jackson's (notjackson) Reviews

jackson

Review Requests: OFF

335 Public Reviews Given

335 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I am not an expert reviewer, but I have some small amount of talent in the field of writing. I will not edit your work, but typos, grammar mistakes, etc. will be pointed out if I see them. I will give you my impression of your work, encourage you, and do my best to review the work.

I'm good at...

I do my best, whether I am good at it or not.

Favorite Genres

Action/adventure

Least Favorite Genres

Science fiction.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories and

Least Favorite Item Types

No least favorites.

I will not review...

Novels.

1

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#4808965

Review of The vampire jellyfish

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Reviewing signature for the B.E.A.R. Fund.

Hi Calista,
This is a WdC account anniversary review. I'll be taking a look at The vampire jellyfish today.

It's a story about a jellyfish who's a vampire. It attacks
creatures, including humans, and sucks out their souls . . . . great creativity! It lurks in oceans, waiting for some unsuspecting victim to show up. Beware!

A few things I noticed while reading your story are listed below,

The first sentence of the story is: dared not venture, a strange and terrifying creature drifted through the currents.

Edit suggestions

These few words need a subject, a noun or a pronoun which performs the action of the sentence, I suggest the following: Into this part of the ocean, they dared not venture, a strange and terrifying creature drifted through the currents.

All three words of your title for this item should begin with a capital letter. The writer can title their works however they wish, but custom and the rules of punctuation, indicate that all important words in a title, except for prepositions and articles, should begin with a capital letter.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I noticed another sentence which needs to be edited; the sentence is directly below.

Its venom was not only a toxin but a curse, capable of draining the life force from a creature and leaving it cold and lifeless, its soul sucked into the jellyfish’s haunting depths.

The comma after curse should be deleted.

Its venom was not only a toxin but a curse delete comma capable of draining the life force from a creature and leaving it cold and lifeless, its soul sucked into the jellyfish’s haunting depths.

Comments

It's a good story, filled with sharp imagery and detail. Good work . . .

Regards, jackson

2

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#4808949

Review of Orange juice for one

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello G.F. Frontera,
This is an anniversary review of Orange Juice for One. Congrats on your WdC account anniversary.

I liked your story, it's about a recently divorced man in his new living accommodations. He's sitting, drinking Jameson and smoking cigarettes as he contemplates his new life without a wife. Of all the things he must buy, when as of the moment he has nothing, he's making a list in his mind. He's worried about his children, of how they will see him now. He decides to start over, to start a new life, to quit nursing on Jameson, and if he can, get rid of the cigarettes.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Edit suggestions

In the following sentences, I will point out edits, using bold letters, that need to be made, use them at your discretion . . .

Sentence 1 He thought about how it use to be, during the hungry years, when all they had was what they needed.

Use is present tense. You are doing it now. Use, in your sentence should be used, because it has already happened in the past.

Sentence 2 He looked what was now his new home. This sentence needs to be, He looked at what was now his new home.

Sentence 3 Making the nut each month comma plus child support comma would leave little for the other things he use change (use) to (used) to do.

Sentence 4 He hoped the kids would be too disappointed and resentful and think he was a loser.

He hoped the kids would not be too disappointed and resentful and think he was a loser.

Sentence 5 The Dollar Store and the Goodwill will be getting most of his business for a while

The Dollar Store and the Goodwill would be getting most of his business for a while period

Sentence 6 The Jameson was starting to take effect and he began to fell sleepy.

The Jameson was starting to take effect and he began to feel sleepy.

Sentence 7 This whole ordeal had made sleeping difficult if not impossible.

This whole ordeal had made sleeping difficult comma if not impossible.

Sentence 8 He forgot about the cigarette he was holding and only remember when it burned his fingers, waking him with a start. Snuffing it out he felt wide-awake again. Another sleepless night.

He forgot about the cigarette he was holding and only remembered when it burned his fingers, waking him with a start. Snuffing it out comma he felt wide-awake again. It was another sleepless night.

Sentence 9 He wanted to pour himself another drink hoping it would knock him out, but the bottle was empty.

He wanted to pour himself another drink comma hoping it would knock him out, but the bottle was empty.

