I liked this poem. The last line is a shocker. All I can say in reply is that we are all everything. . I do not know much about poetry. My experience is mostly reading Chuck Bukowski. These words are so true, but aren't they true of everyone? You had the courage and the talent to write them. We are all lost in the maya, but maybe, just maybe we have mistaken that we are part of everything and can never really die. Poetry is very hard because it draws from deep inside and that is the place that is beyond thought. Thank you.
I think this is pretty good. A little awkward in places. I would replace:" Or should I my search desist" with Or should my search desist. Then sort of repeat that process in the succeeding lines. The reason I would say is to increase the impact , cut down on the wordiness. Just my two cents worth. I like the poem a lot. It is an expression of the existential agnst we feel when what we want doesn't appear or doesn't appear soon enough. Good Job!
Not sure what to say. I don't see the center, the subject here. It is hinted that there is something watching the child who fades in and out. Who see a child lying in satin sheets on a bed, then flies back inside of him/herself. Is it possible that the observer is now dead, a ghost that watches the living child? It may just be me. I don't know. I think the rhyming is without rhythm.
Well I did read this. Sounds pretty much like a rant to me. Is that polite? The man who believes he is free wears the heaviest chains. Good luck to you.
This is well written. It is emotionally powerful. It surges into the dystopian future that we are creating everyday. Betrayal is a hard topic to cover in a short span of words. The only way I could see to improve this is maybe, and that is a big maybe add detail to the psychological meanderings at the very end of it.
Wow! This is an excellent story. I don't know what else to say really. Anything more would be too much, anything less a complete bomb. Cute, yet awesome in its simplicity, its pleasure in the reading. Thank you for putting up for us to read.
I liked this. It does confuse me, but then the subject is words and it is a difficult thing to write about. Needs a rewrite to straighten it out. correct the tenses and spellings. Perhaps a play on words that sound the same but don't mean the same. A gaft about phone or fone, something of that nature. Good job.
This took me right into the scene. I loved it. I think you could chronicle how this has affected your entire life. The battles you have had with it. The pills you have used to shake the blues. How has this affected other relationships in your life? It is well written. thank you
I feel that this is why so many have left the churches all over america. Yes, God is all those things that you postulate. Read the book of Job and god will show up as a petulant child, letting his son satan beat up on man. Not because he deserved it, but rather almost looks like god is concerned with his image. Curious. I liked the piece. It is raw emotion but people can relate to it very well when things go badly. Then again god is not a santa clause standing around waiting for us to put in our present orders or to take care of every little thing.
Good Job.
I liked this because it posits an unset relationship with the beast within you. Points to understanding without knowledge. We often act without one or the other.
Almost as if a separate entity is you for a time, but not all time. I read that one line as farewell. thanks, very nice.
I really like this! It has some awkward phrases that you probably used to maintain some sort of form or rhyme. You can clean those up. Don't worry about the rhymes. I do like the idea of cadence intensified through the identical repetition. Hope this helps.
God does not take well to critical comments. Maybe he/she/it is a mere creation of our minds. Infinite words if defined, are no longer infinite, and therefore of little use?
Excellent. I am not a reader of scifi much anymore, but like a lot of us I went through it in my younger years. I loved this piece. If you are not there already, then you are headed for the top. I hesitate to criticize. You are way ahead of me. I am perpetually looking for something about life to take away from the story that I could use in my own life. About the nature of good and evil, or mankind's perpetual battles with it. The is a great setup for walking into the chaos that surrounds us. I look forward to your solution. thank you.
God I like this. The way it moves back and forth between the present and the past. It seems to radiate into the very dualism that is part of every persons life. It does have some editing of theirs and there"s to be done, a couple of excessive of's. You're never coming back is what I think is intended here. This is a position that we all are in at some point in our lives.
Best thing I have read on here.
I think the topic is wonderful. I am not sure it fits to rhyme. I guess in a young persons eyes it is well ordered and yet, is not fear always chaotic? I would suggest using the same topic and a different style to ramp up the intensity. I am certainly no expert and haven't read a rhyming poem in awhile. I am extremely thankful for your courage to approach such a daunting thing.
Intense, emotive, sparse, nice piece to drive home a point. Seems to have had a good bit if editing. The time covered is so long it detracts from the intensity. Seems that it might be better served by some sort of reverie rendition. Pretty darn good! Cut it by a third and ratchet it up! thank you. thats my two cents.
The character is there. A good beginning. Maybe start with the actual kidnapping to create action. Sentence structure starts a little too often with her name or she. Try adding a prep phrase at the beginning. Build your Gordian knot . I like the start. Thank you , keep going.
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