I really like this start, I will be interested to see what you make of it as you continue on the same line of thought. It reminds me of the antihero, the lone wolf the character that must carry the story almost against his will, for it to reach a conclusion often only after great cost to him.
I enjoyed this piece it is the classic mischief of a genie. I love that it took some time for Alex to understand the clear warning-yet not a true warning the Genie first gave. He ultimately fell for the trick of the Genie when his guard was down. I love that such a harmless thing as a product jingle was his ultimate undoing.
This has the making of an interesting story. It already has my brain asking question surrounding the two characters of the old man and Dojiro. This question is what make me pick up a book and not put it down until I have read it completely. I would love to read more of this story. My only criticism is that the conversations need to be broken up ex: putting actions with a phrase so one can easily follow as the quips and conversation jump between characters. Spacing would also help I had to re-read the conversation a couple times before I was sure I had the correct statement with the correct character.
I like the start of this story the sisters in the beginning have very strong personalities and differences were often seen in siblings that are a few years apart. I know my sister and I are as different as night and day. It did cause me to pause when they began talking as the house as also their office. It just seemed to come out of the blue. You spent a lot of time describing the home and the conflict of styles, then almost as an afterthought mentioned clients and the offices. You seem to be building on the characters nicely and I am interested to see how they will progress.
This is a very interesting piece, with the current state of the world. I do not share all the same views as the speaker, but I can see where they are drawing their point of view. The only criticism I would give is in the structure of the work itself. The piece seems to lack a flowing structure, but seem more jagged and unorganized which does go with the imagery of the work. So if that was you intent, my criticism is more of a personal preference.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:40am on Dec 28, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "