I enjoyed reading your story. Your descriptions are great. I felt as I was there watching the whole thing. Great suspense, I thought just like he did that he was about to get lucky and then you hit the reader with terror of this poor unlucky dude getting killed by this woman. The only thing that you might add is some back story on her. What makes her want to seduce men then kill them? Was she abused as a child? I hope that this information has helped you.
I wish that I had read the first chapter before reading this.
Kudos Though You have done such a good job in the opening of the second chapter. The reader can feel the characters mental and emotional pain and guilt. This is believable because many of us have lost someone close to us in a tragedy like this. Then your character flips and becomes angry with the deceased for getting involved with the guy who was driving. Carissa is very real as if I know her.
Without warning, you flip to Ireland's point of view and it becomes as though we are in purgatory, this could be a little confusing to the reader. Not sure how to do it but a little smoother transition would be advised.
I want to know a little more about this building, according to "Ireland it looks grand we need more description here.
Why does Ireland dislike Remington so much? He seems like a likable person or angel not sure at this point which one he is.
I am not really one for reviewing grammar because, I am not that great at and I struggle with it in my own writing.
I am looking forward to reading more of your story so please let me know as you post more chapters here.
I liked it very much. I liked Mia, The whole story line was great. I was blown away when she found her mother dead, and her father had came back. It was so unexpected. I felt bad for her when she so badly wanted to tell her love intrest how she felt about him.
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