This is quite funny, and it helps me confirm something I knew all along. Those stupid disposable things are made just to make you spend a ton of money. If you had to use that thing every three days you'd through about 10 a month. My regualar toilet brush and good old clorox bleach last me for months, since I clean the brush on a regualar basis also. Not only is that a waste of money but it's just more trash to clog up the envoirnment. So it drains us and the planet!
So thank you for a funny informative article about the dangers of disposable cleaning items. Maybe that's not why you wrote it, but that's what I got out of it. So now I think everyone should read this and boycott disposable cleaning items!
Ok off my soap box now and here to tell you that you wrote a great piece. I loved the ending. Really funny. I love clorox. It's great stuff.
Keep up the great work and keep on writing!
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This seems like it should be written like a diary or journal entry, just maybe not in a whole book item on here. That's just what it comes off like.
A decent desription of what you felt before your first madcap gettaway. Maybe it could have been a bit more descriptive. Any butteflies in your stomach? Sweaty palms? Maybe just get a little bit deeper.
And just as a side note, if you were a 1 or 2 he wouldn't have asked you out, so know for sure you are definatly more than that! Don't down yourself girl.
Well written story you have here. When I first saw it to be so very short, I thought it might be a dissapointment, but it wasn't. I was quite surprised you could pack so much story into such a short amount of space. I've read microfiction before and have been mostly unsatisfied. Thank you for showing me it can be done.
While the story is told well, it is quite obvious from the begining what would happen. This is a story I have read many times in some variation. You still brought fresh life to it though I think just by trying to do it in such a short amount of space.
Great poem. We spend our youth wanting to be older and our adult life wanting to be younger! I really liked the message here and the flow of the poem was very good. It danced on my tounge like a good poem should.
I was going to put that there was one part I didn't understand but as I pasted it here, I got it, so nevermind. I can find nothing wrong with this great poem. Great job.
Keep up the good work and keep on writing.
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What a beautiful peace. Full of love and deeper feelings. Simple and elgent. I like your ryhming scheme. You did not feel the need to over do the ryhming, instead only rhyming the 2nd and 4th lines of each stanza.
I also like that you talk about the good and the bad when it comes to love and that it is sometimes hard and takes work, but is, in the end, worth it.
Great job. Keep on writing!
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This is a great account of a messed up life. But still a life well lived. Harshness and beauty intermingly to make something that an "in your face" kind of greatness.
I only have a few very minor suggestions. Take em or leave as you will. I understand how you have the begining and end kind of smashed to gether in order for the words of stength to really stand out. That's great. I like it. But you sort of have paragraphs by ending early and starting on the very next line, which is ok, but it looks like some of them are not cut off at the right point. Like the part where it is hoped that the dead guy watched his brains spill out. You have it written on one short line "slow watching his own brains spill" then you end that line and go to the next to finish the sentence. Plus there should be a comma there after "slow"
The only other suggestion I have is to let the reader know who said the "strong words from a strong man". Was this something you came up with? It sounds like you are attributing it to someone else but do not tell us who.
That's it for suggestions. Great piece and great writing. Keep up the good work!
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Even better than the survey it's self is the scoring and meanings. I really loved the last part for "raving lunatic". It was a little bit of work trying to add up all the points ourself, but reading what you had to say made it all worth it. I usually get annoyed at things that are locked with a passkey, but it really worked with this. It makes the people take the insanity test instead of skipping ahead and looking at what you have written for results.
Great job. Keep up the good work.
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This is great and had me laughing so hard in some parts. I love that you posted things you overheard as well as famous quotes and bits from songs and movies and such. I have a journal that kind of does that.
I really loved the one about the boyfriend, the sorta boyfriend, and the kinda boyfriend.
There is quiet a bit of odds and ends we here in life that make great statements on there own, or just funny things that make you question "what the heck?". So it's great that you did just that and put all that wierd stuff together. I have a great one I'll email you, if you are still accepting new ones for this.
Keep up the great work, and keep on writing.