Sentence 10 Looking out he could see tomorrow was already here as the faint glow of a rising sun was . . .

Looking out comma he could see tomorrow was already here as the faint glow of a rising sun was . . .

Comments

It's a good story, a little editing would fix any errors. Write on . . .

Regards, jackson

3

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#4808855

Review of The Woman with No Name

Review by jackson

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi a Sunflower in Texas,

. . . just a few woods to honor your WdC account anniversary. Your story has no errors that I can see. It's written well, and tells the tale of a woman acclimating herself to her new house. She goes in, examines everything, all the rooms, the floors . . . She loves the carpet, it's comfortable to lie on, soft against her skin.

She even manages to sort of outsmart the newfangled thermostat. There at the end, she orders the entertainment center to play a Beatles' song.

Well done . . .
Regards, jackson

4

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#4808669

Review of November

Review by jackson

In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi maggie,

. . . an anniversary review in honor of your WdC account anniversary. November, honors your Mom; that's so great! I am sure she knows how you love her.

In the item, you reveal your hurt, your loneliness and your heart's yearning to have your mom again. Don't despair, she is only sleeping, cradled in the memory of our creator. She will live again . . .

November is beautiful. My favorite lines are:

When my soul is softly weeping,
You will come, and I'll be sleeping,
And you'll wrap your arms around me with delight.

. . . lovely.

Regards, jackson

5

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#4808428

Review of Calling Mom

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Fyn,
. . . another Writing.Com account anniversary review . . .

Comments

I loved this; usually, our most precious one is our mom. Countless times, our hearts cry out for her. In loneliness, we call her name, but she is sleeping in God's memory, waiting to hear our voice again, to touch us with her love. We may know this in our hearts; but still, our love reaches for her comforting presence. We need her! But we must wait until the appointed time when God will once more open her eyes and restore her voice.

Thoughts

Calling Mom is a beautiful work, written with love and longing.

In our hearts, we reach for the telephone . . . we want to hear her voice, we want to touch her with the love in our voice through Bell's contraption. We want to feel her love again. All this, I already know, but in the words of Calling Mom I heard your voice calling for your mom in a way only you can call. Beautiful work . . .

Image #2230701 over display limit. -?-

Regards, jackson

6

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#4808394

Review of Adjustment

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Good morning,

Congratulations on your WdC account anniversary.

Comments

Yes, it was certainly a good morning when I read, Adjustment. You described the space of time between the clouds obscuring the comfort of the sun, and the revealing glory of sunlight as it bursts through, flawlessly. And if you have seen this glory once, the clouds can not obscure it, because you know it it there.

More . . . you likened it to the seeing of humans. You can see the beauty on the outside of humans, but what is it the clouds have obscured?

. . . great work. Image #2230701 over display limit. -?-

Regards, jackson

7

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#4808110

Review of The Antagonist

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Image #2332475 over display limit. -?-

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Hi amy-Finally writing a novel,

. . . an anniversary review of, The Antagonist. Happy account anniversary, may you have many more.

Your first sentence is as follows, 'I was going to make the Mayor of my town, Grand Rock my antagonist, but something else works better.'

You need a comma before and after Grand Rock.

'I was going to make the Mayor of my town, Grand Rock comma my antagonist, but something else works better.

In your story, Lillian seems to find herself in somewhat of a predicament. Being pulled by the merits of both the Town Council and the Parish Council, Lillian is swaying on the rope of indecision. Which one will she support, the Town Council, or the Parish Council?

Both parties to the disagreement have both logic and merit in wanting to own a particular plot of land.

Father Gromely wants the land so he can better the lives of the local children. Mayor Flemming wants to own the plot to use it as a venue for various town functions so the town will have more earning power.

In the next to last paragraph of the story, (earning) needs to be changed to (earnings).

'Having the land for an event venue will add to the town's earnings. she believes.'

So, which party to the dispute will Lillian choose to support ? It's a question Lillian will decide the answer to in the pages of the novel.

. . .good work.

Regards, jackson

8

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#4808051

Review of Sky Catcher

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello HASEYES,
. . . an aniversary review. Another year being a member of Writing. Com. Congratulations.

