plot. Well done.

There were a few instances where a comma needed to be placed, and/or a word needed to be capitalized. You wrote: Liam snapped his fingers and threw his hat on the ground angrily "Drat!"

A comma needed to placed after angrily to separate what Liam did and the words he said.

This next sentence needed the word (he) to be capitalized. You wrote: "I'll give ye a bit of me luck." he gestured to the coin that Skip had tried to touch earlier. Overall, I enjoyed this story.

Regards, jackson


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Review of The Metal Box  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

An "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. review.

Hello Milhaud-Tab B,
Happy WdC account anniversary!
Your short story, The Metal Box held my attention all the way through. But, the first sentence of the story is not quite right. You wrote: ("What are you doing in that ice box?" my mother's voice rang out...)
The question mark after (box) ends the first sentence, so the next word (my) should begin with a capital letter, or you could say instead, (My mother's voice rang out, "What are you doing in that ice box?")
Other than that, it's a riveting story of a mother's secret locked tight in a metal box. I like the way the story was structured, it moved right along. The mother must have suffered very much, with her anguish over the death of her son. And all the time, over the sad, long years, she is blaming herself for his death, and no one knew till the metal box was opened. It's a great story.

Regards, jackson
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Review of Unrestful Travel  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello MEISAME,
Happy WdC account anniversary! I am sending you this review through "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.. Before I tell you my thoughts on your story: Unrestful Travel, I will show you some things which may, or may not, make your item read and sound better in the reader's mind. These things are only one person's opinion, so use them at your discretion.

In the first paragraph this sentence sticks out . . . (His day had started out normal, well no, normal not exactly right.) It should be, to make sense: (His day started out normal, well no, normal is not exactly right.)

In the same paragraph you write:
(Mortimer could hear voices were none were spoke . . . see vague figures in the distance were none stood. Most just went on there way . . .) In this sentence the first (were) should be (where) and the third (were) should also be (where.) Below that, (there) should be (their.) Also, be mindful that in most cases, a comma should be placed before the word (but) because it is a conjunction which connects two clauses, or two separate ideas, to make a sentence. Other than these things, for the most part, it's a good story. Your story has a lot of potential to become a much better story, if you read it slowly and make any edits you need to make. Again, happy WdC account anniversary.

Regards, jackson
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Review of The Bench  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.


Hello Emilila Wolfe,
Happy WdC account anniversary! What a heart rending story The Bench is. Here we see the true love of a man for a woman . . . We see his anguish, his despair, his loyalty . . . You did great work in your description of the old man through the emotions he feels. Overall the punctuation and grammar were steady, I'll just mention a couple of things I saw that can make a good story better. In the first paragrapgh ( passerbys) should be passersby. Also, you wrote, (How terrible! people said, when he told them his wife was in hospital.) To be good grammar this could be changed to: "How terrible," people said, when he told them his wife was in the hospital. Happy WdC anniversary.
regards, jackson

"Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window.
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Review of 18 and Alone!  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window. review
and an "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. review. Hello J.S. Van,
Today I am wishing you a happy WdC anniversary month. I just finished reading your item: 18 and Alone! In my readingg of it, I noticed no errors in grammar or punctuation. My overall impression was that it was written well, and the details of the person adopted, their thoughts, their feelings . . . make the reader somewhat understand how alone some must feel when the base of their world is knowing they may have been abandoned. Also, the reader can realize the true love found within having a mother who wants them. Their hearts can be content. A good story . . .
regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


An anniversary review . . .

"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.


A "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window. review.

Hello thea marie,

Happy WdC account anniversary. I noticed your poll as I was looking at items on WdC. I have that same problem a lot of times, reading items so poorly written that it might take years to help the person become a writer. I don't have that kind of time in my pocket. I don't mind a few errors here and there, and am willing to show the person how to fix those, but I am not their editor. Still, if someone asks for help, I am willing.

Your item is thoughtful, well prepared and an excellent example of the question a lot of reviewers probably ask themselves from time to time.

Regards, jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window. review.


         Hello Serena Collins,
I just read The Lady Dressed in White. Lovely . . . short, but much said in only five lines. The layout and design of the item complements it. I noticed no errors in punctuation, grammar, or otherwise. I enjoyed the whole work, but what I liked best was the repetition of: the lady dressed in white. Those three words kept in the reader's mind, the vision seen by the writer. The vision which was so lovely. It's a great little poem.

Regards, jackson
12
12
Review of Inhuman  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


An anniversary review . . .
"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.

A review from "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window.

Happy WdC account anniversary, Leif the Lucky. First, the positive attributes of your story: Inhuman. I can't mention them all, but can give you my overall insight into the scenes you created. I felt, and saw the men in battle, the smoke, the fear, the bravery . . . You delivered these, every one. The scene where the Frenchie and the loud mouth German are killed is one of my favorite parts of the story. And of course, where the main character of the story realizes he is as inhumane as all the other killers he is walking among. Great story.