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Yikes. This can hurt your head if you aren't use to reading old english. It's been a long time since I have read any old english, so it hurt just a litte. Despite any short term pain, it was quite fun to read.
A great idea for a contest too, but if you want to make it an honest to God/Goddess contest, then go for it. You have it as a static item. Go ahead a make it a contest maybe with a forum for newbies to give it there best shot at defining those words. Plus by making it a contest it will show up in the contest catagory for those looking for them. As a static item it may get lost in the shuffle.
Maybe after the contest you can write a translation piece for the rest of us. I got most of it, but others may have a harder time, or some may have an easier time. But a translation will help those learn that haven't really read anything like this before. Just an idea.
Keep on writing!
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Although you have some rhyming is all over the place, and even though your stanza are a few different lengths, this piece still has a strangely haunting flow to it. Made for a very vivid image in my mind and just has a great rythem to it.
I like the line "Your squeaking hinges". That's not a set of words you usually see in poetry but you really made it work, and it really stands out as unique.
Very interesting piece. I'm not a christian myself by I can still appriciate a well written poem. Plus I have to agree with the poem that it was pretty stupid how Jesus died. But he probably knew it was going to go down like that. Man can be insufferable at times. Many have died because of the fear and stupidity of man. I also like the message from Jesus sent in the dream. It seems like softly spoken power instead of just hitting us over the head with his message.
The only thing that throws off this beautiful poem is the last line. While the sentiment is fine, the words don't flow as well as the rest of the poem. At the very least the line looks like it needs to be broken up some. Maybe with a comma or by making it a question and a statement.
Keep up the great work!
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I would say you need to post a better description of this story, but I won't. If you changed the description to include either the chess playing or the 4 horsemen I probably would have passed up the story all together. I find chess a boring game(even though I also love the song "One Night in Bankok", and the horseman too overdone. In the end though, this was a great story that grabbed my attention from the start and kept me quite happy to read all the way through to the end. Even if I did moan once the names were rattled off, it was still a great story, with excellent writing.
I just don't understand who Mishki is supposed to be, or what the significance of August 12th is. He said that they know him by his real name, so it's only fair he should start calling them by their real names, but the reader is never told who Mishki really is, or is just some smuck who playes a mean game of chess, so his father started all of this?
All in all a great story. Keep up the great work!
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This is funny as heck.(I'd rather use the real word here, but I usually post these pubically) I read it about 3 times, just beacuase it was so funny.
Of course after reading it 3 times, I realized this would actually be the perfect job. You get paid and don't really have to do anything. We should all be so lucky! I don't really mean this though. It would be nice for about a week, then I'd go nuts without any challenge in my day. Then again, I could just spend my day writing, and still be supported even if I don't get published. So never mind. Where do I send my resume?
I really liked the end part with the toilet seat comment. Also I loved the part with the report. No so much the what was done on the report but the mention that it might be handed to some other employee in the future as an example to follow.
Keep up the great work and your wonderful sense of humor!
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You had me cringing in parts of you're essay here. Haha, just kidding. I know that would be "your essay".
I do have to admit, I couldn't remember what homonyms were, but once I started reading, I was with you all the way. I always try to read it out fully so I can make sure to use the correct word or contraction. I agree they can be quite cringe inducing when used inncorrectly.
You did a great job with examples, and you wrote the essay with a touch of humor, which made it really easy and fun to read. Great job.
I think I'll send people your way when I read these mistakes in their work, so hopefully they will read and learn!
What a great story. No wonder you got a ribbon for it. It certainly deserves it. This is truely a great piece of writing.
I loved the whole story. I loved the way you told it from the cat's point of view. I loved the musings of the past of the first time they saw each other. I liked the way you did the incantations. Pretty clever.
The detailing was great, like each time Toby had to get something you described how he got it and how he decided which way to get it. Like with the feather, how if he used his mouth he'd keep feeling it on his tounge for long after.
Everything about this stoy is great. I would suggest to anyone looking for a well told story go read this story!
Well this is all well and good, but it seems too neat and tidy. Life is messy, but the story doesn't really show that. It works I guess as a nice dream we wish would happen. We would want stuff like that to never happen, but barring that we wish the ones who do those sort of things would get what they deserve.
