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216 Public Reviews Given
216 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am not an expert reviewer, but I have some small amount of talent in the field of writing. I will not edit your work, but typos, grammar mistakes, etc. will be pointed out if I see them. I will give you my impression of your work, encourage you, and do my best to review the work.
I'm good at...
I do my best, whether I am good at it or not.
Favorite Genres
Action/adventure
Least Favorite Genres
Science fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and
Least Favorite Item Types
No least favorites.
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Novels.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of the fog  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


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Hello quiet web,

It's your WdC account anniversary this month, have a happy . . .

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


It's a good story, but it has some punctuation issues. The suggestions below are meant to be helpful to a fellow writer.

Punctuation

In the second sentence: capitalize the first word of the sentence, he. Add a comma before the word but, it connects two independent clauses.

You need to go through the whole story and capitalize the first word of each sentence.

Word spacing

In the second paragraph a separating space needs to come between these two words, look and brushing.

Comma use

When writing, if you have an action in the sentence, and after completing the action, you continue the sentence with a pronoun, such as he, she or they, you need a comma before the pronoun, because the sentence has taken an abrupt turn to another subject.

Story content

The plot is excellent. The word flow and cohesiveness are fine. It's an exciting story.

Keep on writing!

Regards, jackson
2
2
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


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Hello S,

From Read and Review, I found this item. I'll say just a few quick words about it.

Comments

To me, it sounds like poetry. By this, I mean it has a little melody trickling along behind the words. Sorrow is well described by these words of yours. Good writing . . . for word content, it's a five, with good thoughts and good sentiments

Suggestions

#1 The first two sentences need to be combined by adding a comma after you, instead of a period, because the second sentence is a phrase, not a complete sentence.

Like this: I never understood the feeling of falling so deeply in love it breaks you, love that left you feeling empty, grasping for bits of affection from anyone who looked your way.

#2 The first word of the third sentence Till needs to be deleted. With (till) as the beginning word, it's not a complete sentence. If you use (till), something needs to come before it, an introductory phrase. Alternately, you could just delete (till).

Your sentence:
Till one day you find that single person who makes you feel like the most amazing person in the world.

My suggestion: One day you find that single person who makes you feel like the most amazing person in the world.

#3 The next sentences which complete the story, need to have introductory words before they begin. You need to delete the three periods and replace them with commas.

Sort of like this:
My memories are of the preceding are four introductory words, without them, your
sentences aren't complete sentences spending sweet moments together, of running to the old vodka bottle left on the kitchen table, in hopes that once the bottle was finished, my dazed glaze would see just a quick blurry figure of you . . .

#5 The title needs to be capitalized, in this case, all four words.

I hope this helps, keep on writing!
Regards, jackson
3
3
Review of Keep me safe  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


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Hello NurseWriter,
. . . another anniversary review for you. Have a good day. Your story, Keep Me Safe, tells us of a woman with dementia. It's a scary thought to have this happen to you.

I had recently undergone chemotherapy, I was asking my daughter to say hi, and tell my grandchildren of my love, but their names would not come to me. I had to resort to calling them, the kids. Of course, this was because of the chemicals destroying brain cells along with the lymphoma. I was scared.

Content of the story

In your story, you tell us just how scary it is to not rememember, to not know your own face, to not know your little girl has gone to heaven. It's a sad story, but wonderfully told. You tell us of the pain one might suffer from having no memories beyond the present moment, of time spent with loved ones, but of having no recollection of the joy you had, and you tell us of the sorrow which lives in the heart, permeating it, of one who suffers this horrifying afflction.

This is a wonderful story, NurseWriter, more, more, more!

Regards, jackson

Anniversary Reviews email siggie
4
4
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



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Hello NurseWriter,
May the moon shine on your heart tonight and tell you of all her secrets. The Last Saddened Moon is a lovely piece of writing. By the way, happy WdC account anniversary.

Concept

The last saddened moon . . . a beautiful concept, and in the lines, you reveal the inner feelings of the moon. You show us her lonely shadow cast upon the ground.

Read aloud quality

I read this slowly to savor each word. The lines stretch between the moon and I, giving us both enlightenment. It's excellent.
No sort of errors lie in the shadow of this moon's heart, nor in this item.

Regards, jackson

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5
5
Review of Scarecrow  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


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It's the anniversary month of your becoming a member of WdC. May a good day come your way.

