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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Title: 1st Haunted Library Horror Contest Review
 
From: Ash Author Icon

 
Hi Escape Artist Author Icon! Thanks so much for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. The Librarians greatly appreciate your participation!
 
What I like:
 
         You do a good job of avoiding the clichéd "dark and stormy night". You open with the kingfisher and the setting, and the noises from the mountain. Then we meet the two adventurers. Both women have their own character, and a relationship is established before they find the "cave". You elevate the tension with an oncoming storm, and the fact that nobody knows where they are. Sarah's inability to step back from danger and curiosity lead them further up the mountain after setting up camp for the night.
 
I like that the story ends where it began, with the kingfisher watching what happens on the mountain, and then the silence that unsettles him.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't really have any suggestions. I am curious as to whether the spiders were an original part of the setting, or if they were brought there.
 
Thanks for entering our first contest!
 
--Ash
 
A Note about the Contest: There are two judges for this activity. All 17 entries will be reviewed before winners are announced. Winners will be announced no later than January 20th. Winners will be e-mailed and the contest page will be updated as well.




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Review of Jo-Jo the Clown  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Title: 1st Haunted Library Horror Contest Review
 
From: Ash Author Icon

 
Hi willwilcox! Thanks so much for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. The Librarians greatly appreciate your participation!
 
What I like:
 
         I like the setup of the story. we get a snipit of Jo-Jo's life before he is a clown, and can assume he has issues. We also see his transformation. I like that his cape is colorful on the outside and black on the inside (like his soul). I also like that the cape is used again at the end.
 
         What makes this clown story different from what I expected is that you give a reason why he would go after kids, and then give us kids we wouldn't like either. I think overall you do a good job with description and setting, and I like that you end with a new adventure.
 
This story is an older story, but it is also well polished. If there were issues with grammar or spelling, etc. I didn't see any.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't have any suggestions for this story. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
 
An end note/ good luck, etc.
 
--Ash
 
A Note about the Contest: There are two judges for this activity. All 17 entries will be reviewed before winners are announced. Winners will be announced no later than January 20th. Winners will be e-mailed and the contest page will be updated as well.




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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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         Hi! I'm working on reviews for ~Minja~ Author Icon's "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window.
 
What I Like:
 
         I like the way the poem sounds in my head. It feels like there is some rhyme to the poem, which makes the words stronger, or at least easier to read.
 
I like that the word care is repeated so many times, in different ways. There are so many people in the world who believe that they are unappreciated, who worry if their lives will mean anything once they are gone. I think you do a good job of showing the apathy of the no longer "suffering being" after the poem ends.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't have any suggestions for this poem. I think this poem deals with a very hard subject, and a lot of people have had to cope with feelings of worthlessness, as well as the loss of someone they cared about. When someone's reached their lowest low, it is very hard to help them, even if they want help. I like to think that at some level, people are getting better at recognizing that suicide and mental health are real issues, and not something to make light of.
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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         Hi! I'm working on reviews for ~Minja~ Author Icon's "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window.
 
What I Like:
 
         "A Croatian Dreamscape" is a great poem! The tone of the poem is slow and calm. The tone reflects the idea that the vacation was a lazy and relaxing break from the typical day to day grind. I like how the second part of the poem is going back to that same reality and feeling as if the vacation were only a dream.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I have no suggestions for this poem. I like that you have a cover for the item itself that shows a glimpse of where the holiday occurred. It would be cool to see a bigger picture in the poem, but it isn't necessary. I was also curious as to what a cup of char was.
 
I am glad that you took the time to write this poem, even if it took you awhile to get it up after your trip. It is fun to learn about other people's adventures. *BigSmile*
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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         Hi GerMac Author Icon! Welcome to Writing.com! This is the first incoming review I have ever received, and I've been on WDC for quite some time. *BigSmile* Below are my thoughts on your poem, take them as you will. I don't know much about music, but I thought this was a nice poem.
 
What I Like:
 
         I like that there is a story in your poem. The story is about the artist's various performances, alongside what he plays for these people. I found this part of the poem interesting, and will focus on it in my suggestions.
 
Suggestions:
 
         Like I mentioned above, I liked the idea that the artist performs everywhere. I think it would be interesting to see how the artist's experience with the music changes in various locations. How do they feel? Do they play a certain set of classical music for their audience? How does the audience feel?
 
Thanks for requesting a review from me! If you are interested, I am running an auction at the moment with various review packages, and some of them have not been bid on at all yet.
 
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2067135 by Not Available.