As far as the "good ol' boy' network" mentioned in the begining of the story, it doesn't really work. Mostly what the good ol' boy network is what was found in the woods. If they don't actually hang blacks, they at least hate them. That term pretty much already means well off, souther, white men with a racist's streak a mile wide. So to revealing them as racist later in the story really didn't surprise me, since in a way you already called them racist.
Your writing was easy to read and interesting with no glaring spelling or grammatical errors. The details of the bodies hanging from the trees were chilling and definately set the atmosphere for the story.
I loved the fact that you used the name Christian, Mississippi for this grisly tale to unfold. Very Ironic. And fitting with the good ol boy network since they mostly seem to be christians also.
All and all I quite enjoyed the story. Keep on writing!
Cute little story. I like the way you wrote it. It's like hearing it told more than actually reading it.
I like the litte side note added in there. There are too many people like that. There truck is cleaned and waxed, but tons of trash in the bed of the truck.
I liked the ending with the lesson given. Since I'm in the process of loosing weight right now, I'll keep this lesson in mind.
The only thing slightly off about this story is that is seems to be written to be read by only those who know you personally. It doesn't really take too much away from it though, just thought I'd point it out as someone who doesn't know you.
Another excellent article. I love reading your articles the most, because of the setup. I love the quotes from the Quran to back up everything, as always.
The grammer is on target and the article is interesting an intellegently written.
The only problem I have with this is toward the end. When you talk about men in other countries having mistress, but pologomy being outlawed. Maybe you were talking about specific countries, in which case you should state which ones they are. I believe the only one I know of is Japan. It's some kind of tradition or something to have a mistress. Here in the USA it may happen, but it is not legal by any means. In fact my husband was married before me, and because the divorce was on the grounds of his adultry. The fact was they had both moved on to other people, but she wanted to stick it to him, so that fact was left out. He wanted out, so he didn't put up a fight. Because of the adultry charge, he could never get the custody of his child, even though they were living in deplorable conditions. He also couldn't marry anyone for seven years after his divorce. If mistress are kept here it is out of stupidity but it is not legal.
It was a bit dissapointing to have you state the things you did, without pinpointing the truth, such as if there is a country where it is actually legal.
This is very good except for one thing. The set up. Is this suppose to be a poem? It does not read like one at all, even with the rhyming. Reads more like an editorial article. No matter how hard I tried I could get no rythem out of it except as an article.
It is really good though. I also agree that a death sentence for anyone for adultry is absurd. Is this based on a certain person?
Unfortunatly this is not the worst mistreatment of women. What you wrote about is a subject that needs to be discussed. More people should be aware of what goes on in other parts of the world. They will start to realize they are very lucky and maybe start to do something to help change things, if it is possible.
This is really good. The ending could be a little longer would be my only complaint. You don't really go into how it helped her overcome her monstrosity, so maybe that should be dropped or maybe add how she felt after the incident. Did she feel better?
You managed to make a very strong character, even in such a short story. She was someone people could connect to and feel her pain. On the other hand, that's what makes me feel it needs to be longer. It's mostly character, and not enough story.
The story it's self is entertaining. The problem I have was right in the beging. If this had been a story in a book, with no rate and review system, I would not have finished. Here I like to finish the stories I start so I can rate and review. The thing that would have normally stopped me cold is the insult to all your readers in the line "OK! I'm sorry! I'll get on with it. s***, you really are the impatient type, aren't you?!" After reading the entire thing, the only person it sounds like the character is talking to is the reader. Insulting them like that is not a very good call. Chances are they aren't impatient, so why yell at them like that. After reading the entire thing I can realize that the chacater is crazy, but that's all the way at the end. So even if he's crazy, it's still no need to insult the reader like that. The chacater is not likable at all.
I liked the style it was written in and your horror movie refrences, although the Alan Ormsby refrence was a little more obscure(I had to look it up). The "Night of the Living Dead" references were great. Adding the qoute was a nice touch.
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