\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/onemoredraft
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by OneMoreDraft Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Brom,

I really enjoyed your short story. Overall, it flows very well. There are a few items I will offer for your review.
1) In the first sentence I think you could of just said, "...hunched over his desk looking melancholy."
2) Later on you could say "He sighed before opening the door".
3) Did he sit back down before he put his hands on his desk?
4) Think about whether "the Lord is using you" or the Lord is with you.
5) Spelling: "I'm looking forward to your sermon..." "at the side of the chair aisles".
6) Inter dialogue, ...what's the use.
7) Remove quotations after ...a flushed face.
Lastly, think about some words that could be removed for instance remove likewise, typical in front of style,with those words, etc.
Your dialogue is so so good. You must really have an ear for how people speak to each other.

OMD


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by OneMoreDraft Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Doctor Dirt.

I sorry for the passing of your first wife. This poem shows how much you miss her. The poem is excellent just so you know.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/onemoredraft