 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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         This is yet another spectacular story! I will try not to give away the ending in the review. *BigSmile*
 
What I Like:
 
         The colony that Kingyo lives in is well developed. Kingyo is a character that I really liked as he is a dreamer, but he is also a dreamer who goes after his goals with everything he has. His journey up the mountain is well told.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I am curious about the various trades that Kingyo and his people are involved in as they leave school and find ways to help the colony. I am also curious as to whether he will make it home, now that people believe in his ability, though they may redirect it elsewhere.
 
I think I have one more paid for review to do, but I will definitely be checking out the rest of your portfolio after I get the rest of my review list complete.
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
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         Hi GerMac Author Icon! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         "Mama's Bicycle Ride" is a great visual poem. I think you do a good job of describing the path through the countryside that the bike ride takes place on. I don't think it is overly sentimental either. *BigSmile*
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't have any suggestions for this poem. You did a great job!
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
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         Hi BD Mitchell Author Icon! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         I really liked your poem Ai'fir'u'li ("Unseen"). It is a short poem, but there is a message about the fleeting nature of life, and people as they pass through it. I like that you developed your own language for your story and used it to translate your poem. I think it is a cool concept. *BigSmile*
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't have any suggestions. Good luck with your writing!
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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34
34
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
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         Hi ! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         The Wolfman on the Prowl is a very descriptive poem. I like that we get a sense of setting, which the suspense of the poem is built into. I also really liked the twist ending.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I have no suggestions for this poem! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. *BigSmile*
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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35
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Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
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         Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         There is a lot of great visual imagery in this poem about coming to faith. I like the idea of the patchwork quilt and the cast iron pupa (like a cocoon?).
 
Suggestions:
 
         There is a lot about the inner child in the title and description, but I didn't really get much of it in the poem itself. I felt like it was more of a poem about finding faith, than finding one's inner child and setting it free, but then that might be a part of it. Regardless, I thought this was a nice poem *BigSmile*
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review of "UNGH!"  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

 
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         Hi Angus Author Icon! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         There is a lot of buildup to the tension in this piece. The description of the story does a good job hinting at what will happen, so the reader is to some degree in on what will happen when the transformation occurs. I love the way they quip across the dinner table, and the reader has to decide which of the characters is more despicable as they learn what really split the two cousins up.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I'm guessing because this is a prompted piece, you wrote this for Screams!! I think that you do a good job working with the prompt and working in the limitations of the contest. I have no real suggestions to give. I'm just curious why it took so long for revenge to occur. Maybe it was just the right time? *BigSmile* Good job! I thoroughly enjoyed this story.
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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37
37
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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         Hi Spacecat Author Icon! I really liked your take on the "Death of Summer"
 
What I Like:
 
         First, I like the personification of the two seasons. Summer dances and sings like an angel, while September and the other Autumn months are more brutal and knock her around until she departs.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't really have any suggestions for your poem. I think it has a good flow to it, and the imagery is great.
 
The only thing I would say about the seasons is that they might look different in various settings. For example, Autumn in Missouri is awesome because the leaves are changing various colors, and there is the smell of wood smoke. Also, summer could be drought season elsewhere.
 
I enjoyed your poem and hope to read more of your work in the near future!
 
Have you checked out:
 
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2067135 by Not Available.

 
Many of the packages here feature reviews of some kind as well as awardicons and merit badges.
 
--Ash
 


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38
Review of The Red Festival  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Web1* Ash's Daily Horror Reviews *Web2*


         Hi Mista Winstrom Author IconMail Icon! I chose to review your story as you chose to submit it to:
 
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2061722 by Not Available.

 
What I Like:
 
         There is a plot to The Red Festival. A journey is undertaken to save a priestess from a cult. You put a lot of detail into your characters, particularly Agrias and Cyruss. I like that you emphasize the horror of the townfolk as they find their own people dead in the forest. The detail of the cultist characters is well done as well. The settings in your story are well handled and set a tone for the piece as much as the plot of the story.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I would like to have known more about the cult. Why does it worship Makura? What is their purpose in destroying the town, aside from an impure, demonic impulse. Did they originally think that they were doing something good? One of the cultists says something about the blood that bathes the monster man being impure. When Agrias left the temple, I thought he might also be possessed with more than rage, but he seems like himself when he reaches home.
 
         Have you visited any of the other Haunted Library pages on Writing.com? Feel free to check out:
 
"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
 
"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
 
Thanks again for submitting to the Haunted Library Project!
 