I am pasting your item below, so the readers can see it and know what I am talking about in my review.

Sky Catcher

I hear a little red robin,
She sings a happy tune.

I see a strong proud hoot owl,
She flies high by the glow of the moon.

I see a nesting snow white dove,
She's priming her soft feathery breast.

I see the old grey alley cat,
And she's put them all to rest.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My summary

The pretty dove once cleaning her breast, the red robin once singing, the owl once flying in the shadow of the moon, all these I attest, have been laid to their earthly rest, by the old gray alleycat they were summarily blessed. She naps, while they digest.

Comments

I like a writer who's innovative . . . your style is not run-of-the-mill. Great work . . . short and sweet. Your rhymes are not forced, as smooth as peanut butter they slide across the page. No edit suggestions necessary . . .

Image #2230701 over display limit. -?-

Regards, jackson

9

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#4807875

Review of Sculpture of the Pharaoh's Daughter

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Hi Justyn,
This is an anniversary review, congratulations on your account anniversary. Congratulations also, on having the talent to write a ninety-nine word story.

For a ninety-nine word story, your item is pretty good. I can imagine the looks on the faces of the pharaoh's daughter and her companion . . . After sitting for a long time as a model for a sculpture and having her companion constantly fanning her, the both of them were probably too tired to elude the kiss of the cobra. Pharaoh was going to be angry . . .

. . . great short piece.

I did notice a comma out of place (two spaces away from the word), instead of directly following it. It's in the sentence directly below this . . .

In this instance , keeping the Princess cool and relaxed so the royal sculptor could work uninterrupted was crucial.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Regards, jackson

10

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#4807641

Review of Enemy Territory

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Image #2230701 over display limit. -?-

Hello Carly-March into Spring,
I enjoy good stories, so here's another anniversary review.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Image #2332475 over display limit. -?-

Initial comments

•

Finding themselves behind enemy lines is not where the average person would wish to be. But here he was . . . thirteen days of hell, not knowing if he would make it back to his lines, and not even knowing if he would be living when the sun peered above the horizon tommorrow. Staying calm is the number one thing, don't think about your fear, but think . . . if you think enough, you may come up with a way to go back to your own outfit.

•

The reviewers synopsis

Enemy Territory is a story of a man who finds himself in just that situation . . . behind enemy lines. Fear gnawed at him, every step taken wedged the growing lump of fear tighter into his throat. Every move made worried him of being taken by the enemy. It was not a matter of courage, of that he possessed a hefty measure. It was the feeling of hopelessness settling over him. The unknown lay before him, and he must traverse it sucessfully to stay alive. He knew this, but still the thoughts would not relent. What if he was captured? What if he was killed? What if . . . Worries filled his mind, but he couldn't just sit on his rear end. He must, somehow, make it back to his own lines. Moving mosty by night and catnapping here and there during the days was wearing him out, but he had no choice. His food was running out, the fear had long since gone, and dread had taken its place. If only . . .

•

Conclusion of synopsis

He hears voices, the enemy? Fear again jerks at him, but he stays calm, ready for what comes next. Closer . . . and he sees it is men from his own unit. Despair melts away . . .

•

Suggested edits

Throughout the story, there are quite a few instances where there are double spaces between the end of one sentence and the beginning of new sentences.

In the fourth paragraph cat napped should be catnapped.

In the same paragraph, . . . roamed me cerebral cortex needs to be, roamed my cerebral cortex.

In the seventh paragraph a semicolon needs to be removed from the sentence below and replaced by a comma, and I was needs to be the beginning of the sentence.

Screaming out to God in my mind; asking for his protection.

I was screaming out to God in my mind comma asking for his protection.

Final comments

The story was excellent, exciting, and showed the emotions of the main character with skill. Very good writing . . .

Regards, jackson

11

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#4807471

Review of MIDDLEBOURNE GARAGE

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Image #2332475 over display limit. -?-

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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello SAC,
It's the anniversary of the month you created your WdC account. Enjoy this anniversary review.

Comments

Dad's are special to their offspring. I see your's was special. I am glad to see you wrote this item to honor your father.

