Hey Dutch Hill Girl,
Just read your story and thought I'd give you my thoughts on it.
I found it a fun story and busy story. While I've never been faced with such a situation I do recall the craziness of having multiple children around which made a great obstacle for your character's need to get the house ready for inlaws.
I thought that the interaction between mom and each child to feel real and the dialogue realistic. Sentence structure, spelling etc was great. I thought it great too that the four children helped out in this surprise and that all of their names begin with a 'candy cane'.
I was a little confused about some of the rings. I believe that four of them were from the children but I really don't know what a dentist ring is so some explanation in the story about that would be helpful (is it a retainer)? I also assume that final ring was a Christmas gift from Jeff. If the personal nature of the rings were clearer I believe it would fully round out the story.
Hope these words are helpful. I'm sending some GP with this review and ask that you take a look at my small portfolio and also invite you check out my blog at http://undermywheels.com
Hey, I really liked your story. I liked the way you started it at a pivotal moment in the story (the bar questioning the patron) and then the ominous warning. It felt a little rushed at the end but I understand the 1000 word limit issue. Nice story, congrats. You write like you've written this genre before.
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