Hello R. Danielson,

Scarecrow, is a good story.

My interpretation

A scarecrow, after languishing in anonymity for some time, becomes one of the living. Its immediate desire is to extract its revenge on its creator. No thought of thankfulness can be found in its heart; a hatred has taken up permanent residence within the sack of ground wheat straw which serves as its heart. A self-perceived notion that its creator created it with malice overwhelms its mind, until at the last, it kills its creator.

Punctuation issues

In the second paragraph, the semicolon after the word life should be a comma, because the words which come after the semicolon, a feeling shared by the scarecrow as the icy cold penetrated his lungs are not an independent clause. Semicolons join two independent clauses, two clauses which could stand alone as a sentence. The remainder of the puctuation is done well.

Last thoughts

The structure of the story has paragraphs appropriate for a short story, and each sentence complements the next one. The word flow is excellent. A good story . . .

Regards, jackson
6
6
Review of Forgive me  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



Anniversary Reviews email siggie

Happy account anniversary!


Hi David Khamisi,
I don't usually review poetry, not writing any myself, except for a free verse here and there. Sometimes, a poem comes along which I know something about, this is one of those times.

My comments

Some of the things I know about are: I know about feelings from the heart, how they can break into little pieces, each one crying. I know about despair, about the upside down feeling which visits us when despair twists the doorknob of our hearts. I know about love . . .

Not in the same words, but your verse, Forgive Me has depicted admirably each of these feelings.

Sometimes, after we have left the one our heart beats for, another feeling twists the dispair residing in our hearts . . . a longing to return which the mind thinks of. But our heart is in control, there will be no returning.

Each of these things came into my mind as I read your verse. Great writing.

I noted no errors in grammar. punctuation or spelling. Neither do I offer any suggestions.

Regards, jackson

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Review of A Dead Goat  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


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Another anniversary review

          Old White Cat,

One time, I spent two days looking for a goat, a nanny goat, she was. I found her, but that's another story. Hey, I like the title, A Dead Goat. Straighforeward, no guessing what the story is about. So, you come across this dead goat, right in front of your house; your mind runs over, filled with the whys, hows, whos and various other thoughts as to why you were singled out to be gifted with a dead goat. I was wondering that myself, and I wasn't even there. You follow drag marks to the road in front of your house, so you know the goat didn't come to your house by itself.

The story expresses your feelings about this goat, and what you should do about it, along with the other feelings I mentioned above. You finally arrive at a decision as to what action you will take; you jump in your car and drive toward where you think the culprit might be . . . Great writing, Old White Cat.

For the story content, the way it was told, and knowing it is not finished, my rating of A Dead Goat is a five.

Punctuation, plot and spelling

No errors were noticed.

Regards,
jackson

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Review of 1956  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


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Happy WdC account anniversary!


         Hi Old White Cat,

What I like

The way you told the story using everyday, what I call, downhome language. Reminds me of another lifetime . . .

I like the contents of the story, The story expounds on the
everyday life of a youngster in 1956, telling us some of their trials and some of their tribulations. Great story . . .

Punctuation

No errors noted.

Flow and Presentation

From start to finish, a conversational flow exists in your story; it's easy to read and interesting. The structure of your story is sound, like a building built on a good foundation. The font is just right. Paragraphs with spaces in between them stare at you as you are reading.

My takeaways . . .

Overall, a good job with the presentation, the story content, the punctuation, the grammar and all details of a short story.

Regards, jackson

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9
9
Review of My Sweet Miranda  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Anniversary Reviews email siggie


         Hello Dave,
On the anniversary of the month of your joining WDC, I send you congratulations, and this review.

Setting


My Sweet Miranda, a sweet title . . . A man meets the woman of his heart. Their love caught fire and from that day of budding, two hearts entertwined.

This is a great setting . . .

Further content of story


The flower of his heart, sadly did, on a day in May, lose her life. An immigrant smuggler, hauling illegal immigrants, runs a red light and Miranda is killed.

Remarks


Sadly, these kind of things can, and do happen in the US. Here, we have a great example of the heartless actions of the drug cartels, their driving greed consumes, not only their hearts, but the hearts of people like sweet Miranda. It's a great story, Dave, with no errors in its presentation.

Regards,
jackson

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Review of Mother Metropolis  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


         Hello DJ Burnett,

I see it's the anniversary this month of the month you joined WdC. My well wishes . . .