He was an automobile mechanic with his own garage. I like how you used the tools of a mechanic's trade, and the jobs a car shop owner performs, with a steady diet of grease and oil, to write this. It flows well, with a melody from your heart.

I really liked this, it reminds me of the special times of the late 1950's and the 1960's. Things were good back then . . . I enjoyed imagining your Dad checking his sign every day and preparing for customers, working late to get a job done, and doing honest work to feed his family and reputation. From reading this, I can see he was a down-home friendly type of person. You were lucky . . .

Suggested edits

Only one thing, I see you use a series of periods to trail off sentences, to follow the rules of punctuation, the ellipis should consist of three periods. Sometimes, you used six or four.

. . .great work.

Regards, jackson

12

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#4807290

Review of Oct 5 2024 Protagonist Background Story

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Image #1585921 over display limit. -?-

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Hi Rojodi,
This is a Writing.Com account anniversary review. Congrats . . .

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Story summary

Longfellow Darke is to be married shortly, but at the present time he unfolds the piece of paper his bride's sister had handed to him.

He had never seen a Dear John letter, but he was looking at one now. The hurt stabbed him, clutched at his heart repeatedly and throbbed through his temples.

But in the end, despite his hurt, he would survive. He wanted to wad up the note and toss it, but he stared àt the words . . . I do love you, but I am not in love with you. He stood up, and called out to his friends, "Let's go get some food, I'm starving."

That was when he saw her . . . the other woman, she was still beautiful.

As he walked to the limo on the way to get drunk, he looked back, she was gone. How had she known to come?

Comments

It's a fine story, told in an original manner. It shows the pain a man might feel when, at his wedding, he is handed a Dear John letter. and it shows the strength a man must have to expel this hurt from his heart.
Good writing . . .

Suggested edits

In the next to last paragraph, I noticed a sentence. The sentence, by using the word (was), establishes the past tense of the sentence.

Longfellow looked back to find the familiar face, but she was gone, the church’s door slowly closing told him that she left. He had no time to dwell on her, his groomsmen came and took him to the waiting limo.

To keep the tense consistent, you need to add (had) in the final clause of the first sentence.

. . . the church's door slowly closing told him she had left.

In the fourth paragraph the sentence below needs a comma.

Pre-wedding superstitions he was told.

Pre-wedding superstitions comma he was told.

In the third paragraph, I noticed a sentence is not a complete sentence. Also, the comma after (brownstone) should not be there, and the word (into) should be deleted. I have written the sentence directly after this sentence.

No whispers from the ghosts that inhabited the brownstone, where Melissa had moved into a year before since it was closer to her job at Oldham and Newbury Attorneys, LLC.

There were no whispers from the ghosts that inhabited the brownstone delete comma where Melissa had moved delete into the year before since it was closer . . .

Sentence after addition and deletions

There were no whispers from the ghosts that inhabited the brownstone where Melissa had moved the year before since it was closer . . .

Final thoughts

I enjoyed reading your story

Regards, jackson

13

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#4807104

Review of NO REWARDS

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Hello Madam The Mystic,
A WdC account anniversary review for you . . . Congratulations
on another year here at WdC.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Initial comments

Terrorists have no proper place on earth, instead, they should be beneath the earth, six feet under, soaked in lye to make them disappear faster.
Murderers, rapists and several other varieties of the dregs of humanity are no exception. They too, create terror. They need to experience terror in their own minds.

Thoughts on your story

It's a good message you send in your story. It is important for children not to be trained to be suicide bombers. A child can be filled with hate, so deeply that they are willing to die themselves, as long as they kill others in the moment of their dying. The humans filled with hate and evil deceive innocent children into thinking they are blessed with eternal life if they give their life to kill the evil one's enemies.

Pure evil has filled the childs' hearts with joy, joy of the thought that they will be rewarded by God for the killings they commit, and joy that they have pleased the evil ones by doing what they were trained to do.

Edit suggestions

Scattered about in the upper portion of your story, the beginning part where the print is small, there are at least four places where there are two spaces between words, rather than the standard one space.