I did see a couple of things worth fixing in the story, even though they did not take away from its overall impression upon me. (just little things)

Your words: "Where the f*** is my machine gun?" another says.) A question mark always ends a sentence, so you could write instead: Another shouts, "Where the f*** is my machine gun?"

Your words: (As I approach I hear the familiar two thuds of the shells making contact.) Here, (As I approach,) is an introductary phrase to the rest of the sentence, so a comma after it is useful.

A good story.
Regards,
jackson
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Review of The Cowhand  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

An Anniversary Review

"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.

and

A "Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window. review.

Hello Ironworker,
Happy WdC account anniversary. I enjoyed reading (The Cowhand); it was full of good dialog, action, and a knowledge of the West. The story held my attention all the way . . . I liked how each of the men in the story seemed to have a bond of friendship with the others. My favotite line was: I couldn't pick a favorite, because each line fed the next line as they, together, told a great tale of a cowhand's life on the range.
Well done.
Regards,
jackson
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Spooky Striped Sox,

Dear Sir and Madam . . . I just read it; I like your sense of imagination. One of my favorite sentences is: (. . . but my position is untenable.)

The toaster who wrote the letter was a faithful employee, a long time companion to the household, but one day her owner's new cat begins to make unwanted sexual advances . . . Hilarious. I recommend the reading of this story; it's full of comedy for those with a discerning sense of humor. An excellent story!

Regards,
jackson
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15
Review of Dead Man Talking  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

An anniversary review . . .
"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.

A review from:
"Positive Hearts Reviews GroupOpen in new Window.

Hello phyduex,

Happy WdC account anniversary!
Dead Man Talking, what a story! Before I read this, I did not look at the item description, the title wanted me to read the story. There I was, listening to a man who was about to be executed, taking in every detail: his words, his thoughts, his fear, his pain, a description of what will happen to him on the path toward his death at the hands of other humans . . . But it puzzled me that there was no mention of his crime, nor the usual apology from one who faces imminent death.

I continued to read . . . His last few words were paralyzing to me. I am not a criminal, I am a prisoner. Then we see it was not a man waiting to be killed, it was an innocent animal criminalized by its unintentional
sickness, and suffering a sad death because of it. An exceptional story. The only thing you might want to be mindful of is when you say: I guess the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. There you need to use the word, (too) because (to) means: in the direction of, or toward. (Too) means an amount, such as: too much or too little.

Regards,
jackson

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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Happy to write,

Your words are sweet, your writing is an expression of, somehow I think grief, but in those same words I can see strength and determination.

This review is my way to encourage you to be stronger . . . Keep putting your thoughts into words as they are beautiful.

Regards,
jackson
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17
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
An anniversary review . . .

"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.



Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating,

Greetings . . . I saw today that this is the month of the anniversary of your account here on WdC, so I'm sending you a review. First of all, Happy anniversary! (Glass Jars and Bacon Grease) your item about your grandmother selected me to review it.

It's such a beautiful item. I bet you did not know when you were writing it, that the mere title would ressurect memories in people other than yourself. In your words, I could see a little woman washing out her jelly jars and saving them to be used as drinking glasses. And I could see her pouring the bacon grease into, maybe Mason jars, and keeping it to flavor all sorts of foods. You did a fine job expressing your thoughts and memories about your grandma.

I saw no errors in punctuation or grammar. Overall, a sweet, memory evolking piece of writing.

Again, happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
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18
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

An anniversary review . . .

"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.


Hello wildbill,
Your plot is well developed for this story, following a good line from start to finish. In the story, we see a black family, just after the Civil War, on their way to California. We see the man, Pompey, struggle over his ingrained mistrust of white Americans. After being befriended and having seen himself and his family rescued by a white man and his wife, Pompey looks inside himself and decides to accept their offer to settle his family nearby and make a new life for his family.

Your story has just enough dialog for the reader to get a sense of being in the story. I noted no grammar or punctuation errors, and action was present throughout the item. My impression of the whole story can be seen by the fact I was not sidetracked in any way as I read it. Great work.

Happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
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Review of Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An anniversary review . . .


"Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.

         Hello Modest,
My name is jackson; I am stopping by your portfolio today because this is the month of your account anniversary here on WdC. I chose the poem Rain to review because of the title. Your poem, I am sure, is heartfelt, but it does need a few things. I am willing to give you a few tips to make it sound better when it is read, and to make it look proud when it is written on paper.