Mother Metropolis. I've just read a heck of a story . . . Your metapors shine, DJ Burnett.

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


The story is about a young man who lives on, and in the streets of an unnamed city . . . Dogboy. Dogboy is ruthless in his will to survive. He roams the streets of the city, neither giving, nor expecting pity, and dealing out harm to bystanders, as he makes his way through the days and nights of his life.

The city herself, in my mind, is a major character of this tale. Your descriptions of her, and her attributes, make this story great. Your portrayal of Dogboy . . . excellent!

Image #2230726 over display limit. -?-


I have a few suggestions to enhance your story, they are only that, suggestions.

Punctuation

In the first paragraph, the summer sun aint takin gno ... should be, the summer sun aint taking no . . .

In paragraph six, lookin gup should be, looking up.

My favorite sentence is: The ancient structure devours him, but he is not afraid, its belly is dry and comfortable.

My favorite section of the story is the final paragraph. Here, we see the city weep for Dogboy as he lies sleeping. It's a great story, churn out some more.

Regards,
jackson
11
11
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)


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Introduction of Reviewer


You are being reviewed by jackson. Any suggestions I may make, are to encourage you to become a better writer, not to criticize your writing. In my opinion, a writer's words are some of the best things to hear in this life.

Hi Aly,
I see it is the anniversary of your becoming a member of Writing.Com. I wish for you, a happy account anniversary.



Your idea to create this interactive story was a good one, and highly commendable. I am sure a lot of time has been expended on it. Good work.

As I scrolled through the item, I noticed the punctuation needs a little work in order to be a good presentation. Beginning at the top of the item, I will list my suggestions for improvement.

My suggestions:


The title: the kidnapped transformation.

Each word of your title, in this case, should be capitalized.

First sentences, or introduction as written by you:

your name is Roger James. you are a very poor man who has lost his job at a secret government facility, who has since made you unemployable. you cannot get a job but what they don't know is that you took with you the knowledge of their last experiment. the mine swapping potion. and now after careful searching you found a life worth stealing but who is it. you found five subjects. and kidnapped them all. tied up in your large apartment which you will be evicted from next month.

My suggested improvements:


Your name is Roger James. You are a very poor man, who has lost his job at a secret government facility, which has since, made you unemployable. You cannot get a job. But, what they don't know, is that you took with you the details of their latest experiment, the mind swapping potion. Now, after searching carefully, you have found a life worth stealing. But, whose life is it? You found five people and kidnapped every one of them. They are tied up in your large apartment . . .


A summary of the above suggestions: Listed in the order in which they appear, beginning with the first sentence.

#1 Capitalize your, it's the first word of a sentence.

#2 Capitalize you, it's the first word of the next sentence.

#3 Capitalize you in the next sentence, because it's the first word, and add a comma before but, because it joins two independent clauses.

#4 In the same sentence, change the period after experiment to a comma, because the following words: the mine swapping potion. are not a complete sentence. Adding a comma after experiment, and continuing with the mine swapping potion makes it a complete sentence.

#5 The rest of the suggestions are self-explanatory . . .


These are only suggestions, I hope they will enhance your writing. Keep on writing . . .

Kind regards, jackson.

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
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12
12
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)


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         This review is meant to be encouraging, but at the same time to take notice of ways the item might be improved. Errors in punctuation, or any sort of errors, are not the heart of an item, the words contained within the item are its heartbeat. Your item contains good words, the breathing of the heart . . . Any suggestions I make are meant to be positive and encouraging. A few words can convey a deep meaning, and yours have done so.


         Hello m00n90,
Your Writing.Com account anniversary is this month, happy anniversary.

My suggestions for improvement:



The title:

Your sad is not special

My suggestion: Your Sadness is Not Special

The reason for my suggestion:

In this case the word Your is denoting that sad belongs to an unnamed person. For example, a person could say: (your sad face) because there is a noun after (sad). Sad is an adjective, in your title there is no noun for it to describe, or modify. By using sadness which is a noun, the sentence is complete.

First line: Your sad is not special.

My suggestion: Your sadness is not special.

Conclusion:


It's a good thought, our sadness is not special; we are only one of millions.

Keep on writing, be happy . . .

Regards, jackson
13
13
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello atkbereaoh,

I noticed your story on Writing.Com, and decided to send you a review. To be truthful, I see potential in your writing, but I have a few suggestions to improve your story. These suggestions are only one readers opinion, and are meant to be helpful.