In the same upper portion, you use the word (sometimes.) In this case, sometimes is an adverb which modifies the entire sentence which comes after it; it is also an introductory word introducing the following contents of the sentence, a comma should be placed after (sometimes.) In the same sentence you typed the instead of they.

Sometimes comma they fight over territories or resources and many times they fight for religious beliefs.

In the sentence directly following this sentence, but needs to be deleted.

While not much can be done to stop these groups that are in control of the training that these individuals receive before they are sent out on suicide bombing missions, delete the word (but) but with the proper knowledge and information, they will be better equipped to resist their influence.

Final comments

It's a fairly good story with a strong message about terrorists, but the all capital letters in the lower half sort of distract the reader.

Regards, jackson

14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4806738

Review of Death's sorrow

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Congratulations on being a member of Writing.Com another year.

Hi elisabeth,

Initial thoughts

I'm back again, looking at your stories . . . oh my, here I am in the company of some exquisite words and thoughts, just looking at them. They lie on the page as if they might be a bouquet of roses. I wish for the one who laid the roses on the page to know how talented I think she is. You've got something . . . what it is, I can't describe, but it's there. Water the roses with more words, water them today, tomorrow, and forever. With water, they will bloom, develop seeds and new roses will grow where once stood a rose in need of companions.

A summary of Death's sorrow

The room in the cancer ward is quiet, deathly so. A little girl lies there on the bed, waiting . . . she knows he will come. A knock upon the door, it opens, and there he stands. She knows who he is, and what he has came for. She does not cry.

He stands there for a moment, listening to her as she speaks, "Please make it quick: I have hurt for a long time."

He steps closer, takes her hand in his.

"It has already happened," he whispers.

Hand in hand, they walk toward Paradise . . . today, he is The Sad Reaper.

Edit suggestions

In the first few sentences of your item, I noticed a couple of words . . .

The words I noticed are directly below this . . .

I knock gently at the hospital door.
Inside the sterile white room
in the tiny bed with rough, blue-knit covers
lays a little girl
who's hair is gone
and who's lips are cracked and dry.

Who's is a contraction for, who is. To show whose it is, or who it belongs to, use whose.

Lays is used to describe the action, lies is when the action is already complete.

Example: He lays her down in the bed, and there she lies.

. . . great writing.

Regards, jackson

15

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14 days may be credited.

#4806467

Review of The Notice

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Image #1585921 over display limit. -?-

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Image #2332475 over display limit. -?-

Hi Carly-March into spring,

Congratulations on being here at WdC another year. Nice, isn't it?
I'll be reviewing, The Notice, today. I'll begin with a short synopsis of the story. The reason for my synopsis is so the author will know whether I actually read their story, whether there were any confusing parts and the noticing of any technical errors. To me, a review is akin to a book report, no review is complete unless you tell what the story is about . . .

Synopsis

Marlene trembled while reading the post, tears crawled down her cheekbones. Finally, it was her son's turn. Anthony would be scared . . . Marlene remembered her own notice. The government had a policy that all people reaching the age of thirteen years must leave the planet and spend one year off-planet, in a designated school.

For some, it was heartbreaking, for Marlene it had been. For her mother and father, it had been. She could still see the mist of her mother's heart spreading across her cheeks and the heartbreak which gathered in her eyes and formed little rivulets alongside her nose. The forlorn expression on her father's face told of his misery. It had been a nightmare for her, she had been too young to be forced from the love and care of her father and mother and forced to live with strangers. But it was the law, the law of the ones with power, there had been nothing . . . nothing they could do, except obey.

The failure to obey the notice would result in severe penalties and fines levied upon the parents, there was no escape . . . The notice informed her it was her son's time to leave, to be torn away from his mother and father and placed in a school off-planet, under the authority of, who knows . . . Were they kind? Could they instill in the heart of a precious child the love and kindness a mother could? Her mind somewhat calmed itself, at least she knew where he was going, that he would not be a slave of abuse as she had been.

She and her husband had scrimped and saved so Anthony could go to a better school than she had. It would be hard, missing him, but they would survive. For this, she gave thanks.

Comments

It is a fine story, easily understandable and follows a good path from the beginning to the end.

