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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ohyda
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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by ohyda Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, sorry for this review being not a review, I was just about to close the web when I was your poem. I'm really sorry but I need to go to sleep, so excuse this quick message.

Your piece is simply beautiful and I happily give you a 5!

Have a good night!
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Review of Prologue  Open in new Window.
Review by ohyda Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey there!
I was suggested this prologue after I have submitted my chapter, I though I ought to give it a go!
I have to apologize, I will not be following the reviewing rules since this is short and really easy to get the head around, I hope that's okay.

Normally, I tend not to judge the story unless I am quite a way in. In fact I don't express such opinion until I have finished the whole book. Here, I have a couple of thoughts.

First of all, as soon as I see the name shadowmancer I think of rpg games. I am not saying this is where your influence comes from, yet is feels like that a little. The plot itself, as far as you can say a prologue has one, seems cliche but not to a noticeable extend - in other words, nothing wrong with it!

The first few lines seems fabulous and the have drawn me in, well done, but in a way that was lost towards the end. Yet again, not to worry.
The following sentence however was confusing:

"Sven take you, you worthless…"

Do you mean "you are worthless" by any chance? Because if that not be the case, you need to say that he was interrupted, something stopped him form finishing the insult. The sentences after that also end quite queering:

"Now, now. Is that any way to ask for help? I did not say that they were mine merely that if they were that you could not do anything about it." Humans can be so perplexingly sensitive sometimes.

What I mean is the last bit. I assume, logically, that this is the first POV narrator 'mancer, but I am a keen reader who wants to read and be taken for the story. I have no time to guess whether you forgot to include the "" or whatever else is happening. How about: Listening to their absurdities, or quarrels, or up to you I began to question how .... bla bla. Or, ... I was once again reminded how perplexingly sensitive humans are. Is perplexingly even an English word?

That's about it, I give you a 4 only because I am harsh reviewer and because there is not much to review, on the other hand that's of course is good - less is more when it comes to writing, quality over quantity.

Now going back to expand on the plot, this seems like a fantastic story! I wish you all the best with it. Good choice of the names as well, unusual yet readable!

Now finally, tell me, have you ever heard of the series about the Witcher Gerlad by Andrew Sapkowski? For so far I spot a lot of similarities... ;)
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Review by ohyda Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, thanks for this little article, however... Ouch! It seems VERY unfair to me.
To start with, I am young but not a teenager, I still have plenty of younger friend and I work with children with difficulties and as a volunteer counsellor. I well remember my suicidal youth, once I have only been rescued last minute, and your viewpoint seems ridiculously inappropriate. A behaviour like this from a parent will only make the relation fall into a greater despair because the kid will not understand it. Besides, it seems like your starting point are families who were never close, never they have been friends. A parent has to show emotions and concerns. They have to make the child feel like it, rather than run away and dig a deeper grave. Not to mention that parents are the ones who ought to be advised that not everything their teenager does is potentially evil, bad, illegal and will end up as a disaster.
You in fact seem to promote parents NOT understanding the young adult's needs, especially since there is no way of talking the teenager out of their idea, unless they are already friends with their parents. And maybe I don't have much experience because I am young, but being in a situation like that, in rehabs and meeting different people I am pretty convinced about the truth-value of that I am saying.
If I only could, I would beg to revise it and include some things I have mentioned, but you are the author here. I just hope I will never see anything like this in a women's magazine, because it gave me the impression of all the hate that could grew out of parents taking only this into their account.

However, there are plenty of things I do agree with you, like the approach the parent should have or that they should not fix their children's lives themselves. Yet this pleads for the advise for the parents to STOP OVER-WORRYING and allow their kids to grow up. Once past that age, they will understand. There are plenty of bad scenarios of that; a best friend of mine at the age of 15 ended up in a rehab for both nervous disorders, drug addiction and self-mutilation including numerous suicide attempts, because her parents were exactly like you advised. She was therefore doing everything to get their attention. On the other example my current best friend, a lovely woman and kindest, most caring and loving person, one of those you would save if you would have to chose one, was a little rebel, twice suspended form school for dying her hair pink at the age of 14 and another reason, but they parents allowed that and they even supported her through friendship, understanding and conversation and she had no need to do all the other"bad things." They are still the happiest family one could imagine. Luck? I don't think so, for there are plenty more examples.

I have the impression that you are a person, psychiatrist or someone who works with troubles parents rather than the youth of whole families.

I hope this did not offend you, but I just couldn't agree.

Keep up the love and good advice, thank you very much for this article, it kept me thinking.
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Review of Beneath the Stars  Open in new Window.
Review by ohyda Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,
I am newbe so I beg a pardon if this is not the best review, I do honestly struggle with poetry, it does not come naturally to me and I don't really know how to review it despite the guidelines.
I give you a 4 in rating and will not comment at the theme, as a Philosophy graduate I'd have just toooo much to say about it. However, the idea behind and the ending seem to me a little detached "is someone looking down at me?". It's not like I don't understand your thinking, not at all. It's only that I would never go about it this way myself.

As to your style, it flows well. You don't use unnecessary metaphors and words one need to look up, which on this occassion seems to be a plus!
However,
maybe it's because English is not my first language and sometimes stumble, or may be I am right, however... The following line "to lay beneath the stars I must" seems terribly unnecessary. I don't want to suggest what you do about it, just have a look and see if you know what I mean. If not - you're the author!
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