Your sentence:

It happens to be on the one day after Thanksgiving known as Black Friday that Barbara woke up.

You might try writing it like this:

It happened to be Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, when Barbara woke up.

Your next two sentences:

She saw Jeff still sleeping next to her and gave him a kiss on the nose. That was before she rolled over and looked out the bedroom window.

My suggestion:

She saw Jeff, still sleeping next to her, and gave him a kiss on the nose before she rolled over and looked out the bedroom window.

Your next sentence:

"It's snowing!" was what Barbara said after smacked on Jeff's butt.

My suggestion:

After smacking Jeff on the butt, Barbara said, "It's snowing!"

Your next sentence:

And when he woke up and saw the snow falling, Jeff laid his hands on Barbara's shoulders and said "It sure is. What do you think we should tell Elizabeth?"


My suggestion:

When he woke up and saw the snow falling, Jeff laid his hands on Barbara's shoulders as he said, insert comma after said "It sure is; what do you think we should tell Elizabeth?"

Your sentence:

"Just that the groom and maid of honor are going to be a little late." was what Barbara said before she rolled over and kissed Jeff so deeply on the lips.

My suggestion:

"Just that the groom and the maid of honor are going to be a little late," Barbara said, before rolling over to kiss Jeff deeply on the lips.

Keep writing, you have potential. I hope these suggestions are helpful.

Regards, jackson
14
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Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


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         Hi Amy du Lac Bleu,
In appreciation of it being the month of another year since you became a member of WdC, I send you this review. Happy anniversary.

I Thought I Saw You, is a lovely verse. It's pleasing to the ears and the soul. I think it would be a sweet song if it was performed as a ballad, Just the one verse, then repeated, and ending with the first line again, voice going lower with each word and fading out. I thouhgt I saw you . . .


Suggestions:


None of the written word is perfect, but some words are better left untouched; these are some of them. Well done!


Conclusion:


Lovely! My favorite line was: Every line. Keep on writing.

Regards, jackson
15
15
Review of Reflections  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

         Greetings Pumpkin Spice Sox,
Happy Writing.Com account anniversary! In your story, this guy is almost out on his feet when he steps from the bar into the alley, but not quite. He's still cognizant. In the alley, he sees the creature. Even though it's beyond horror in its looks, fear does not know his name, had never known his name. But, he realizes later, he should have been afraid.

In the dim light of the alley, he bravely walks on, stepping over the creature's shadow as he does so. In that instant, his world changes . . . normality is gone.

Somehow, he manages to get home, gets inside and heads to the bathroom. He wets his face at the sink, looks up and into the mirror. The face looking back at him is not his; it's the creature's face. Now, he is the one who lurks in alleys forever.

It's a good story, told well, and it held my attention throughout. The plot was well formulated and it was easy to follow the storyline throughout its entirety. This reader could sense the fear the protagonist should have felt. The story is a thing of beauty. My favorite line was: I tasted the William Tell Overture and felt prickly.

Regards, jackson
16
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Review of Pajama Feet  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

         Hello DJ. Venson,
Happy Writing.Com account anniversary! Your item, Pajama Feet, is beautiful, but at the same time, sad. The emotions and fear that little boy must have went through . . . to have his momma die when his need was the most.

         To be so happy one moment, because beneath the Christmas tree he saw the many toys Santa brought. And in the next second, to his momma run, to tell her Santa came despite her saying he would't.

. . .to find her cold beneath his touch, his heart will cry forever.

In the spirit of poetic license, I offer no suggestions for changes or improvement.

Regards, jackson
17
17
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.

Good afternoon, KingsSideCastle,

Your story, (The Wandering Child) was a good read. It was easy to fall into the story as I read along. It's about a man named Tom and his quest far into a desert in search of the oracle. Eventually, Tom succeeds in his adventure and leaves the desert to go home, happy with the knowledge he received from the oracle.

This review is meant to be helpful; the suggestions I will make below are the opinion of one reader. It's a great story, with potential to be better.
Below are my suggestions for the punctuation.

Punctuation:

Your sentence in the fourth paragraph: "Did you?" the child asked.

My suggestion: The question mark after (you) ends the sentence. It's better to write it like this, (The child asked, "Did you.?")

Your sentence in the sixth paragraph: "I admit it can be farfetched but I wouldn't go so far as to say it was impossible."