Edit suggestions

There are a few places, scattered here and there, where there is more than one space between words.

In paragraph six a semicolon should be changed to a comma. Semicolons join two independent clauses, both the clause before the semicolon and the clause after the semicoln need to be independent clauses in order for a semicolon to be used. The section of your sentence after the semicolon is shown below, . . . two mere six hour sleeps and meals on their feet. That part of the sentence is a dependent clause which is why you need a comma there.

. . . great writing, I loved the story.

Regards, jackson

16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4806158

Review of A Princess Searches Her Heart

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello Megan Rose,
Good morning,
Today, I'll be sending you a review of, A Princess Searches Her Heart.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

A summary of your story

This particular princess is unhappy; her father has chosen the man she will marry, as kings are wont to do. But the princess, like all girls, wants to fall in love and marry the man of her heart. Somewhere inside her, there also dwells a sense of loyalty to her father. What is she to do? Will she defy her father? Will she run away? The battle taking place in her heart and mind showed no mercy. It consumed her. Will the prince win her heart?

She does not want to marry a man she does not love, a stranger. But as the days go by, sometimes they are alone, and he kisses her. Her heart tingles . . . She begins to think. Do I now have feelings for this man? Is he the one for me? My heart is not sad anymore, my heart jumps when he touches me.

And so the days passed, till the princess knew she wanted him. Her heart became happy and in love. She wanted his kisses, his love, attention and kindness. So the princess' heart changed to one of love toward the man her father had chosen for her.

Comments

It's a good story, Megan. I see you like writing stories of long ago. You do it well. I always enjoy your stories.

Regards, jackson

17

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14 days may be credited.

#4806074

Review of The Do-Over

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Image #1585921 over display limit. -?-

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Image #2230701 over display limit. -?-

Hi Hugh Wesley,
. . .another anniversary review, this time the story, Do-Over. See my summary of your story immediately below.

Robert was somewhat of a grouch. On this night Robert, after drinking some buttermilk was going to put his glass in the sink, but before he got there, the rear porch light came on. Lousy cat, he thought.

The motion detector had been his wife's idea. Robert continued to the sink, then headed upstairs, before he got to the steps, there was a knock on the back door. Visitors in the night? He hated that. On the way to see who it was, he noticed the calendar, October the thirty-first. He went to the back door, flung it open and the porch was empty . . .

Yelling at the kids he thought were trick or treating, Robert fumed. Then it was that he noticed, he was not on his porch anymore, but he was facing a house, a strange house. The door of the house was opened and Robert and a lady stood staring at each other.

She held a bowl of candy and was much taller than him, a couple of heads. She laughed.

"Well, aren't you going to say trick or treat or something? Hey, that's a neat old man mask you're wearing. Where did you get it?"

Comments/edit suggestions

It's a good story with a sinister ending: I think Robert was wishing he was back home.

The sentence below needs the word of added.

Robert just blinked, staring up at the lady who was a couple of heads taller than him.

Great work . . .

Regards, jackson

18

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14 days may be credited.

#4805938

Review of Old Faithful

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Image #2230701 over display limit. -?-

Image #2332475 over display limit. -?-

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hi Hugh Wesley,
I like this story; it's short and sweet. Congratulations on being with WdC another year. Here's a review in honor of that.

A synopsis of your story

Yeah, there's a few things a boy can't tell anyone but his dog. The boy tells his dog about his woes. Says he wished that yellow-haired bully, who troubled him everyday, would just up and disappear. Now, ole Ralph, his dog, was a good dog . . . he cocked his head that way and this, listening to every word the boy spoke to him.

The next day, the bully didn't come to school, and when the boy was going home, up ahead, there was ole Ralph, waiting for him, had something in his mouth . . . yellow-haired.

It looked like what used to be the bully was now ole Ralph's chew toy. The boy didn't have any more troubles with bullies after thay. Ole Ralph was a good dog . . .

Comments/edit suggestion

A fantastic story. . . great! But to make it more appealing to the eyes, it would read better if formatted into just a couple of paragraphs.

Regards, jackson

19

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14 days may be credited.