You wrote:

Rain

Indistant crying of innocence lost
A future taken at any cost
Dark cloudy skies where happiness sought
I hear you call me,I hear you through the Rain

Respected because of your integrity
Your magnificent trance
Slow music and laughter to unhappy to dance.
I saw you, you saw me,I heard you call me through the
Rain

My charm your intellignce
Above all holds much relevance
I'd give in to your very scent
I touched you, you touched me, I heard you call me
through the
Rain

A beautiful flower a sunny sky
You said you loved me but left...Why?
Your in heaven now a better place
Tears mixed with pain run down my face
As I stand here...In the Rain




These are some pretty words you have written, let's see if they can become more beautiful . . .


Rain

In distant crying
Of innocence lost
A future taken
At any cost

Dark cloudy skies
Where happiness is sought
I heard you call me
I heard you through the rain
I thought

Respected because of your integrity
And because of your magnificent stance
Spilt slow music
But you're too unhappy to dance

I saw you
You saw me
I thought I heard you call me
Through the rain

You charm me
With your intelligence
I would give in
To just your scent

I touched you
You touched me
I heard you call me
Through the rain

A beautiful flower a sunny sky
You said you loved me
But you're not here
Why?

You're in heaven now
A better place
Tears of pain run down my face
As I stand here lost in the rain


These tips are just one writer's opinion, use them as you see fit. Happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson







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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)




An Anniversary review . . . "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.

Hello Naomi,
I happened by your portfolio today because it's your account anniversary here on WdC. I wanted to send you a review, so here it is.

Your item: (Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow) is very sweet. By sweet I mean, a person who reads the item can see what kind of person you are.

In the story, you tell about your life, how family is all important in the Philippines. Your siblings are your best friends, and you honor your father and mother.

You mention your love of God, how in your times of trial or sickness, he gives you comfort. Forgiveness lives in your heart, that's so commendable!

Yes, you are beautiful, Naomi; I can see this just by reading your story. Happy account anniversary!

Regards,
jackson
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Review of Falling  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)



         Hello Jo Paynter,

So this man goes into the woods and is never seen again . . . you have written a pretty good poem here. It's in a rather unsusual style.

My two favorite lines are: And the jarring screech of the whip-poor-will & Where the moonlight couldn't even reach.
Regards,
jackson
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Review of Eerie Ridge  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

         Hi dragonwoman,
Erie Ridge . . . an appropriate title. A little suspense and a dab of adventure made this a good story. My favorite part was when Carter dropped to all fours and became a wolf, staring at Brad with his evil, yellow eyes Good writing.

I did notice two awkward sentences in the story. The first is: ("What do you mean?" asked his companion Carter.)

The question mark ends the sentence, so you are left with a sentence fragment hanging there. It could just be: ("What do you mean?") The reader will understand Carter is responding to something someone said to him.

The other sentence is: ("Which one?" asked Carter.)

This sentence also has a fragment at the end. You could shift the sentence front to back, then it might be, (Growled Carter, "Which one?")

This is only one reader's opinion for you to use as you see fit.

Regards,
jackson
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23
Review of Eerie Ridge  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


         Hi dragonwoman,

Eerie Ridge . . . an appropriate title for this story. I enjoyed reading your story, the part I liked most was when Carter sank to all fours as he became a wolf.

The things I will mention now, are only the opinion of one person, so disregard, or use them as you see fit.

To me these two sentences are awkward: ("What do you mean?" asked his companion, Carter.)

(Which one?" asked Carter . . .)


The question mark ends each sentence, so after each sentence there is a sentence fragment.

The sentences could be changed to sound better. The first sentence could be, ("What do you mean?") Readers will understand Carter is speaking in response to the first speaker.

The other sentence could be shifted, back to front:

(Carter growled, "Which one?")

It's a good story, holding the readers attention on what might happen next.

Regards, jackson
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24
Review of The Passenger  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



         Hello Scare-emy,
The Passenger, is one of the better stories I have read on WdC. I like how John is just an innocent passenger on the night train, going about his business. I thought the Vietnamese lady was sweet.
The other characters were described well. Overall, the story is original and suspenseful. Well done . . .

I did notice this particular sentence . . . (Her English was broken but her tone was warm.) I think a comma needs to be placed before (but) because it joins two independant clauses. Great story.

Regards,
jackson
25
25
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


         Hello MoonWd,

I was entertained quite well with your story, The Price of a Curse. It has an unpredictable plot, along with giving the reader a sense of suspense.

If I might make a suggestion? The story would stand up straighter and be proud of itself, if ypu were to have the two men's conversation separated in the text.

(Have the old man speak, then an empty line in the text, then the reply of the shop owner.)

I dis notice what I think is a typo. Your line reads: (Then, he stabs the shop owner in the hearth!) Is that supposed to be heart? Overall, a good piece of writing.

Regards,
jackson


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