My suggestion: You need to place a comma before (but), as it joins two independent clauses.

Your sentence in the eighth paragraph: The dog barked angrily but the kid put an arm gently on its head calming it down.

My suggestion: Place a comma before but, it joins two independent clauses.

Your sentence in the eleventh paragraph: "Of course not" he quickly added

My suggestion: You need a comma after (not) and a period after (added.) "Of course not," he quickly added.

Your sentence in the final paragraph capitalizes (Oracle), but where it appears in other parts of the story, you do not. To be consistent, it's a good thing to capitalize (oracle) every time, or not at all.


It's a good story, and can be great . . . These suggestions are only the opinion of one reader.

Regards, jackson
18
18
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window.review.

         Hey drboris,

Squirrels? While you were on vacation . . . seems like a scurry of unruly squirrels caused you all sorts of problems. You've came up with a good tale here. I enjoyed reading it. You created a good setting and plot, and your telling of the tale was consistent. Good job.
I noticed a few things while reading . . . to help make your story better, I'll pass them along.

Punctuation

In this sentence, (It looked pretty innocent from that distance; after all it is simply . . .)

A comma needs to be placed following (after all) because it introduces the rest of your sentence, it's an introductory phrase.

In this sentence, (He steadfastly refused to let go until I hit turned the windscreen sprayer on.) Hit needs to be changed to had.

Spelling

Un bagging is spelled incorrectly, it should be spelled: unbagging.

Gut wrenching should be spelled: gut-wrenching.

The above noted things are only one readers opinion, to use at your discretion. Overall, it's a good story.

Regards, jackson
19
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Review of David and Goliath  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.

Hi debmiller1,
Happy Writing.Com account anniversary! Your story, (David and Goliath) is a sweet, little story. The particulars of the story are well set out, and follow a good path through the story until reaching the end. It's about Dave Langtry, a new employee of the US Border Patrol. Seems old Dave is bored with the inactivity around his post. He's alone, and he's been looking at cactus plants all day, throwing a few rocks, time and again, to pass the hours until he's picked up when his shift is over.

Suddenly, Dave hears voices not so far away, and thinks it's fellow workers hazing him, after all, it's his first day of employment at the US Border Patrol. But old Dave realizes he is wrong when a snarling, teeth-baring chupacabra starts coming at him. The US Border Patrol arrives and kills the chupacabre, and old Dave ends up a hero. The rest of the story can be read in debmiller1's portfolio.

Spelling: Your spelling of (chupacabra) is not quite right; you spell it (chupecabra.) The other aspects of the story, punctuation, plot, word flow and grammar, are fine. Good writing!

Regards, jackson

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "Meal Ticket" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review

Good morning, IceSkatingSugarCube,

Have a happy WdC account anniversary! Your story, for the reader of this review, is about a man named Rex. Rex has been altered by the situation he now finds himself in. In a past part of his life, things had been better. He hadn't had to climb into dumpsters in search of his next meal. He hadn't had to become a beggar, hoping for small change to put in his pocket. He hadn't had to sleep in a park, or some other borrowed, unsafe place . . . but that all changed and he found himself doing all these things.

Now though, these things were just reminders that what he was doing now, even if it was repulsive to his heart, had put him in a better life. He had a home, a place to be himself. He had a job, with a steady paycheck. What he was doing did not matter to him, whether it was right or wrong. And in his lost heart, he knew it was wrong. He was a (finder.) He found whatever was on his employer's list and delivered it to him.

The job put a roof over his head, and some change to jingle in his pocket. Now, he could listen to the sounds dollar bills made when extracted from his wallet. The particulars of the job did not matter to him.

Find out what Rex is doing for his employer by reading the story for yourself; I highly recommend it.

The grammar, spelling and other things a story needs to be successful, are all first rate. I have one suggestion: When Mr. Fernberry croons, "Nicely done."

Depending on the style guide you are using, a new paragraph needs to be started with Rex's reply.

"Want me to undress her, Boss?"

Thank you, for sharing your story.

Regards, jackson
21
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Review of How Old Are You?  Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hi QueenNormaJeanmaybe...

Your item: (How Old Are You) is a lovely example of a grandmother's love and care for her granddaughter. Jamie, the grandaughter, who's only just turned the age of four, is like most children, curious and inquisitive. She's playing with her Barbie doll and at the same time, asking her grandmother. "How old are you, Grandma?" A sweet scene . . . They converse, back and forth, until at the end Jamie climbs into her grandmother's lap while saying " I love you, Grandma."