#4805796

Review of He used to be my Best Friend

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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Hi PlaguePreacher,

My time for reviews is almost up for today, so I'll just say I liked your story; you did a good job with the details of the two, used to be, best friends. You described the condition of the wounded soldier aptly. To me, it seemed as if the two were adversaries there at the end, with the injured one wanting the other one to go ahead and put him out of his misery.

I did notice that you put your terminal puncuation, periods, etc. outside of the quotation marks in your dialog sentences.
Any punctuation at the end of a sentence of dialog goes, with no spaces in between, right after the sentence.

Always, the terminal punctuation at the end of sentences should be placed immediately after the last letter in the last word of the sentence, then the quotation marks.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Good writing . . .

Regards, jackson

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4805626

Review of Running away from home.

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

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Hello Phoenix,
Congrats on being with WdC another year. I'll get right into this review of, Running away from home. I understand what you are saying in this work. Some parents are cruel. Sometimes, children can not handle being browbeat day after day. They might make the decision to run away, but on occasion, they find they have stepped from a bad situation into one which might lead to their death. Your work speaks of what might happen to a runaway.

There were a few spots in the work where the rhymes appeared forced, but overall, you did a good job. Write some more, practice helps you become better.

While reading it, I noticed a line . . .

The world it just a show. It needs to be, The world is just a show, for correct speech, or you could write it as,
The world, it's just a show.

Nice work . . . keep on writing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Regards, jackson

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21

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#4805426

Review of A Princess Hopes For Something Beautiful

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Port raid!

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Hi Megan Rose,
Today I'll be reviewing, A Princess Hopes For Something Beautiful.

A summary of your story.

Once there lived a beautiful princess in a kingdomm far, far away. Her heart was weary, consummed with pain . . .

The princess had been married for some time, and being the mother of a child would be her delight. Yet, she had been told she would never have children.

But the princess could not accept this. On a particular night, the princess stole out of the castle to make her way into the dark forest. She was scared, but the courage in her heart, and the longing for a child drew her forward.

During her travel into the forest, she was confronted by a troll who sought to do her harm. The princess unsheathed her sword and the troll changed his mind. In a hurry now, because the wish of her heart could only be made till midnight, the princess' feet went faster. Lickety split.

Shortly, a lovely fairy appeared by her side. The fairy told her she knew why the princess was there. Just before a bell rang, marking the time as midnight, the fairy threw magic dust on the princess.

In her heart, the princess sensed something different . . . something new. About a year later, her first child was born. In great happiness the prince and princess lived the rest of their lives . . . and other children were born, each one bringing to the princess more happiness.

Comments

It's a beautiful story of life, love and motherhood. I enjoyed reading it.

Regards, jackson

22

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14 days may be credited.

#4805185

Review of This Friday

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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Port raid!

Hi Emma Faye,
. . .another year at WdC, congratulations. Today, I'll be reviewing, This Friday.

Image #2332475 over display limit. -?-

Initial comments

This Friday, is about a boy named Al. Al is a little shy, unsure of himself, and might be, he has a fear of rejection. This story shows and tells the reader what can happen, if these three maladies can be swatted aside . . .

A brief summary of This Friday.

Al likes Jess a lot. He wants to take her to the school homecoming celebration, but is nervous to ask. Finally, he swallows his anxiety, approaches her and manages to ask if she will be his date. Jess blushes . . . she likes Al also. She tells him she'd love to go with him. Then, lowering her eyelashes, she adds, "Why wait till homecoming, a week from this Friday? Let's see a movie this Friday "

Al's heart jumps, he wants to jump . . . but doesn't. But as soon as he's around the corner, a jump works its way out of him.

Edit suggestions

Stories and books are much easier to read if the author leaves a double empty space between paragraphs, try it, you'll see it is not only more readable, but more pleasing to the eyes.

. . .great work writing this . . .

Regards, jackson

23

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14 days may be credited.

#4805184

Review of The Missing Rainbow (pls help me review)

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Port raid

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Hello sarahtangerine,

The best way I can help you, since you asked for help, is to write your story on this page exactly as you wrote it. Then, write it as I would have written it. I will format it into a story form.