--Ash


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39
39
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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         Hi Angus Author IconMail Icon!
 
         Would you like your item to be featured in:
 
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2061654 by Not Available.

 
What I Like:
 
         I like the imagery in your short horror story. I like the mystery behind Tiffany's death, maybe more because it cuts out some of the violence and adds a lot of suspense. On the other hand, I also wanted to know a little more about the relationship and what made Angus snap. I like that Tiffany's dialogue is done in red. It makes her presence in the piece that much scarier.
 
Suggestions:
 
         As to your question about the owl, I like the line, but I think the line about Tiffany forgiving him is a good ending too.
 
         Have you visited any of the Haunted Library pages recently? Feel free to come check out the forums and activities. I am hoping after I graduate I can keep them more regularly updated.
 
"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
 
--Ash


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40
40
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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What I Like:
 
          The story itself is very creative. I like the idea of different kinds of scientists focusing their scientific study on the topic of ghosts. I am curious as to how different ghosts are on each planet that they have studied.
 
          I would love to see more of what the observers and grave diggers are doing. I'm not sure exactly how the futurists create their future world for the Dubbin planet, but it would also be cool to see in scene in a longer work.
 
Suggestions:
 
         For the most part, there seems to be a disconnection between the roles of the gravediggers, the observers, and the futurists, and I think in order to do their jobs, they might need to interact more. I feel like the commanders of the space station communicate with each other fairly well.
 

--Ash


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41
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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What I Like:
 
         I read Nothing but Ghosts first, so it is cool to see a story where the ghosts are far less kind than the humans. I'm curious as to what the ghosts do on different planets if they need humans to work for them. Are they ghosts in a regular sense--like white sheet or spectral ghosts, or are they more like space aliens?
 
         I liked Gorgon's story for the most part. I thought he was an interesting character as he's by himself a lot. It might be interesting to see the entire part of this story through his perspective.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I would like to know more about what the ghosts look like and what they are doing with the humans. How are the planets they claim dying out? Is it in rebellion? Why do the ghosts not think humanity is smart enough to defend itself? What kinds of humans have they dealt with in the past and what is different about Wheyvon that he is acting alone?
 
         I have two more of your stories to read, so hopefully some of these questions will be answered. Thanks for entering the contest!
 
--Ash


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42
42
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm helping ~Minja~ Author IconMail Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I think putting the prompt in a science-fiction setting was a great creative choice. There's a lot going on with the characters themselves, and the importance of their journey. I was curious as to what their purpose was with the children and where they were trying to get to. The interaction of the ghosts on the planet was also interesting. I'm wondering if the ghost planet only becomes a ghost planet because of some terrible event, swept under the rug, and made into scary stories to deter people from checking it out. Are the ghosts really friendly, or do they want to get the humans off of their planet?
 
Suggestions:
 
          Maybe to have more time in the parallel ghost world, you could start the story where they have made a landing on the ghost planet. You could have some of the same tension surrounding the planet and the parts, but you would be able to get to the action faster. There's a lot going on, just inside the space ship, and not a lot of focus on the ghost planet and its inhabitants.
 
         I think you mentioned this was part of a story you are working on, or at least the beginning quotes are. I thought you had an interesting beginning and it would be interesting to see how the parts expand and come together. Good luck with your writing!
 
--Ash


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Review of Land Of The Dead  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi! I'm helping ~Minja~ Author IconMail Icon judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
I particularly like the imagery and scene in the graveyards where skeletons meet to talk and tell stories about human beings. I like that the solution to their fears of a world full of light is to dress up like people who were once alive, as many of them might have once been.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't have any suggestions for Land of the Dead. I thought it was a clever spin on the prompt. I also thought the form of the poem looked like an urn, like you might keep ashes in.
 
Thanks for entering the contest!
 
--Ash


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44
44
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ Author IconMail Icon judge the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I like:
 
Your poem is different from the two poems I have read previously. Your narrator focuses on the misadventure of a young woman who goes through a mirror to the world of the dead. I think that this poem follows the prompt as it deals with some aspect of the "monster" or under world, who are interested in the world of the living on the other side.
 
Suggestions:
 
I'd like to see more of the underworld or the world on the other side of the mirror. It is a hollow place full of screams, so I get a stronger sense of sound than visualization. I love the idea of using a mirror as a gateway to another world.

--Ash


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45
Review of Escape  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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The suspense in "Escape" is well done. I felt nervous for the boy as he darted across the fields, running from a howling figure.
 
Is the cat a narrator? If so, I think it works. The cat only gives the details it can see clearly.
 