Grandmother hems and haws and never does get around to telling her exact age. Your item is punctuated very well, with no other kind of errors. The good grammar, spelling and other aspects of a good story are all present in your writing of this story. Thank you for sharing your excellent story with us readers.

Regards, jackson
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Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "Hiding Out" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

IceSkatingSugarCube,
I love it! For one who reads this, it's the story of two brothers who share their misadventures in the world of life. They each have a compelling sense of humor. Laughter and delight give them energy. One incident, which the author shares with us is: The brothers, Jasper and Roly decide to go out, mess with old man Crowley's chickens, and have a little fun. During their fun, they had to dodge a red liquid Mr. Crowley sprayed at them. He missed, and the liquid's fumes entered his house, chasing his wife and children out from the effects of the liquid. Roly and Jasper rolled in the dirt, tears coming in ther eyes from laughing so hard.

Old man Crowley chased them a long way, but they escaped, and full of merriment, went home for a nap until their next escapade.

The part I like best . . . The whole story is exceptional, but in the last sentence where it is revealed that Jasper and Roly are (raccoons) is special.

Punctuation: One tiny thing in this sentence, ("Hey, Jasper, what was that stuff?" my brother asked.)

I would capitalize (My) because the question mark ends the prior sentence, and write it like this: (My brother asked, "Hey Jasper, what was that stuff?")

Your grammar, spelling and other mechanics of writing are excellent. Great story . . .
Regards, jackson
23
23
Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "🏆A New Friend" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

A "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. review.
An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello IceSkatingSugarCube,

Happy WdC account annivesary.
What a lovely scene you've created. I like it! It involves a bartender who's an old man soon to be put into an assisted living home. Despair is in his heart; he wants to be independent, to stay in his own home. Then, as he stands behind the bar getting ready to throw out the stale coffee, the bar door opens. He eyes her rosy cheeks and silver hair as she takes a seat at the bar, gives her some coffee.

She says, "They'll be here soon."

A van, from the same assisting living place he is being forced into, pulls up outside. She goes out and is helped into the van. He smiles as he eyes her in his mind. Just maybe . . . he thinks, it was not a bad idea, living in the same assisted living home as her.

I noted no errors of any sort while I was reading this. The punctuation, grammar and the whole story is great.

Regards, jackson
24
24
Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "Goodbye, Jayjay" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Have a happy WdC account anniversary! Oh boy! This is a heck of a story! Great! The lead character, Mark, is a second grader. On this day, he is all dressed up for the funeral of his best friend, Jayjay. Suit and tie, solemn in his heart, and all the other things a boy feels when his best friend has died.

The part I liked best . . . because until I read it, I thought Jayjay was a human, was when Mark lifted the cigar box and placed it in the hole by the bed of roses.

I have two tiny suggestions for these sentences: "Okay, kids! Come get refreshments!" his mother called . . ."

Capitalize (his)

"Do you think you'll get another lizard?" one of his classmates asked. (One) needs capitalization. Or alternately, begin each sentence with the phrase at the end, followed by a comma. (One of his classmates asked, "Do you think you'll get another lizard?")

I loved this!

regards, jackson
25
25
Review of A Box of Weeds  Open in new Window.
for entry "A Box Of Weeds" Open in new Window.
Review by jackson Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

An "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window. review.
A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review.

Hello IceSkatingSugarCube,

Happy WdC account anniversary again. I had to read this story because of the title, A Box of Weeds. For those who haven't read this, it's a story of innocence, love, compassion happiness and at the last, sadness. The narrator of the story is Isaiah, an eight year old boy. Isaiah is returning from a roadtrip with his parents when he first sees the box on the floor of their car; it disturbs him. Many speculations run through his mind as to what it could be. Later, he finds out it is a box of weeds. Isaiah has no clue; he thinks it is so strange that his parents are carrying around a box of weeds, and guarding the box.

After a few dramatic happenings, the family arrives home. There, the box of weeds is presented to Isaiah's grandmother who is suffering from cancer . . . she cries with love.

I do have one suggestion. In this sentence: ("Flat tire?" his mom questioned.) (His) needs to be capitalized. I loved the story, great writing.

Regards, jackson
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