Your story

1 In a small house near the sea, lived a boy named Jeremy.

2 Jeremy loved watching the sky, especially during sunsets.

3 One cloudy day, Jeremy hoped to see a rainbow.

4 But the rainbow did not appear, and Jeremy felt disappointed.

5 He went back home, feeling sad.

6 Then, he noticed the sun peeking through the clouds.

7 Jeremy decided to wait a little longer, hoping to see the rainbow.

8 He passed the time making shapes with the clouds.

9 Suddenly, a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky.

10 Jeremy's patience was rewarded with the most colourful rainbow he had ever seen.

11 He learned that sometimes, waiting can bring joy and wonder.

12 Now, whenever Jeremy sees the clouds, he remembers to wait for the rainbow's surprise.

Your story in story form

In a small house near the sea, lived a boy named Jeremy. Jeremy loved watching the sky, especially during sunsets. One cloudy day, Jeremy hoped to see a rainbow. But the rainbow did not appear, and Jeremy felt disappointed. He went back home, feeling sad.

Then, he noticed the sun peeking through the clouds. Jeremy decided to wait a little longer, hoping to see the rainbow. He passed the time making shapes with the clouds.
Suddenly, a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky.
Jeremy's patience was rewarded with the most colourful rainbow he had ever seen. He learned that sometimes, waiting can bring joy and wonder. Now, whenever Jeremy sees the clouds, he remembers to wait for the rainbow's surprise.

Comments

Your story is written well, with no mistakes in punctuation. I hope this review helps you.

If each number, one through twelve, is a page in a childern's book, you did a great job. In looking at it, I had no way of knowing if the numbers beside each sentence indicated each numbered sentence represented a page for a twelve page children's storybook.

Regards, jackson

24

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14 days may be credited.

#4805183

Review of THE WINTER'S TALE

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hey Jacques Tales,
Today I'll be taking a look at The Winter's Tale.

• Comments

The Winter's Tale is the story of a lonely snowflake which fell from the sky. When it landed, it saw there were no other snowflakes nearby to keep it company. It felt sad. No brothers or sisters to play in the wind . . . And where was its mother and father?

But later that night, the clouds opened their gates and many snowflakes fell. They covered the earth and frolicked in the wind, blowing here and there. The lonely little snowflake was not lonely now. It and its family covered the earth with snowflakes. The valleys, the cars, the streets, the hills, the bridges and the grass, all were cottony white . . . Upon the earth, beneath the clouds which had opened their gates, all the snowflakes rejoiced.

• Recommended edits

I can only suggest the addition of a few more lines in the same fashion of the ones already in the story. In the same vein, breaking the story up into a couple of paragraphs would make it easier for the readers to enjoy it more fully.

• Further Comments
It's a great tale from the eyes of the snow. A great little story . . .

Regards, jackson

25

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14 days may be credited.

#4804904

Review of THE BUTTERFLY LOVE

Review by jackson

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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Hello JacquesTales,
I'll be reviewing The Butterfly Love today.

•

A synopsis

A caterpillar hatched in the springtime, soon it spun a cloak around itself, a place to rest and become a butterfly. Time passed . . . and one day a butterfly emerged from the cloak. It was happy, its world was full of love. Again time passed, and the butterfly passed through the rainbow of heaven. Before leaving her home, behind her and in a safe place, she left her eggs of life.

When time became ripe, dozens of her offspring hatched. They loved the world just as their mother had. They loved the flowers, the birds and all of God's world with all their hearts. They flew and frolicked in happiness. But all too soon, they passed through the rainbow of heaven just as their mother had. The cycle of life and love continued, as their children came through the rainbow of life the next spring.

Punctuation

You used a semicolon twice in the story. in both instances the phrase after the semicolon was: the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees.

To use a semicolon correctly, the clause before the semicolon must be an independent clause, or a group of words that would be a complete sentence if you put a period instead of a semicolon. The same is true about the clause after the semicolon, it must be an independent clause the same as the clause before the semicolon. Instead of a semicolon, you should use a comma in both instances.

I enjoyed your story . . . fine work.

Regards, jackson