I like how you handle the release of tension at the end, with humor. The tone of the story isn't really lost either. The boy loses his fight against taking a bath, but he's already scheming again.

Keep up the good work,

--Ash

P.S.--I will be sending you a C-Note shortly.


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46
46
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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What I Like:
 
I like getting Fritz's backstory, as short as it is. He's an old, lonely man, who loves Halloween because it seems like the only day of the year he is not entirely alone. I love the shock when the little vampire leaps up and attacks him, for the treat. I am hoping Fritz died...that sounds terrible, but I would prefer him not to be lonely for eternity.
 
Suggestions:
 
I'm not sure if the characterization of Mickey and the Princess is supposed to make me think that they are spoiled brats. It kind of made me sad for Fritz that they weren't more enthused, as he expends so much energy on the holiday. They do say thank you after getting candy, though, so that may just have been my own interpretation. I felt like Dracula was there more for comedic horror fun, than blood curdling terror. I love a good humorous, shocking horror story over gore any day. :)
 
This was fun to read!
 
--Ash


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47
47
Review of Vampire Voodoo  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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What I Like:
 
I thought that Vampire Voodoo was well done. I really liked the idea of the vampire trying to enslave a human being as they are themselves slave to their need or desire for blood.
 
Suggestions:
I don't really have any suggestions. I am curious as to whether this would be a poetic parody, or a song parody, though songs and poems are so closely linked that it doesn't really make a difference.
 
This was a fun read! Thank you for posting the Youtube video that inspired the parody. I enjoyed the music even if the lyrics were a little hard to hear.
 
--Ash


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48
48
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*
 
What I Like:
         I think that Paradise Cove Writing Challenge has a nice layout. There is a beautiful image on the page, as well as the little icon next to the link title. There are a few more, less detailed images on the page which help break up the white space.
 
         The rules for Paradise Cove Writing Challenge are fairly easy to read and understand. There are some rules that have changed, shown via slash marks through parts of sections. I think that this is done to show a change has occurred,so that people who have done the challenge on a regular basis aren't surprised...I've seen this on many other group activity rule pages.
 
         I like that the time of the challenge now lasts a whole month, rather than half of the month. It gives more time for people to work through the prompts. I also think that Paradise Cove has a selection of good prompts to choose from.
 
Suggestions:
 
         The rules section is just a bit long and tedious. I like that the checkboxes are used, but I really like the little intricate black designs that occur just above the Rules section and the Prizes section. Maybe the rules section could be broken up just a bit by a smaller version of this divider.

I plan to submit an entry to this contest in the future.

Keep up the good work
 
--Ash
49
49
Review of Tales of Terror  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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What I like about the Tales of Terror page:

You have interesting prompts. The May prompt is especially eery. I may use it in one of my challenges for the Gothic Merit Badge Challenge at Battle for the Badges.

I also love the grimoire. It is an interactive image/book with the rules for the contest listed in a creative way. The interactive grimoire fits the welcome statement.

I also like that the page provides links to group affiliated links, to learn more about what the Tales of Terror is about. I like that you have a survey for those who want to join The Scribes. The survey made me think about different genres of horror that I might need to think about for my own project "The Haunted Library"...it's a closed work in progress.

Suggestions: I have no real suggestions to give. I am curious as to when the next round of Tales of Terror starts. The last contest deadline was in May of this year, so I assume you are working on new ideas?

I would love to participate in this contest in the future. I like the prompts and I think that The Scribes have a creative imagination which is good for both judge and writer to have.

*Candycorn* Ash
50
50
Review of Gatsby Romance  Open in new Window.
Review by Ash Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Item Title: Gatsby Romance

Author:♥HOOves♥ Author IconMail Icon

Type: Poetry

Reviewed by Ash Author IconMail Icon

First Impression:

I've never participated in the Journey Through Genres contest, but I assume that your poem is based very loosely on The Great Gatsby. It wasn't a book that I enjoyed, but I LOVE your poem! The story in the poem of this particular couple is much more intriguing to read as they have a lot of adventures in the time that they are together.

Suggestions:

The opening stanza makes me think that the relationship that the poem goes more into depth about fails. After reading the poem a second time, I get the impression that the couple is broken up by a second relationship and the last stanza is trying to excuse the hurt and ruin caused by it. I also feel like stanza one may be saying that the second relationship comes about because the spouse is less attentive than they should be.

I don't really have any suggestions, I was just curious as to whether I was on the right track.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed reading Gatsby Romance!

Ash


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